Urdu Poetry Forum

**Iman_** · #1 07-22-2007, 05:02 PM

Before we discuss about stress and how we need to handle it, first let us have a look at some of the problems people believe, they face on day-to-day basis, which are not real:
1.Every Living Human Being Has Problems.
Perhaps you are unhappy with your work. Isn't it good that you have a job rather than being unemployed? Many people have the mistaken notion that successful people do not have any problems. It is not true. Success tends to breed its own set of problems.
Everyone has problems. A problem-free life is an illusion - a mirage in the desert. Accept the fact that everyone has problems. This will help you to move on with your life rather than sitting and feeling pity for yourself.
2.Every Problem Has A Limited Life Span.
Every mountain has a peak and every valley has a low point. Similarly, life has its ups and downs. No one is up all the time or down all the time. Problems do get resolved in the long term. They don't last forever. History teaches that every problem has a limited life span. Your problems will not live forever; but you will !!! Storms are followed by sunshine. Winter is followed by spring. Your problems will get resolved given enough time.
3.Every Problem Holds Positive Possibilities.
There are two sides to every coin. What may be a problem for one could be interesting opportunity to someone else. Hospitals are there because people get sick; garages are there because cars do break down; lawyers are there because people get in trouble with the law occasionally. Every cloud has a silver lining.
4.Every Problem Will Change You.
When we meet problems head on in life, they leave their indelible mark on us. The experience could make you better or worse. It is up to you. What is certain is that problems never leave us the same way they found us. We will change.
For example, let us say that you lost your job. You can sit and feel sorry for yourself. Or you can be aggressive and decide to do something about it. You are better than them. You want to show them what a mistake they did in firing you. You have to be fired before you can be fired up. That may be wake-up call you needed before embarking on a successful mission. Again, for every problem, there is a positive and negative side. Look for the positive side and work on it.
5.You Can Choose What Your Problem Will Do To You.
You may not be able to control the problems, but you certainly can control your reaction or response to the problem. You can turn your pain into profanity or into poetry. The choice is up to you. You can control the reaction even if you cannot control the problem. You control the effect of the problem by controlling the reaction. It can make you tough or tender. It can make you better or bitter. It all depends on you.
6.There Is A Negative And A Positive Reaction To Every Problem.
Tough people have learned to choose the most positive reaction in managing problems. The key is that they manage their problems. Remember, we have little control on problems; we have control on how we react and manage the problem. Positive people chose to react positively to their predicaments.
Having some idea about problems, which most of the time are not real, and nothing but our perception of happenings, let�s have a look at the mysterious term called �Stress�. Stress is non-existent, pseudo, illusionary and highly imaginary thing. In any case, what is Stress, which people talk about?!!
What is Stress?
Stress is a condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that �demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.�
Stress is simply the body's non-specific response to any demand made on it. Stress is not by definition synonymous with nervous tension or anxiety. Stress provides the means to express talents and energies and pursue happiness; it can also cause exhaustion and illness, either physical or psychological. The important thing to remember about stress is that certain forms are normal and essential
Stress is pressure from external circumstances that can cause internal tensions. This corresponds to our addiction to speed and our obsession with activity. Filling our lives with so much to do and so little time, we live and work in a state of chronic catch-up, never stopping to take our "psychological temperature" along the way.
Stress is the way your body responds to the demands placed on it. Positive or "good" stress can help you concentrate and focus. In some instances, it actually increases your ability to survive. Your body's response to stress can be hormonal, such as an adrenaline rush. It can also be a rise in blood pressure, blood sugar, or body temperature. These physical reactions can often make you more alert; give you more acute eyesight or greater strength. That's how your body gives you what you need to act. Ideally, your body automatically relaxes after you have handled the situation. Your physical responses normalize and you are able to return to a state of rest. This process allows you to gather physical and emotional energy which helps you deal with changes and challenges in your daily life.
Your physical reaction to stress is the same for positive and negative stress; the difference is that with negative stress your body never returns to the "pre-stress" relaxed state. You remain tense or anxious, which drains you of emotional and physical energy.
Many people don't realize that stress is a very natural and important part of life. Without stress there would be no life at all. We need stress, but not too much stress for too long (distress).
Our body is designed to react to two types of stress. Good stress helps keep us alert, motivates us to face challenges, and drives us to solve problems. These low levels of stress are manageable and can be thought of as necessary and normal stimulation.
Distress, on the other hand, results when our bodies overreact to events. It leads to what has been called a "fight or flight" reaction. Our bodies really don't know the difference between a saber-toothed tiger and a teacher correcting our test. It is how we perceive and interpret the events of life that dictates how our bodies react.
When we view something as manageable, our body doesn't go haywire; it remains alert, but not alarmed. The activation of our sympathetic nervous system (a very important part of our general nervous system) mobilizes us for quick action. The more we sense danger (social or physical), the more our body reacts.
Problems can occur when over activation of the sympathetic system is unnecessary. If we react too strongly or let the small overreactions (the daily hassles) pile up, we may run into physical, in addition to psychological problems.
What we all need is to learn how to approach matters in more realistic and reasonable ways. Strong reactions are better reserved for serious situations. Manageable reactions are better for the everyday issues that we all have to face.
You Need Stress in Your Life!
Stress adds flavor, challenge and opportunity to life. Without stress, life would be dull and unexciting. However, too much stress can seriously affect your physical and mental well-being. Recurrent physical and psychological stress can diminish self-esteem, decrease interpersonal and academic effectiveness and create a cycle of self-blame and self-doubt. It is important for your health that you find the optimal level of stress that you can learn to manage effectively.
Stress is unique and personal to each of us. What is relaxing to one person may be stressful to another. One person may find "taking it easy" at the beach relaxing while another may find it boring. The key to stress reduction is identifying strategies that fit you as an individual
Learning stress management takes patience and commitment, but its benefits are priceless � personally and professionally. By learning to take care of yourself while taking care of business, your work becomes more creative, effective and fulfilling
What can we do to reduce stress?
There are many ways to manage unhealthy stress in your life. As you begin to understand more about how stress affects you as an individual, you will develop your own ideas to help relieve tension.
Remember, some of these stress management strategies will be new skills and require practice to be effective. Think about learning to ride a bicycle. There was a time when this was a new skill and felt very unnatural and awkward. You probably needed help at first. With some practice, stress management, like bicycling or any other skill, becomes easier.
1. Take a Deep Breath!
Stress often causes us to breathe shallowly, and this in turn almost always causes more stress! Mentally scan your body for physical tension.
Does you chest feel tight? You may be holding your breath without even knowing it! Shallow breathing puts less oxygen in the blood stream, producing an increase in muscle tension. You may experience headaches; you may feel more anxious and uptight.
The next time you feel "uptight," try taking a minute to slow down and breathe deeply. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to inhale enough so that your lower abdomen rises and falls. Count as you exhale - slowly!
2. Manage Time.
One of the greatest sources of stress is over commitment or poor time management. Plan ahead. Make a reasonable schedule for yourself and include time for stress reduction as a regular part of your schedule.
Trying to take care of everything at once can seem overwhelming, and, as a result, you may not accomplish anything. Instead, make a list of what tasks you have to do, and then do one at a time, checking them off as they're completed. Give priority to the most important ones and do those first. If a particularly unpleasant task faces you, tackle it early in the day and get it over with; the rest of your day will include much less anxiety.
Most importantly, do not overwork yourself. Resist the temptation to schedule things back-to-back. All too often we underestimate how long things will take. Schedule time for both work and recreation. Too much studying is actually inefficient and can lead to burnout. Recognize when you are most stressed and allow yourself some reasonable breaks. When things feel especially difficult, take a walk or otherwise change your scenery.
3. Connect with Others.
Being by yourself is fine, but being lonely is different. A good way to combat sadness, boredom and loneliness is to seek out activities involving others. Consider being a participant! You may choose to offer your services to neighborhood or volunteer organizations
4. Talk It Out.
When you feel something, try to express it (appropriately, of course!). "Bottled up" emotions increase frustration and stress. Share your feelings. Perhaps a friend, family member, teacher, or any other person with whom you are comfortable, can help you see your problem in a different light. Talking with someone else can help clear your mind of confusion so that you can focus on problem solving. Put out "brushfires" while they are still small. Even if it is slightly embarrassing, asking for help soon after a problem occurs may avoid much more serious problems later. Also consider writing down thoughts and feelings. Putting problems on paper can assist you in clarifying the situation and allow you a new perspective.
5. Take a "Minute" Vacation.
Create a quiet scene. You can't always run away, but you can dream. Imagining a quiet country scene can take you out of the turmoil of a stressful situation. When you have the opportunity, take a moment to close your eyes and imagine a place where you feel relaxed and comfortable. Notice all the details of your chosen place, including pleasant sounds, smells and temperature. Or change your mental "channel" by reading a good book or playing relaxing music to create a sense of peace and tranquility.
6. Monitor Your Physical Comfort.
Be as physically comfortable as the situation will allow. Wear comfortable clothing. If it's too hot, go somewhere where it's not. If your chair is uncomfortable, change it. If your computer screen causes eyestrain or backaches, change that, too. Don't wait until your discomfort turns into a real problem. Taking five minutes to arrange back support can save you several days of back pain!
7. Get Physical.
Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. Academic life is often sedentary, and sitting around can mean letting stress accumulate in your body. When you feel nervous, angry or upset, release the pressure through exercise or physical activity.
Try to find something you enjoy and make regular time for it. Running, walking or swimming are good options for some people, while others prefer dance or martial arts. Working in the garden, washing your car, or playing with your dog can relieve that "uptight" feeling, relax you, and often will actually energize you! Remember, your body and mind work together.

8. Take Care of Your Body.
You are special! Take care of yourself. Healthy eating and adequate sleep fuels your mind as well as your body. Avoid consuming too much caffeine and sugar. In excess, the temporary "highs" they provide often end in fatigue or a "crash" later. Take time to eat breakfast in the morning. It really will help keep you going through the day!
Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress. Like an automobile running low on gas, if you are irritable and tense from lack of sleep or not eating right, you will be less able to "go the distance" in dealing with stressful situations.
9. Laugh.
Maintain your sense of humor, including the ability to laugh at yourself. Rent or take yourself to a funny movie: the sillier the plot the better. Laughter is good for you! Humor is a wonderful stress-reducer and antidote to upsets. It is clinically proven to be effective in combating stress, although the exact mechanism is not known. Experts say a good laugh relaxes tense muscles, speeds more oxygen into your system and lowers your blood pressure. So tune into your favorite sitcom on television. Read a funny book. Call a friend and chuckle for a few minutes. When you laugh on the phone, people hear you!!! It even helps to force a laugh once in a while. You'll find your stress melting away almost instantly. A good smiling face is the best letter of recommendation in the world.
10. Know Your Limits.
A major source of stress is people's efforts to control events or other people over whom they have little or no power. When confronted with a stressful situation, ask yourself: is this my problem? If it isn't, leave it alone. If it is, can you resolve it now? Once the problem is settled, leave it alone. Don't agonize over the decision, and try to accept situations you cannot change. There are many circumstances in life beyond your control, starting with the weather and including in particular the behavior of others. Consider the fact that we live in an imperfect world. Know your limits. If a problem is beyond your control and cannot be changed at the moment, don't fight the situation. Learn to accept what is, for now, until such time when you can change things.
11. Must You Always Be Right?
Must you always be right? Do other people upset you- particularly when they don't do things your way? Consider cooperation or compromise rather than confrontation. A little give and take on both sides may reduce the strain and help you both feel more comfortable. Follow �You are right, but I�m also not wrong� policy.
12. Have a Good Cry.
Big boys and girls do cry. A good cry during periods of stress can be a healthy way to bring relief to your anxiety, and it might prevent a headache or other physical consequences of "bottling" things up. However, if you are crying daily, seek a consultation with a counselor or a physician. This can be a sign of depression.
13. Avoid Self Medication.
Alcohol and other drugs do not remove the conditions that cause stress. Although they may seem to offer temporary relief, these substances only mask or disguise problems. In the long run, behavior while "under the influence" increases rather than decreases stress.
14. Look for the "Pieces of Gold" Around You.
It is easy to fall into a "rut" of seeing only the negative when you are stressed. Some people have spent years "turning gold into garbage - the Midas touch in reverse." When someone says, "That's a nice outfit" the "garbage collector,� questions whether that person "really means it."
Your thoughts can become like a pair of very dark glasses, allowing little light or joy into your life. What would happen if each day for the next three days, you committed yourself to actively collecting (noticing) five "pieces of gold" from your environment?
Pieces of gold are positive or enjoyable moments or interactions. These may seem like small events but as these "pieces of gold" accumulate they can often provide a big lift to energy and spirits and help you begin to see things in a new, more balanced way.
15.Positive Thoughts, Positive Feelings.
Thoughts cause feelings, and the wrong kinds of thoughts can cause stressful feelings.
We can look at the same event different ways. One is in the optimistic way and the other is pessimistically. It is the age-old debate of whether to look at the glass as half full or as half empty.
It helps if you can learn to look at the good things in life rather than the ugly. For example, if you got into a car accident and totaled your car, you can sit there and feel sorry for yourself, or angry for losing the car. These are all self-defeating. On the other hand, you can thank god that you were not killed or, worse yet, maimed in the car accidents. When you look at life's events like that you will have something to smile at every event and that is the power of positive living.
16. Learning To Like Ourselves.
The messages we receive from other people and from the media are largely negative. Bad news gets more attention than good news. This seeps into our day-to-day lives as well. If we admire some aspect of ourselves we are seen to be conceited. If we say negative things about ourselves, people will console us.
We were rewarded for misery since our childhood; we are offered candy or hugs when we are unhappy. No rewards for our laughter and happiness! Some people like the attention and sympathy. So they purposely distort the facts and tell others all the troubles and miseries they have. After some time, their sub-conscious mind will start believing what they are saying and start acting accordingly. Soon they will have reasons to be unhappy for real. Do not get into this trap. See the positive rather than the negative in you.
Optimism and a positive attitude promote good health. Research shows that the optimistic persons have healthier immune system. Pessimistic expectations breed negative experiences.
How can you incorporate these into your own life? Be grateful. No matter how bad things might appear, you can see a silver lining. There is someone who has worse problems. Misery loves companions. Reach out to such people. This will help both parties.
Make a conscious effort towards finding good things. As far as possible stay away from pessimistic people. Don't get drawn into other people's misery. Catch yourself if you are whining and stop. Your stress levels will benefit immediately.
We all can make a deliberate choice between being negative or positive, happy or unhappy. Say and believe in the following:

You are unique.
There is no one like you in the whole world.
Enjoy and cherish the feeling that you are special.
Remember your successes when you are feeling defeated

17. Music Therapy.
Listening to music does wonders to alleviate stress. Please note that everyone has different tastes in music. Listen to the music that you feel comfortable. Sitting down and forcing yourself to listen to relaxation music that you don'tlike may create stress, not alleviate it.
Among the first stress-fighting changes that take place when we hear a tune is an increase in deep breathing. Playing music in the background while we are working, seemingly unaware of the music itself, has been found to reduce the stress. Music was found to reduce heart rates and to promote higher body temperature - an indication of the onset of relaxation.
18. Be Assertive.
Learn to be assertive. Non-assertiveness allows others to walk all over you. You surrender the control of the situation to others. Being assertive means standing up for your personal rights and expressing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs directly, honestly and spontaneously in ways that don�t infringe on the rights of others. Assertive people respect themselves and others. They take responsibility for their actions and choices. In case of failure, they will get disappointed; but their self-confidence remains intact. Expressing negative feelings at the appropriate time avoids the buildup of resentment. This will help you manage your stress more successfully.
19.Treat Problem like a visitor.
Whenever you are facing a problem, you visualize that you are seeing the problem in the form of a person. You receive him warmly, make him sit comfortably across the discussion table and know his requirements. Then think calmly about your skills and resources to fulfill his requirements. If your personal resources are not enough, take the help of knowledgeable people, your friends, family and any other and or all other means whichever you could gather. Meet his requirements and give him a warm send off. Even after all your efforts, you are not in a position to fulfill his requirements, accept the defeat.
You may loose the battle once, twice, thrice, but ultimately success will be yours. Most of the times we win by loosing.
Common Misconceptions About Stress:
Misconception: We always know when we are under stress.
Fact: Often people become so accustomed to stress that they become unaware of it. Many of us suffer the debilitating effects of stress even though we don't feel tense. Stress can change the way you treat others or damage your body even in the absence of feelings of frustration or anxiety.

Misconception: Stress is something, which affects only those who have high-pressure lives.
Fact: Many ordinary individuals experience the constant stress of worry, leading unfulfilled lives or of not being what they would like to be.

Misconception: The only way to lower stress is to change your surroundings or to take medication.
Fact: Changing your outlook on life is the most reliable and effective way of reducing stress. Stress comes from the way we perceive the world, not from the way the world really is.

Misconception: Stress is caused by events that happen to us.
Fact: To paraphrase the Stoic philosopher Epictetus, it is not events in themselves that cause our distress, but rather the views we take of events.

Misconception: Emotions have a will of their own and cannot be controlled.
Fact: We can change our feelings by first changing our behavior or by changing our thinking. For example, getting some work done can keep us from worrying about it. Creating a new understanding of a situation can make it less threatening or stressful

In case nothing works out inspite of your best efforts, think and take the help of the God, who will be ever willing to understand and help people in case of need:

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

**junkifunki** · #2 07-23-2007, 03:22 PM

Welcome back Iman!!!!
Indeed a nice and quite a motivational stuff you shared.......Keep smiling, keep shining and keep sharing things with us....Hope to see more...indeed very true..
"Tough times never last.Tough ppl do"..

Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.

Break the leg!!!!

Chao

...
Junki..

**PRINCE OF DHIMP** · #3 08-09-2007, 10:03 AM

This Is Your First Which I Read

And I Find It Ramedy For All Humans

**~*Suhani*~** · #4 08-11-2007, 04:57 AM

Some great ideas you have shared...Thanks!!

**faridnawaz** · #5 08-29-2007, 08:27 PM

here is a poem from me
ANKHEEN TERA TASTA DEKHEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!

ankheen tera rasta dekheen
khud roeen tujhee hansta dekheen
ANKHEEN TERA RASTA DEKHEEN
bikhree bikhree khab liyee
ratjagee azab liyee
andhiyaroon ki odre see
jab bhi chand nikalta dekheen
ANKHEEN TERA RASTA DEKHEEN
thatherti kali ratoon meen
bhigi bhigi ankhoon meen
dor buhoot hi dor kaheen
ik diya sa jalta dekheen
ANKHEEN TERA RASTA DEKHEEN
basant ki gehma gehmi meen
jazbat ki garma garmi meen
zard zard see anchal meen
jab koi chehra lipta dekheen
ANKHEEM TERA RASTA DEKHEEN
KHUD ROEEN TUJHEE HANSTA DEKHEEN
ANKHEEN TERA RASTA DEKHEEN