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This is a discussion on raye shumari baray tarahi ghazal Nov2008 within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; As'salam O ALaikum, NOVEMBER 2008 k tarahi ghazal k muqabley main shirkat k leye un tamam satiyoo.n ka shukriya jinhoo.n ...
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#1
11-22-2008, 01:07 PM
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As'salam O ALaikum, NOVEMBER 2008 k tarahi ghazal k muqabley main shirkat k leye un tamam satiyoo.n ka shukriya jinhoo.n nay is main shirkat ki ... is bar ka misra tha: "Raat bhar nam raha hay aankhoN meiN" Ab waqt howa chchta hy marking ka. tu ham muntazir rahin gy apny judjes ky k wo hamen apni raye aur marking se agah kren. marking ka criteria ye hay: behr aur wazn = 4 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 6 total marks = 10 is contest k judges k nam ye hain: saraabs, Zehrab, Atif Saeed, WanderingThoughts wesy to is martbara sari hi ghalain buhut achi aai hain chaliye dykhty hain is maah kon winner qarar paty hy. tu muqabley main shamil ghazlain ye hain 1. Ghulam Haider Ranj paiham raha hai aaNkhoN meN. Bas tera gham raha hai aaNkhoN meN. Jo bhi manzar tha teri furqat ka, Raat bhar nam raha hai aankhoN meN. Dekhne ka teri heseeN soorat, Shauq kab kam raha hai aaNkhoN meN. Dard uThta hai dil meN furqat ka, Khoon sa jam raha hai aaNkoN meN. Qabl az marg ho tera deedaar, Is qadar dam raha hai aaNkhoN meN. Zakhm e dil ki dava bane Haider, Ab jo marham raha hai aaNkhoN meN. 2. SaHiR Be'rukHi Kay Alam Main Bhi AitRaf Raha Hai Aknhon Main Mujhay Khonay Ka Andisha Kitna Saaf Raha Hai Aknhon Main Dil Ko Rah Nazroon Say Milti Hai Laboon Say Nahi .... Husn Walon Ka Yahi Ausaaf Raha Hai Ankhon Main Nigah-E-Yaar Main Karb Ki Tasbiyan Liay Bhithay Hain Hum DardMondon Ko Yahi AitaKaf Raha Haii Ankhon Main Shab Dil-e-Shakista Zaar Kay Sab Ramoz Khol Diay Tum Nay Sab Raz Khutay Rahay Magr Ik LaHaf Raha Hai Aknhon Main Kiasay Muskra Kay Kaheen Aur Ko Deikhtha Tha Woh .. SaHiR Tera Yaar Kitna NaInsaaf Raha Hai Ankhon Main 3. Rrahi Eshq Muhram raha he aankho me Naqsh ye Jam raha he aankho me ******************** ****** kesey keh doon k wo nahi aaya wo tou har dam raha he aankho me ******************** ****** Aek dil kash khayal tha lekin Raat bhar nam raha he aankho me ******************** ****** Koi manzar na kushNuma dekha Haye wo gham raha he aankho me ******************** ****** Rrahi tanha si zindagi me gham Mera hamDam raha he aankho me 4. ahsan225 abr barham raha hai aankho mein raat bhar nam raha hai aankho mein koi soorat ho tujhko dekhooN mein aisa aalam raha hai aankho mein neend aae na chain hai jab se hijr mausam raha hai aankho mein mera mehram usay khuda ker jo misl e merham raha hai aankho mein kab sitaaroN say nain hein meray ashk hein , gham raha hai aankho mein usko sochooN to khwaab lagta hai aks madham raha hai aankho mein chhan k sooraj tumharay aanchal se lehr sa jam raha hai aankho mein Ahsan usko chupa k rakh lo kaheen pal ko woh tham raha hai aankho mein 5.MEHWISH AFSAR Us ko hi dekha hai in ankhoon main her sham se pahlay aur her sahar kay baad in ankhoon main her lamha wo rothnay ki ada dikhata hai aur qahar kia howa is qahar kay baad in ankhoon main jis subha na daikh sakain yeh ankhain us ko nahi hoti arzo hayat is sahar kay baad in ankhoon main soch kay juda hona phir mil na paien gay thar jain gay rat jagay phir in ankhoon main meray hasnay ka hi bharam thor diya lakh ashkoon ko chopaya in ghazali ankhoon main roth gai hai qismat hamri per raat bhar raha hai naam tera in ghzali ankhoon main 6. mobi91 bas yahi gham raha hai aankoN meiN tu bohot kam raha hai aankahoN meiN kaise tujh ko bhula diya maiN ne tu to har damm raha hai aankhoN meiN yaad aaye teray wisaal kay din "raat bhar namm raha hai ankhoN meiN" shab-e-waslat ka kya gila kijiye mera hum-dumm raha hai aankhoN meiN fikr-e-duniya ki barhamee kay baad moo-e-pur kham raha hai aankhoN meiN khwab kay baad bhi kaii din tak chehra paiham raha hai aankhoN meiN andaleeb-e-bahaar kay hotay gul ka maatam raha hai aankhoN meiN raat ambar pay kal woh poora chand misl-e-marham raha hai aankhoN meiN noch phinkooN maiN khuun-e-maqtal ko haaye! jo jam raha hai ankhoN meiN kal "Mudabbar" ko ik jhalak dekha kitna barham raha hai aankhoN meiN 7.chalatmusafir koi to gham raha hai aankhoN main koi kaise? kam raha hai aankhoN main khoon se likha hua ek khat raat bhar nam raha hai aankhoN main jise dekh kar hum ajnabi se ho gaye kabhi hum dam raha hai aankhoN main snfe hawwa ki binaee sadyoN se girwi hai magar khaab, dam badam raha hai aankhoN main lahoo main ashk mile to znda tamanna ho khusk sa khoon jam raha hai aankhoN main kya us shahr se abre tahreek guzre ? wahi mausam wahan tham raha hai aankhon main use jata hua dekhuN to bichhad jaaye ek ajeeb sa wahum rahaa hai aankhoN main 8. Dukh "Raat Bhar Naam Raha Hy Ankhon Main"... Ik Anso Tairta Raha hy In Ankon Main... Zamana Har Bar Phar Leta hy Usy, Shayed... Tera Naam Chalak'ta Raha Hy Ankhon Main... Tarpa'ny Ki bhi Koi Hadd Hoti Hy Jan-e-Wafa... Door Reh Kr Bhi Tu Basaa Raha hy Ankhon Main... Ajj Bhi Jab Yaad Ata hy to Khoon Rulata Hy Mujhy... Ik BayWafa Jo Sadiy0n Raha Hy in Ankhon Main... Mery Pass Hoty Hoye Bhi Wo Mery Pas Nahi Tha... Wasal ki Shaab Ajab AnjanaPan Raha hy Ankhon Main... Wo Loag Jinhain Wafa Dass Leti Hy ik Barr, Sari Umer... Dard Raha hY Un k Seny Main Or Nam Raha hy Ankhon Main... Apny DiL he k Kesi Kony Main Isy Dafan Kr Lay "ATIF"... Ya Jo Lawa Sa Chalak Raha hy Tari Ankhon Main... 9..waheedakhtar 10. HASIL-E-ZEEST Dukh ka aalum raha hai aankhon men Saf-e-matem raha hai aankhon men ********** Hasil-e-zeest khud lut'te dekha itna to dum raha hai aankhon men ********** janta tha mujhe us se mohabbat hogi isi liye wo kum raha hai aankhon men ********* isliye to yahan charaghan hai mera sanem raha hai aankhon men ********* sarey wade usi ne torey jo kha k qasem raha hai aankhon men ******** us pe Q toot k pyar aata hai jub bhi berham raha hai aankhon men ******** usne ruswaiyan jo bakhshin to sharem se khum raha hai aankhon men ******** Hiddat-e-Ishq thi ragon men phir lahu Q jum raha hai aankhon men ******* soch dil ki nigah men likh deta kesa qalem raha aankhon men ******* dekhi jo teri berukhi humne gehra zakhem raha hai aankhon men ******* Ta'abir-e-khuwab ek parhi jubse khuwab seham raha hai aankhon men ******* jub bhi socha k kdoi ghazel likhen lafz bus "TUM"raha hai aankhon men ******* diya wafa ka kbhi tumne jo jalaya tha buht dinon se madhem raha hai aankhon men ******* kuch ese dil men basaya hai uski surat ko her ek pul mera humdum raha hai aankhon men ******** purane zakhem bhi sarey jalne lagte hen Ya KHUDA!kesa ye merhum raha hai aankhon men ******* bicher k itna bata dena k bin mere kesi shamen,kesa mosum raha hai aankhon men ******** usey pasand thi rim jhim,isi khayal se bus RAAT BHER NUM RAHA HAI AANKHON MEN 11.bailamos  ye thread sirf judjes k liye hy kisi bhi qism ki dosri post delete kar di jay gi shukriya, ws-salam Intzamia www.hallagulla.com
__________________ wanna read me click here   Last edited by Aisha Baig; 11-24-2008 at 12:48 PM..     |
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#2
12-01-2008, 07:18 AM
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As-salam-o-alaikum Dosto! -------------------------------------------------------pehly to takheer ki bohat maazrat chahta huN, dusri bat ye k is bar masroofiat ki waja se tafseeli marking nahin kr paya, lehaza sirf marks hi likh sakun ga.... marking kuch youN hay: ------------------------------------------------------- 1. Ghulam Haider behr aur wazn = 4 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 5.5 marks total marks = 9.5 2. SaHiR behr aur wazn = 0 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 3 marks total marks = 3.0 3. Rrahi behr aur wazn = 4 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 4 marks total marks = 8.0 4. ahsan225 behr aur wazn = 4.0 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 4.0 marks total marks = 8.0 5.MEHWISH AFSAR behr aur wazn = 0 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 3.0 marks total marks = 3.0 6. mobi91 behr aur wazn = 4.0 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 5.5 marks total marks = 9.5 7.chalatmusafir behr aur wazn = 0.5 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 3.0 marks total marks = 3.5 8. Dukh behr aur wazn = 0 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 3.0 marks total marks = 3.0 9..waheedakhtar behr aur wazn = 3.5 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 5.0 marks total marks = 8.5 10. HASIL-E-ZEEST behr aur wazn = 1.0 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 3.0 marks total marks = 4.0 11.bailamos behr aur wazn = 2.0 marks andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal = 3.0 marks total marks = 5.0 wish u all best of luck 
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#3
12-02-2008, 05:27 AM
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HG ke Dosto! Assalam-o-Alaikum. Muqabla-e-tarahi ghazal ki marking maiN takheer per ma'azrat. Muqabla nihaet umda raha aur bohot si shandaar ghazleiN paRhnay ko mileeN. Marking kuch yuN hai: Ghulam Haider: behr aur wazan: 4 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 5.5 Total: 9.5 Sahir: behr aur wazan: 0 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 2 Total: 2 Rrahi: behr aur wazan: 3.5 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 4.5 Total: 8 Ahsan225: behr aur wazan: 4 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 5 Total: 9 Mehwish Afsar: behr aur wazan: 0 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 1 Total: 1 Mobi91: behr aur wazan: 4 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 5.5 Total: 9.5 Chalatmusafir: behr aur wazan: 1 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 3 Total: 4 Dukh: behr aur wazan: 0 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 2.5 Total: 2.5 Waheed Akhtar Wahid: behr aur wazan: 3.5 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 5 Total: 8.5 Hasil-e-Zeest: behr aur wazan: 0.5 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 2.5 Total: 3 Bailamos: behr aur wazan: 1.5 andaz-e-bayan, rawani, takhayul, alfaz ka istamal: 4 Total: 5.5
__________________ ******************** ******************** **** Raaz-e-dil kehne ki koshish ka nateeja ye hua Raaz dil maiN hi raha, lab gaye goyayee se Last edited by Saraabs; 12-02-2008 at 05:29 AM.. |
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raye shumari baray tarahi ghazal Nov2008 
