Urdu Poetry Forum

**kanch ki mehroo** · #1 07-21-2007, 09:28 PM

is maah muqablay k liye jo misra-e-tarah muntakhib kia gaya...woh hai ;

~daikha hai kaii bar charaghoN ko bujha kar..~

humaisha ki tarah is martaba bhi bohat say mu'aziz sathiyoN ne apni khubsoorat ghazliyat k sath muqablay maiN shirkat ki...hum unke shukr guzar haiN...

nataij ka ailan judges ke mushtarka faislay par mabni hoga...judges say guzarish hai k woh 31st July tak humaiN apne faislay say agah kar daiN...judges har kawish ko 1-10 tak marks day saktay haiN...aakhir maiN tamam marks ko jama kar k hatmi nataaij ka ailan kia jayega..

humaray Mohtaram judges k naam darj-e-zail haiN;

(Ail Lamha, Zain, Kanch ki Mehroo, WanderingThoughts, Sohail Malik, Mehtab, saahir)

Evalutaion ka criteria yeh hai;

Behr aur Wazn = 4
andaaz-e-bayaN, Rawani, Takay'yul, alfaaz ka istamal = 6
total marks = 10

muqablay maiN shamil ghazlaiN yeh haiN;

1: Furqan85

Dekha Hai Kai Baar Cheraghon Ko Bujha Ker
Chamkta Hai Woh Khursheed Mujhey Naaz Dikha Ker

Hum Taab Na Laien Ge Yeah Dil Chain Na Paye Ga
Aa Jatey Hein Phir Bhi, Zara Joosh Mein Aa Ker

Kuch Tarz-e-Mansoori Mein Huey Daar Ke Ghazi
Kuch Mar Mitey Qadmon Mein Terey Taab Na La Ker

Kabhi Gosha-e-Wehshat Ho Ke Mehfil-e-Tanhai
Har Raat Saja Rakhi Hai, Teri Yaad Saja Ker

Is Baat Pe Cherey They Yeah Saaz-e-Dil-e-Ulfat
Sisaktey Hien Mazaamir Ab Dekhien To Baja Ker

Aye They Nashiman Ko Merey Aag Laganey
Dil Apna Jala Bethey Hein Mujhey Aag Laga Ker

Tha Qurb-e-Musalsal Ke Iradhon Mein Bhi Ruswa
Sir Aur Bhi Jukta Hai Yeah Ilzaam Utha Ker

Roz-e-Aakhir Ko Suna Hai Ke Maazi Ki Hai Tehqeeq
Tum Ruth Ke Dekho Gye,Hum Dekhien Ge Mana Ker

Ae Rind Guzar Ja Tu Nazron Ko Juka Ker
Ye Manzil-e-Zahid Hai Yan Daman Ko Bacha Ker

Yeah Rah Hai Janat Ki Yeah Iman Ke Rahi Hein
Tu Rah-Bar-e-Gham Hai, Rindhi Mein Jiya Ker

Koi Kushta-e-Jaa.n Saqi Pemaney Mein Nahi Baqi
Yeah Wasila-Roh De Mujhko To Ankh Mila Ker

Mahol Ke Asraat Bhi Hotey Hein Sukhan Per
Is Naama-e-Ferda Ko Furqat Mein Likha Ker

Mat Dhondh Re Qasid Inkaar Ke Harfon Ko
Tu Phir Chala Ja Koi Hasrat Si Bandha Ker

In Logon Ko Hasil Hai Bari Shaan-e-Haqaarat
In Logon Se Furqan, Bari Fursat Mein Mila Ker

Her Rang Mein Jachta Hai,Kia Rangat Hai Nirali
Is Gumbad-e-Khazra Ke Tu Saye Mein Raha Ker.

---------------------------------------------------

2: Shoaibb4u

Dekha Hai Kai Baar Cheraghon Ko Bujha Ker,
Shama k gird perwana kai baar bun ker,
Naam lia ha phir say tera,
Ek naay josh main aa ker,
Ker raha hon tujko ab yaad,
Tere yaad ki mehfil saja ker,
Jo dard tu naay dia tha,
Uski kuch tu dawa ker,
Hasar main raha nahi koi panshi,
Bhair ki kuch tu khabar ker!

--------------------------------------------------

3: Fehmeeda ishtiaq

KER DAY ROSHNI MERAY WERAN GHAR MAY
HUQ KABHI TO DOSTI KA ADDA KER. . . . . . .

TERA TASAVUR HI BOHAT THA DIL KAY LIAY
KUB HUM NAY KAHA THA , TU WAFA KER . .

UJALAY TERI YADOON K SATH RAHTAY HAIN
KABHI TO KAED SAY APNI, HUMAIN REHA KER

TERAY KEHKAHAY JENAY KI UMUNG DAIN GAY
KABHI TO KHUL KAY TU BHI, HUNSA KER . . .

KATUL BHI MAAF HAIN TUJHKO AA SANAM
HAY IJAZAT YE, TU BAR BAR KHATA KER..

ISHQ KI CHOTE HAY BOHAT HE GHEHRI
TU HAY MASIHA MERA, KOI TO DAWA KER..

ZINDAGI KI HAQEEQAT TO SAMAJNAY K LIAY
DEKHA HAY KAI BAR CHARAGON KO BUJHA KER

MERAY LIAY NA SAHI , RUSM E DUNIYA K LIAY
DOSTI KER LAY HUM SAY, SUB KUCH BHULA KER

--------------------------------------------------

4: Faypal

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5: Yasmin Ahmad

ab yaadoun ko tarie apnay senay se laga ker
dekha hai kie bar charaghoun ko bujah ker

woh apni mohabat ka tamsha dekah gya
qurban huwa shama pay per apnay jala ker

hathoun ko jo thama beray payar se mein ne
narraz huie muj se haath apna churra ker

sangdill hai bhut tu to kia jan hi leay gie
gar din mein neigh miltie to khawaboun mein mila ker

gunahoun ka ehsaas jab dill mein sama jaay
tuba keay lea Allah kay agay juka ker

------------------------------------------------

6: Bekhudi

ھر آن مچلتی ھوئی خواھش کو سُلا کر
دیکھا ھے کئی بار چراغوں کو بُجھا کر

اے چاند سنبھال اپنے اجالوں کا سیھ بوجھ
تھک جاتی ھوں اکثر تیرے احسان اُٹھا کر

بُھولے سے ان آنکھوں میں کوئ رنگ جو آئے
لے جاتا ھے بپھرا ھوا کوئ اشک بھا کر

جس کے سبھی حرف وھاں مستجاب ٹھھریں
اے دوست میری خاطر آج ایسی دعا کر

ھاں غیر سھی پھر بھی آزمانے میں کیا حرج؟
رکھ لیں گے تیرا درد بھی مھمان بنا کر

اتنا بھی نھیں مشکل ھر چیز بُھلا دینا
تجھ کو بھی بھلا دیں گے، کبھی خود کو بھلا کر

یھ ھجر نصیب اپنی بھٍَاروں سے ھیں بچھڑے
کیا پاؤ گے سُوکھے ھوے پتوں کو جلا کر

جاتے ھو تو اشکوں کی نشانی مجھے دے دو
رکھ لے گی حریم اِن کو بھی آنچل میں سَجا کر

----------------------------------------------

7: Noor-al-Sabah

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8: gumaan

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9: Aas

Dekha hai keyi baar chiraghon ko bujha ker
Ke dikhta nahin undhere main kuch khauf-e-khuda ker

Woh tare tor laya tha tere kehne pe bekaraan
Main Musharraf ko bech aaon ga teri ik jaan-e-ada per

Woh musti-e-match-e-banglore yaad hai aaj bhi
Jub TV tor diya tha hum nain Josh main aa ker

Mere qaum ke naujwaano balla to sehi pukro
Phir kehti hain mummy khelo beta, tukhna bucha ker

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10: Meesam Kazmi

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11: silent_wishes

main raakh banaa khud hee teri yaad jalaa ker
dekhaa hai kayii baar charaghau'N ko bujaa ker

iss gard pe likhii hovii thehreer parrhaa ker
halaath ke auraaq se kuch seekh liya ker

woh qat'l bhi kertaa hai mujay thaish maiN aa ker
phir ronay wo lagthaa hai mera khoon bahaa ker

jo din ke ujalay maiN mujay chorr geya thaa
kion raat ko sataaye mujay khwaab main aa ker

kehtay hain sabhi laug mujay, uss ko bhulaa do!
kia yaad rahay gaa mujay phir uss ko bhulaa ker?

hum aur teray husn ki ta'reef karengaiN
rootay ho tho ek baar kabhi haN's bhi liya ker!

har giz nahi basaanaa khabi kaaNch ki dunyaa
jo toot ke bhikray nahi'N, woh khwaab bunaa ker

woh meri mohabbat maiN mujay maar hee degaa
ab aa ke masihaa meri iss baar dawa ker

jab zik'r meraa chirr geya ahbaab main uss ke
roya hai woh khud bhi meray ahwaal sunaa ker

uljhogay tho her ek teraa dushman hee banay gaa
~ihsan~ her ek baat ko dil per na liyaa ker

---------------------------------------------

12: Shehr-e-Wafa

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13: Zeneya

Andhero.n kay musafir ko naye rah pe la ker
Dekha hay kaye bar charaghoo.n ko bujha ker

Har chan.d kai yadoon pe hain us shaks ke pehray
Har jazba phir bhi rakha dil mai us se chupa ker

Tum se thi jab mili tuo ye socha bhi nahi tha
Chor jao gay ankho.n may tum sapno.n ko saja ker

Aik umar se bethi hoon uski yaad may gum sum
Aik woo hay jo sota bana hay mujh ko jaga ker

Uski is bewafa.i may kuch tou hath tha apna
Chor ayi thi usay mai raqeeboo.n may bitha ker

Halat meri kaho tou mujhe khud nahi maloom
Bass ye hay ke ro leti ho mai khud ko hasa ker

Aahain meri ansoon meray ye kehtay hain mujh se
Shayad wo bhi behal hay kuch,hum ko ganwa ker

Na janay us ki ankho.n mai kiun pheli hay udasi
Ye janti hoon khush hay woo mujh ko mita ker

Har jhoot phir us ka mujhe sach kiun laga Zene
Bolo zara jo pyar se woo mujh ko mana ker

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14: Bailamos_

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sab se guzarish hai k Judges k ilawa koi aur member is thread maiN post na karay, Judges k ilawa koi bhi post delete kar di jaye gi.

bohat shukriya

khush rahiye
HG Intazamiya.

**sohailmalik64** · #2 07-22-2007, 03:54 PM

Is muqabilay maiN jahaN kuch naey seekhnay waaloN ki koshishaiN nazer aaeiN waheeN kuch bohat achay ashaar bhi peRhnay ko millay. meri nazer maiN in ghazloN kay mutaabiq jo marking banti hay maiN ussay yahaN post ker raha huN aur us ki roshni maiN shureka apni khubioN khamioN ka jaez lay saktay haiN.

1. Furqan 1 +3.5 = 4.5
2. Shoaib 0 + 1 = 1
3. Fehmeeda 1+ 2 = 3
4. Afzal 4 + 4.5 = 8.5
5. Yasmin 2 + 3 = 5
6. Beykhudi 2.5 + 3 = 5.5
7. Noor 4 + 5 = 9
8. gumnaam 1 + 1.5 = 2.5
9. aas 1 + 1.5 = 2.5
10. Meesam 4 + 4 = 8
11. Ihsaan 3 + 3 = 6
12. Shehre wafa 3.5 + 3.5 = 7
13. Zeneya 3 + 3 = 6
14. Bailamos 1 + 2.5 = 3.5

tamam shureka e muqabila kay liay meri duaeN

wassalam

sohail malik

**MEHTAB** · #3 07-29-2007, 12:55 PM

Tamam dostoN ki mehrbani k unhoN ne is muqable main shirkat ki, Buhat he ache ache kalam parhne ko mile, go k kuch na'ay likhne wale frnds bhi hain but unhoN ne bhi buhat acha likha hay. Baqi ramooz ki baat hay jahaN tak tu wo waqt k sath insan sekhta rehta hay. Hamari janib se tamam shuraka ko dheroN daad qabool hoo. Marking neche kiay dete hain.

1: Furqan85 .................... .(1.5+3.5)=5

Jnab Furqan sahib app ne buhat achi ghazal kahi hay, khayalt ache hain magar abhi zara si mashq ki zarorat hay, ache shua'ra ko parhte rahiay insha Allah kafi behtri ajay gi. Baki wazn ki kafi kami mehsos hoi app k kalam main is taraf dhiyan dijiay k motti jitne bhi khobsurat hooN agar unhain khobsurti se piroya na ja'ay tu wo bekar hojate hain. PC main kafi tutorials lage hoay hain wahan se bhi app ko Behr aur wazn k bare main kafi help mil sakti hay. Khush Rahiay

2: Shoaibb4u ....................(0+2)=02

App ki kawish bhi behtar hay but abhi app ko buhat mashq ki zarorat hay. Ache aur ustad shua'ara ko parhiay insha Allah behtri aaay gi kalam main aur khayalat bhi mazboot hoongay.

3: Fehmeeda ishtiaq………….(1+2) = 03

Muhtarma app ki kawish main wazn ki buhat gunjaish hay albata thoughts ache hain magar abhi itni pukhtagi nazar nahi atti in main app se bhi yehi guzarish karoN ga k app bhi ache shua’ara ka mutalia jari rakhaiN.

4. Faypal………………..(4+4)= 08

Masha Allah buhat he umdah kalam hay Afzal sahib, Wazn aur kalam par grift bhi shandar hay, but ghazal ka 2nd last shair jacha nahi, means pukhtagi nahi hay is main. Albata over all aik achi ghazal kahi app ne. Buhat khush Rahiay aur likhte rahiay.

5: Yasmin Ahmad ………………(1+3) = 4

Muhtarma app ki kawish bhi khoob hay, Achi ghazal kahi hay albata abhi ramooz ki kafi kamiyaN hain, Mashq jari rakhiay.

6: Bekhudi……………….(2.5+3.5) = 6

App ki tehrer parhne main kafi dikat hoi shayad k fonts ka kuch prb tha. Albata akhir kar parh he li. Achi ghazal kahi hay app ne bhi kafi acha likhti hain, Is mashq ko jari rakhiay app main buhat acha likhne ki qualities hain.

7: Noor……………….(4+4.5) =8.5

Noor app tu hamesha se he umdah kalam share karti aai hain aur is baar bhi aik umdah ghazal share ki hay. Ham aur kia comments daiN ab bss yehi kahen gay k aik umdah ghazal hay. Buhat khush Rahiay

8: Gumaan…………..(1+2)=3

App neb hi achi koshish ki hay, but shayad abhi app ko ramooz k bare main zara si mehnat karni pare giii. App aisa kijiay k PC main hain tutorial ki post stick hay us ka mutaliya kijiay. Wahan app ko kafi kuch sekhne ko mile ga. Aur apni mashq jari rakhiay k app jitna likheN ge utni behtri aay gii. Keep writing and sharing.

9: Aas…………….(1+2)=3

Wah bhai jiii app aur yahaN bari baat hay, khushi hoi app ko yahan dekh kar. Achi kawish rahi app ki. Mashq jari rakhiay insha Allah behtri aay gi.

10: Messam Kazmi……….(4+4)=8

Jnab buhat acha kalam hay app ka. Kafi khobsurat asha’ar hain. But kuch asha’ar aise lage k app ne zabardasti keh diay hain shayad. Albata achi ghazal rahi app ki. Ainda bhi isi tarah se share karte rahiay.

11: Silent_Wishes………..(2.5+4.5)= 7

Wah Jnab kia baat hay app k kalam ki. Buhat he umdah ghazal hay aur thoughts tu buhat he khobsurat hain, Buhat eh lutf aya app ka kalam parh kar. Agarcha app ki tehrer main Wazn aur behar ki kafi kami dekhne main aaiii hay but phr bhi aik khobsurat ghazal hay. App apni mashq jari rakhiay aur Ramooz ki taraf khas tawaja dijiay, Buhat nikhar ajay ga app k kalam main.

12: Shehr-e-wafa ………(4+4) =8

Jharna, Khushi hoi app k kalam dekh kar, Kafi improve kia hay app ne, Wazn aur behar tu bilkul he thk hay. Pehle tu hamari janib se is par daad qabolo kijiay. Rahi baat thoughts kit u wo bhi ache hain. Sach janaiN tu buhat acha laga k app ne itni mehnat ki hay. Buhat si daad qabool kijiay aur mashq jari rakhiay. Allah app ko aur atta kare. (amen)

13: Zeneya…………..(3+3.5)=6.5

Aik achi kawish hay app ki janib se muhtarma. Go k abhi wazn main kuch gunjaish hay but wo waqt k sath aur muta’lay jari rakhiay ache aur ustad shua’ara ka is se behtari aay gi khaylat main bhi.

14: Bailamos……………(1+3)=4

Achi ghazal hay jnab. But abhi app ko kafi behtri lani hay. Mashq jari rakhiay insha Allah behtri ajay giiii.

Sab ne buhat ache kalam share kiay hain. Meri janib se sab buhat si daad qabool karain. Aur buhat khush rahiay.

Dua’Go

Mehtab

**kanch ki mehroo** · #4 07-29-2007, 07:41 PM

1: Furqan85.

muqablay maiN aik naya chehra daikh kar khushi huwi..welkom...apke khayalat yaqeenan bohat khubsoorat haiN...khas taur par kuch asa'ar aur misroN ne mujhe mutasir kia..magar abhi mazeed mehnat ki zaroorat hai...ap behar aur wazan par tawajja dijiye...yaqeenan bohat khubsoorat likhnay lagaiN gay...

behr aur wazan = 1.5
deegar = 3.4
total = 4.9

2: Shoibb4u

apka nam bhi muqabloN maiN pehli martaba daikha...welkom.. apki koshish khoob rahi..magar abhi apko mehnat ki bohat zaroorat hai...2 misroN maiN apne qawafi ka khayal nahiN kia...wazan aur behr ki bhi bohat kami mehsoos huwi... magar dil chota karnay ki zaroorat nahiN...mashq jari rakhiye...

behr aur wazan = 0
deegar = 1
total = 1

3: Fehmeeda Ishtiyaq

apki ghazal parhi...achi lagi...magar abhi apko bhi mehnat ki zaroorat hai...behr aur wazan par tawajja dijiye...aur mashq jari rakhiye..

behr aur wazan = .5
deegar = 2.2
total = 2.7

4: Faypal

bhai ji...apka nam muqablay maiN daikha...bohat khushi huwi...aur apki ghazal parh kar khushi dobala ho gaii...yaqeenan ap Poets Club maiN aik shandar izafa haiN...mashAllah bohat umda likhtay haiN...aisay hi likhtay rahiye..

behr aur wazan = 4
deegar = 4.8
total = 8.8

5: Yasmin Ahmad

apko bhi muqablay maiN daikh kar khushi huwi...ainda bhi aisay hi shirkat karti rahiye ga... ghazal apki umda rahi...mazeed mehnat jari rakhiye..

behr aur wazan = .9
deegar = 2.4
total = 3.3

6: bekhudi

PC aur contest maiN aik khush gawar izafa daikh kar bohat acha laga..apke khayalat mutasir kun haiN...magar abhi apko wazan aur behr par mazeed tawajja dainay ki zaroorat hai...yaqeenan bohat jald ap is khami par bhi qabu pa laiN gi...

behr aur wazan = 1.9
deegar = 3.5
total = 5.4

7: Noor-al-Sabah

Noor...yaqeen mano...bohat hi khubsoorat...bohat hi umda ghazal kahi tumne...bohat lutf aya parh kar... bohat umda khayalat ... khubsoorat andaz...wahhhhh...

behr aur wazan = 4
deegar = 5.2
total = 9.2

8: gumaan

HG aur PC maiN khush amadeed gumaan...achi kawish rahi apki...magar abhi mazeed mehnat ki zaroorat hai...mashq jari rakhiye...

behr aur wazan = 0
deegar = 1.2
total = 1.2

9: Aas

aap aur yahaN ... ... khush gawar hairat huwi apko PC maiN daikh kar... apki ghazal bhi khoob rahi... bas zara wazan ki kami thi...baqi sab theek tha...

behr aur wazan = 0
deegar = 1.3
total = 1.3

10: Meesam Kazmi

wahhhh janab...bohat hi umda ghazal kahi aapne...PC maiN ap bohat hi khubsoorat izafa haiN...aisay hi shandar likhtay rahiye...wahh..

behr aur wazan = 4
deegar = 4.9
total = 8.9

11: silent_wishes

apki kawish bohat umda rahi...kuch misray to bohat hi khubsoorat kahay aapne...magar kahiN kahiN wazan ki kami mehsoos huwi... mashq jari rakhiye...yaqeenan bohat jald aap bohattt khubsoorat likhnay lagaiN gay...

behr aur wazan = 2.9
deegar = 3.3
total = 6.2

12: Shehr-e-Wafa

bohat khushi huwi tumhara naam muqablay maiN daikh kar...bohat umda...aur dilkash ghazal kahi tumne...wah..umeed hai ainda bhi shirkat karti rahogi...

behr aur wazan = 3.8
deegar = 4
total = 7.8

13: Zeneya

HG aur PC maiN khush amadeed Zeneya...apki kawish umda rahi, khas taur par khayalat..magar abhi wazan k hawalay say apko mazeed mehnat ki zaroorat hai...likhti rahiye...

behr aur wazan = 2
deegar = 3
total = 5

14: Bailamos_

Umair sahab...muqablay maiN apka nam daikh kar khushi huwi... ghazal apne umda kahi...khayalat ne khas taur par mujhe mutasir kia...wazan aur behr par mazeed tawajja dijiye...aur mashq jari rakhiye..

behr aur wazan = 1
deegar = 3
total = 4

aap tamam sathiyoN ki shirkat ka bohat shukriya..umeed hai ainda bhi apne khubsoorat kalaam k sath muqabloN maiN shirkat kartay rahaiN gay...

naik tamannaoN k sath...
khush rahiye

**WanderingThoughts** · #5 07-29-2007, 11:03 PM

As-salam-o-alaikum dosto!

Marking k sath hazir huN.... bohat khushi ki bat hy k is bar muqabla-e-terhi ghazal meiN bohat si achi achi ghazleN paRhny ko miliN…. Jin ki marking kuch youN hy:

1: Furqan85

Furqan bhai aap ne achi ghazal kahi, hy….. baz misroN se mehsoos hota hy k ap ki tabiat meiN qudarti wazn maujud hy, ager aap kuch mehnat aur tawaju deN to is se bhi acha likh sakhty haiN…. Jesy k ye misra bohat acha laga ap ki ghazal ka “Kuch mer mity qadmoN meiN tery tab na la kr”. Aur isi trha kuch aur misry bohat rawaN aur khubsurat lagy….
Mager abhi overall dekha ja’ay to aap ki ghazal k akser sheroN meiN wazn aur rawani ka masla hy.

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 3
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3

Total Marks = 6

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2: Shoaibb4u

Agli ghazal hy Shoaib bhai ki… sohail bhai aap ki ghazal k thoughts to bohat achy haiN…. Mager ap ki kawish meiN Ghazal k kuch bunyani araakeen ki kami nazer aaei, jesa k “qafia” aur radeef”. aur yahi do chezeN ghazal likhny ka pehla step hota hy. So aap ager ghazal k basics ki taraf taawaju deN gy to is se aap ko me’yaari gahzal likhny meiN bohat madad mily gi…

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 2
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 2

Total Marks = 4

----------------------------------

3: Fehmeeda ishtiaq

Fehmida Shaiba aap ki ghazal bhi khoob rahi, khyalat bohat umda haiN, khas kr gira-band sher meiN bohat hi acha khyal bandha hy ap ne… bas aap ki ghazal meiN kami jo rahi wo wazn ki aur rawani ki hy…. Ager ap in do baton ki taraf tawaju deN aur in pr aboor hasil krny ki koshish kreN to aap ki shairi meiN bohat nikhaar paida ho ga…

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 2
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3

Total Marks = 5

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4: Faypal

Bari aati hy Afzal bhai ki, jnab aap ki ghazal bohat hi khoob rahi, dusry sher ki to kya hi bat hy, khas kr dusry sher ka dusra misra to is qadar berjesta aur rawaN hy k lutf hi aa gya… kuch sheroN meiN to aap ne andaz-e-baayN aur rawani k lehaz se bohat acha asar choRa… alfaaz ka istamal bhi aisa raha k misry khud-bakhud ada ho rahy haiN… teeshra sher hy to bohat acha lekin is meiN lafz “ye” izafi sa lag raha hy, k is k baghair bhi matlab wazen hy sher ka…. (Aisa laga k rawani ko pora krny k liay ye lafz istamal hua hy). Aakhri se pehly waly sher meiN aap ne lafz istamal kiay “wo piyar”, yahaN lafz “wo” wazahat talab hy, sher meiN is k mutaliq koi ishara nahi milta k aap kis pyar ki bat kr rahy haiN… isi trha maqta k dusry misry meiN lafz “bhi” izafi sa laga, k is ki waja nazer nahi aaei… mager overall aik bohat achi ghazal aap ki janib se parhny ko mili….

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 4
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 4.7

Total Marks = 8.7

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5: Yasmin Ahmad

Yasmin Sahiba aap ne bhi aik achi ghazal kahi… aap k sheroN ko paRh kr mehsoos hua k aap ki tabiyat meiN bhi qudarti rawani maujud hy, so aap se yahi kehna hy k jis qadar ho sakta hy likheN aur apni is salahiat ko baRhany ki koshish kreN…. Sath hi Urdu shairi k deegar araakeen pr bhi tawaju deN, aap ki shairi meiN mazeed nikhaar paida ho ga…. Aap ki gahzal k pehly sher ka pehly lafz k sath bhi wali moamla derpesh hy k is lafz ki jaga nahi banti sher meiN… (Yaani izafi hy…) ahsaar meiN takhayul acha hy, alfaz ka istal bhi khoob hy…

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 3
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3.5

Total Marks = 6.5

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6: Bekhudi

Aap ki ghazal bhi bohat umda hy, pehly kuch sher to khoob kahy aap ne. alfaaz ka istamal aur takhayul ki parwaz khoob hy, mager wazn, behr aur rawani k lehaz se kami mehsoos ho rahi hy, so isy behter krny ki koshish kreN… overall aik achi ghazal share ki ap ne,

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 2.5
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3.5

Total Marks = 6

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7: Noor-al-Sabah

Bari aati hy Noor-al-Sabah Sahiba ki ghazal ki… aap ki ghazal bhi bohat hi khoob rahi… khas kr aap ne girah bohat achi lagaei... aap ki ghazal maiN aik bat jo mehsoos ki wo ye k sheroN meiN alfaaz ka istamal to acha hy lekin un ki banawat k hawaly se kuch behtri ki zuroorat hy… misral k tor pr panchweN sher k pehly misry pr ghor kreN: “tum zat meiN ho apni hi eilaan-e-mahabat”. Is misry meiN kuch lafzoN ki tarteeb badalny se misra ziada dilkash ho sakta hy. Baqi khyalat bohat umda haiN, aur sheroN meiN rawani bhi qadry achi hy….
Aao ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 4
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 5

Total Marks = 9

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8: gumaan

Rehan bhai aap ne bhi aik achi ghazal share ki… kuch hseroN meiN khyalat bohat achy haiN aur alfaaz ka istamal bhi khoob hy… mager overall dekha ja’ay to abhi ap ki shairi shairi meiN rawani aur wazn k hawaly se mehnat ki zuroorat hy… so jis qadar ho sakta hy apny khyalat ko supurd-e-qalam kry raheN, aur sath hi urdu shairi k in pehlo’oN ki taraf tawaju deN, aap ki shairi meiN zuroor nikhaar aata ja’ay ga…
Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 2
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3

Total Marks = 5

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9: Aas

Aas bhai ki bari aati hy… jnab aap ne to kamal hi kr diya, yaani k ik ada pr musharaf ko baich aa’aiN gy aap? Khayalaat to bohat jarihana haiN aap k, aap k sheroN meiN wazn, rawani, andaaz-e-bayaN aur alfaaz k achy istamal k lehaz se behtri ki gunaish nikalti hy…. Wahi bat kahuN ga k mashq-e-sukhan jari raheN aap k kalam meiN nikhaar ata ja’ay ga.

Ap ki kawish ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 1
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 2

Total Marks = 3

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10: Meesam Kazmi

Kazmi Sahab ki ghazal pr bat krty haiN… jnab aap ne bhi khoob ghazal pesh ki. Kuch misry to bohat lutf de rahy haiN… takhayul, alfaaz ka munasib istamal aur rawani k lehaz se aap ki ghazal bherpur hy…. Albat’ta pehly sher k pehly misry meiN lafz “aaj” ager maujuda ki baja’ay kisi aur muqam pr hota to shyad misra parhny meiN ziada bhala lagta. Is k sath sath aakhri sher k dusry misry meiN lafz “bhi” izafi mehsoos ho raha hy… overall aik umda ghazal share ki hy aap ne.

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 4
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 4.7

Total Marks = 8.7

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11: silent_wishes

Ihsan sahib aap ki ghazal bhi khoob rahi, khyal umda pesh kiay aap ne, alfaaz ka chunao bhi khoob hy, lekin abhi behr aur wazn k hawaly se kuch muqamaat pr kami ka ehsas hua… misroN ki banawat aur alfaaz k munabis muqam pr istamal ki taraf bhi tawaju ki zuroorat hy…. likheN aur khoob likheN, kyuN-k ye points aisy haiN jin pr kuch tawaju di ja’ay to dur ho ja’aiN gy… overall aik achi ghazal rahi.

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 3
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3.5

Total Marks = 6.5

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12: Shehr-e-Wafa

Jharnaa Gul sahiba aap ki ghazal bhi un ghazalz meiN se rahi jian ki maarkty waqt khasi diqat pesh aaei… wo is liay k khasa baareeki se dekhna paRa her sher ko…. Takhayul, lafaz k chunao, wazn aur behr k lehaz se aap ki gahzal umda rahi… bas kuch muqamat pr aisa mehsoos hua k kuch alfaz ka istamal wazn ko pora krny k liay kiya gya hy, missal k tor pr 2nd sher k pehly misry meiN lafz “ye” aur 4th sher k pehly misry meiN lafz “is” zuroorat k tehat nahi balkay rawani k liay istamal huay haiN… aap ki ghazal ka aik sher to bohat hi dilkash laga, bohat sadgi aur malaimat hy is sher k aahang meiN… khas kr dusra misry meiN.

Lab keh na saky bat jo, aankhoN ne kahi hy hy,
palkoN ko jhuka kr, kabhi palkoN ko uTha kr.

Overall aik umda kawish hy.

so Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 4
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 4.5

Total Marks = 8.5

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13: Zeneya

Aap ki taraf se bhai aik achi ghazal parhny ko mili. Aap ki ghazal k ahsaar dekh kr andaza hota hy k aap zood-go shairi haiN… kafi sher likh diay aap ne… sheroN meiN khyalat achy pesh kiay ap ne, mager abhi urud poetry ki bunyadi pehluoN maslan wazn , rawani waghaira ki taraf tawaju ki zuroorat hy…

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 2
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3.5

Total Marks = 5.5

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14: Bailamos_

Aakhri ghazal hy Umair bhai ki, to jnab aap ki ghazal paRh kr ehsaas hua k aap ki her tehreer pichli ki nisbat ziada nikhri hui hoti hy… is bar bhi muqably k jo ghazal ap ne pesh ki wo bohat achi hy, khyalat umda haiN aur unheN achy andaaz meiN pesh bhi kiya hy aap ne, bas wahi bat hy k abhi wazn, rawani, behr aur deegar pehlo’oN ki taraf tawaju ki zuroorat hy…

Aap ki ghazal ko milty haiN:

Behr aur Wazn: 2
Andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3.5

Total Marks = 5.5

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aakhir maiN sab dostoN ka aik bar phir shukriya k unhoN ne itna acha kalam share kiya... Allah Mola aap sab ko bohat ziada ata kary. umeed hy aainda bhi ap isi josh aur jazby se muqabloN meiN hisa lety raheN gy...

ws-salam
Faizan Ahmad.

**kanch ki mehroo** · #6 07-31-2007, 08:57 PM

aap tamaam judges ka baihad shukriya...

khush rahiye
HG Administration.

Urdu Poetry Forum

raye shumari baraye muqabla-e-tarahi ghazal..

raye shumari baraye muqabla-e-tarahi ghazal..