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Welcome to Urdu Community & Poetry/Shayari Forum
This is a discussion on waadoun ko teray mein ne senay mein rakh lea within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; chahaat ko tarie mein ne senay mein rakh lea wadoun ko teray mein ne senay mein rakh lea ooas kay ...
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#1
07-06-2007, 05:19 PM
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chahaat ko tarie mein ne senay mein rakh lea wadoun ko teray mein ne senay mein rakh lea ooas kay qataray jab phooloun pe aa gerray phooloun ne uttha ke osay senay mein rakh lea lava ubbal raha hai attiesh-feshaan kay ander os aag ko zameen ne senay mein rakh lea shamil hai tera payar meray dil mein is taragh mottie ko jaisey seap ne senay mein rakh lea guzray huway waqat ki her yaad ko mein ne sab se chuppa ke mein ne senay mein rakh lea ye moujjaza dekhanay ke lea kafi hai kisi ko Quran ko bachaay ne senay mein rakh lea Yasi ke senay mein ehssas bahara dil hai duniya ke sab dukhoun ko senay mein rakh lea Yasmin Yasi         |
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#2
07-06-2007, 06:56 PM
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bahot khoob Yasmin saaheba,achi koshish rahi yeh aap ki,so daad qabool kijiye,  chand aek baatain aor kehna chaahata hoon,umeed hai mind naheen karain gi,...... ghazal kehney ke liye chand aek buniyaadi baaton ka khayaal rakhna bahot zaroori hota hai,jesa ke RADEEF,..QAAFIYA,..B EHAR waghera,....aap ki is ghazal main radeef (SEENEY MAIN RAKH LIYA) to mojood hai,lekin baaqi cheezon ka fuqdaan hai,...hamaarey issi forum main aek thread hai,jis ka link main aap ko de raha hoon,aap us thread ko baghor parain,yaqeenan aap ko bahot kuchh seekhaney ko miley ga wahaan se,(aor agar aap un baaton par amal bhi karain to yaqeenan aap ki shaairy bahot behtar ho sakti hai,) ab yeh aap par hai ke aap us mazmoon se kitna faaida utha sakti hain, 1.gif ")1") link yeh raha........[Only registered and activated users can see links. ] bahot khush rahiye,aabaad rahiye,
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#3
07-07-2007, 03:36 AM
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Hi.neigh bahi mind kernay ki koi baat neigh hai "senay mein rakh lea "ye kafia ho gaya is ka matlab hai ke radeaf aur bahar ki mistake hai app mujeh samjah bhi deatay to mujeh asani ho jatie inshallah aglie gazal mein aur improve keroun gie thanks Yasmin Yasi |
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#4
07-07-2007, 03:41 AM
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اسلام و علیکم ابھی لگتا ہے آپ نے غزل لکھنا شروع کی ہے کوئی بات نے زین بھائی نے جو کہا ہے ان پر غور کرنا وقت کے ساتھ ساتھ کافی کچھ سیکھ جائو گے
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#5
07-07-2007, 08:18 AM
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Quote:
khoob ghazal share ki hy aap ne, bohat acha lag apaRh kr.... Quran wala sher khoob kaha aap ne.... shayad meiN ne pehly bhi zikr kiya tha k aap k sheroN ki khas bat ye hoti hy k akser meiN (sirf aik aadh lafiz ki kami beshi k elawa) qudarti tor pr wazn paya jata hy.... is meiN bhi yahi bat hy: lava ubbal raha hai attiesh-feshaan kay ander os aag ko zameen ne senay mein rakh lea ager aap is ghazal ki radeef (seeny meiN rakh liya) k aakhir meiN aik lafz (hy) add kr leN to ye sher mukamal wazn meiN aa ja'ay ga... lava ubbal raha hai attiesh-feshaan kay ander os aag ko zameen ne senay mein rakh lea hy isi trha kuch aur misroN meiN bhi yahi bat mehsoos ki maiN ne... to yahaN meiN zain bhai ki baat ko hi aagy baRhata hua kehna chahuN ga k aap ziada se ziada practice kreN aur Zain bhai ne jis thread ki bat ki hy us ko zuroor study kreN... inshaAllah aap k kalaam meiN mazeed nikhaar aur khubsurti paida ho gi... aakhir meiN aik bat talafuz k hawaly se krna chahuN ga, sher kehny meiN alfaaz ka durust talafuz bohat ehmiat rakhta hy, neechy wlay sher ko wazn meiN paRheN to lafz "waqat" paRhny meiN aata hy, is lafz ka durust talafuz "waqt" hy... guzray huway waqat ki her yaad ko mein ne sab se chuppa ke mein ne senay mein rakh lea majmoi tor pr aik achi ghazal kehny pr bohat si daad qubool kreN, Allah Mola aap ko bohat ziada ata kary, khush raheN, aabad raheN aur youNhi acha acha likhti aur ham se share krti raheN...
__________________ tu na jadoN paas channaN! key ay saady paas way, din vi udaas saady, rataaN vi udaas way, luT gya chain sadaa, rus gye hassay way, khushiaN ny dur nssiaN... akhaN cham cham wssiaN!!! |
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#6
07-07-2007, 01:26 PM
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shamil hai tera payar meray dil mein is taragh mottie ko jaisey seap ne senay mein rakh lea wahhhh.. bohat achay khayalat ka izhaar kia aap ne apni iss takhleeq mein.. daad qabool kijiye.. Bohat Shukria..  wafa aur dua ke saath withlove
__________________  .......JI RAHAY HEIN KAMAL KERTAY HEIN....... |
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#7
07-07-2007, 02:40 PM
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hmmmmm....bohat acha likha aap ne likhti rahin...khush rahin...
__________________  MaiN apni piyaas pr raazi rahoN gi, Miray Aanso miray ''DiL'' Ki kafaalat k liy kaafi rahiN gay...!  |
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#8
07-07-2007, 07:28 PM
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Hi. bilkul sahie samjah app ne ye likhna mein ne abhi hi shuru kia hai mujeh maloom hai ke marie bhut mistakes hain aur mein app sub ki guidence mein inshallah improve ker loun gi marie pehlie koshish aur is last koshish mein app ko improvment nazar aeay gi jahan tak talafuz ki baat hai woh roman english ki wajah se hai app sab ka taheay dil se shukria hosla afzie aur guidence ka app sub khush rahian Yasmin Yasi |
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#9
07-16-2007, 11:18 AM
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nice
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waadoun ko teray mein ne senay mein rakh lea 
