Urdu Poetry Forum

kamal ka afsana likh daala hay sameera aap nay,,,aik kahani main bay sumaar kahaniyan likhi hain aap nay,,wah kiya baat hay,,aik doctor ki kahani jo maseehai ka mareez hay,,aik oraat ki kahani jo wafa ki paikar hay or khamoshi sa jal mari hay,,or aik kahani un doctors ki hay jo ahsaas say aari hain.or aik kahani on lawaris logon ki hay jo mrjatay hain to un ko ronay wala koi nahi hota,,

sameera aapki kahani nay ashk ashk krdiya ji,,boht hi maharat or pukhtagi say likhti hainaap,,,
albatta kaheen kaheen kuch tafseeli bayanya ki kami hay,,,,laikin kahani ka anjaam boht hi jaandar hay,,aap ko boht saari daad

As-salam-o-alaikum Sameera Sahiba!

aj pehli bar WC meiN post kr raha huN, aap ka afsana kuch din pehly paRha tha... aur is terheer me chupy ehsaas aur paighaam se bohat mutasir hua...

is afsany k aakhri hisy k hawaly se aik bat zehn meiN thi, pehly to khud kaafi ghor kiya, lekin ab bat samajh se bahar hy to yahaN dostoN se ye bat discuss krna chahuN ga k shayad koi meri bat samajh saky, ya mujhy samjha saky...

afsany ki aakhri 2 satreN harf ba harf roman meiN type kr raha huN:

"mai ne doctors ki taraf dekha aur phir wo lamha meri zindgi meiN aaya jab mujhy pehli martaba doctor hony pr fakhr mehsoos hua. aansu maseeha sabit hu'ay thy."

mujhy is sary afsany k tanazur meiN in aakhri satroN k likhny ki samajh nahi aa'ei... k writer ne ye kis bunyad pr likha k "aansu maseeha sabit hu'ay thy." aur wo is fiqry se kya paigham dena chahta hy... ya k ye fiqra kis janib ishara krta hy...

ager koi dost is confusion ko dur kry to maiN mamnun huN ga...

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aakhir kii 2 lines sey ooper kii 2 line bhee doobara parh leyn too mujhey qawi ummedd hey key aap saara kuch samjh jaeyn gey aur koi confusion naheyn rahey gii@};-

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Assalam o alikum Sameera!
Bht arsay baad aaj yahan aana hua aur tumhari tehreer perhnay ka itefaaq hua. Aik aik lafz jaisay dil main oter gaya. Bayhissi hamaray muashray ko chaat rahi hai. Aik sher yaad aaya

Cheekh sunn ker bhee kisi ne murr k daikha hee nahin
Bay-hissi ne sheher k logooN ko behra ker diya

tu aisay aalam main Dr. Ayesha jaisay logooN ka wajood aik naimat hai aur aik ishaara hai k duniya kyun abhi takk qaim hai aur qayamaat q nahin aa jaati. Aik bht umdaah tehreer. Mazeed bhee likhna aur share kerna.
Allah tumharay qalam ko mazeed taraqeee day Ameen.
Best regards
Atif

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sagar bhai aap in do lines ki bat kr rahy haiN???

"mai dhaaReN mar mar kr ro rahi thi aur doctors mujhy aisy dekh rahy thy jesy mein be-waqoof aur ahmaq huN, un ki tarahum aamaiz nazreN mery ander pu-sukoon hony waly maseeha'ei k darya ko nahi dekh sakti thiN..."

yahaN tak to maiN thek se samajh jata huN, k us doctor ka maseeha'ei ka darya pur-sukoon ho gya... is bat pr, k bhaly wo us laRki ki jab nahi bacha saki, lekin usy la-waris marny nahi diya, abhi tak sara afsana is patient k gird ghom raha hy, aur aakhir meiN us doctor ka may'yat pr rona us k maseeha'ei k darya k pur-skoon hony ka baa'is bana.

lekin agli do satroN meiN jo kaha ja raha hy k:

"mai ne doctors ki taraf dekha aur phir wo lamha meri zindgi meiN aaya jab mujhy pehli martaba doctor hony pr fakhr mehsoos hua. aansu maseeha sabit hu'ay thy."

ye line : "aansu maseeha sabit hu'ay thy." us surat meiN likhi jati ager us doctor k rony se patient dobara zinda ho jata...

bas mujhy yahiN se aa kr samajh nahi aati k writer ne aakhir meiN ye do lines kyuN likhiN...

bahat shukriya zubair
sada khush rahain (flowers)

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wsalam faizan ye meray liye bayhad khushi ki baat hai k aap nay pehli martaba wc main shirkat ki or wo bhi meri tahreer per tabsara kiya , jo nukta aap nay uthaya hai us se bhi mujhya boht khushi hoi kay tum nay isay itni tawajja se parha , albatta jo aitraaz tum nay uthaya hay wo samajh main nahi aaya
kahani aik doctor ki hai, jis kay andar kuch krnay ka jazba mojood hai, main ney ye batanay ki koshish ki hai k us kay andar jo maseehai krnay ka jazba tha wo adhoora honay ki waja se usay khud beemar kiye day raha tha or jab wo orat mar gae to uska adhora jazba mazeed tishna hogaya, aik aisay wqt main jab us orat ki laash lawaris pari hoi thi to uski mayyet per ronay k bajaaiy khush honay walay mojood thay, to doctor aisha ki aankh se bahnay walay aanso dono k liye maseeha saabit hoaiy..doctor k tishna jazbay k liye bhi or us orat ki mayyet kay liye bhi jo lawaris laash ki sorat main pari thi,
bahar haal ye aik nazarya hai jis per aap ikhtilaaf kr saktay hain, darasal tumhara sawal maseehai say mutalliq hay,,or main samjhti hon kay kam az kam aik shair ko ye baat zaroor maloom honi chahiye kay maseehai sirf dawa se shifa ka naam nahi hai, maseehai to aik meetha boal bhi hosakti hai, kisi ki muskaraht bhi maseehai hosakti hay, kisi bichray ka mil jana bhi maseehae hosakti hay, maseehai ki tareef kam az kam shair ko zaroor maloom honi chahiye, itni achi tarha mera afsana parhnay ka boht boht shukria, mujhay bay panah khushi mahsoos hoi (flowers)