Urdu Poetry Forum

dosra kalam:Karb

luckylibra

heer_malik

:Qassim:

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plzzz muj ko bata dain kay judges kon hain or kiss terha numbers dene hai
or kia jin ki nazam shamil hoi hai wo bhi numbers day sakte hain

main nay akhir main judges k naam deye hain...

nahi sirf judges hi faisla karain gai... app intazar kejeye faisley ka

AssalamoAlaikum,
kisi contest ka judge ban'na koi aasaan kaam nahi hai. itney khoobsoorat kalaam ko marks dena ke aik member jeet jaye ........ kafi mushkil hai. magar rasm-e-dunya bhi nibhani hai iss liye kaam ka aaghaz karta hoo'n aur tarteebwaar har nazm ko points de raha hoo'n

Meerji: hazrat aap ne nazmgoyi ke contest mein ghazal arsaal kar di
ghazal pe baat kartey huye agar dekha jaye to ghazal ka khayaal umda hai , magar , iss mein takneeki khaamiyaan bohat hain. pehley hi shair mein qaafiya radeef aik doosrey se alag ho gey hain.
KARB KI IS RAAT KA GUZARNA ABHI BAAQI HAI
MAIRAY ZAKHMOON SAI LAHOO KA RASNA ABHI BAAQI HAI
pehley shair ke pehley misrey mein Abhi , shayed apni jaga pe nahi tha
ghazal ki bahar mein choti bari ho rahi hai ahsaar ke saath. iss pe bhi tawajjo deney ki zaroorat hai
meri tarf se aap ki iss ghazal ko 5 marks

Karb: bohat umda nazm share ki aap ne
ikhtesaar ke saath aap ne chand sawaloo'n ke saath karb ko bohat umdagi se bayaan kiya hai. meri taraf se iss nazm ko 8 points

Luckylibra: aap ne bhi nazm goyi ke muqaabla mein aik adad ghazal share kar di . beshak ghazal ka khayaal bohat umda hai aur mujhey zati tor pe aap ki ghazal achhi lagi ke mukhtalif mozoo pe likhi hai aap ne. aaj kal ke doar mein muamlaat-e-zindegi pe bohat kam likha jata hai , meri taraf se aap ki kawish ko 5 marks.

Heer_malik: agar main ghalati nahi kar raha to ghaliban aap ne ghazal paish ki hai yahan pe. jabke muqaabla nazm goyi ka tha . agar issey ghazal ki nazar se dekha jaye to aap ki kawish yaqeenan bohat umda hai. magar nazm goyi ke muqaabla mein aik nazm ko hi hona chahye tha. meri taraf se aap ke kalaam ko 5 marks

Qasim: bohat khoobsoorat kalaam paish kiya aap ne aur nazm ka unwaan bhi bohat zabardast hai takhayyul bhi umda hai nazm ka , alfaaz mein tasalsul bhi shamil hai.
merei taraf se iss nazm ko 7 marks.

Mystique: mukhtasit magar bohat khoobsoorat nazm paish ki aap ne. khayaalaat mein rawaani aur tasalsul bohat umda hai. meri taraf se iss nazm ko 8.5 marks

Rida jabeen: bohat khoobsoorat nazm hai aur taweel bhi. itni tawaalat tak kisi nazm ko iss tarah rawaa'n rakhna itna aasaan nahi, magar aap ne yeh kaam bohat umdagi se kiya hai . meri taraf se iss nazm ko 8 marks

Aik Lamha: bhai ji bohat umda nazm hai , tasalsul hai khayaalaat mein , alfaaz mein rawaani bhi hai , khayaal bhi bohat umdagi se paish kiya gaya hai. merei taraf se iss nazm ko 8.5 points in total

Shumayela rana : nazm mein rawani bhi mojood hai aur andaz-e-bayaan bhi achha hai. magar achanak nazm ka khayaal badal gaya. aaghaz se anjaam tak ........ Karbala ki wo taigh ho ...... iss satar se nazm ne achanak palta khaya aur mujhey laga ke nazm kamkhayal jo aaghaz mein tha wo tabdeel ho gaya hai.
meri taraf se iss nazm ko 7 points

best of luck to all participants and hope to see more of yr work in future
Allah Hafiz.
Ankaboot.

as-salam-o-alaikum to all…

ntaaij se pehly miaN Kuch baat’aiN ‘NAZM’ k hawaly se btatna chahuN ga k nazm k 3 basic hissy hoty haiN,

1- ibtidaa(is maiN unwaan ka taaruf hota hy)
2- phailaoo (yahaN unwaan k tehat nazm ko phailaaya jatahy)
3- ikht’taam ya Urooj[climax] (is hissy main nazm ko smaita jata hy aur aik peak pr pohnchaya jata hy, yaani hasil’e byaan bat ki jati hy) Nazm maiN aik bat zururi hoti hy k jis unwaan k tehat nazm likhi ja rahi hy, aakhri hissa, us unwaan ki bherpoor trjumani kary.

yahaN pr maiN is maah ki nazm k unwaan “KARB” ko bhi apni soch k mutabiq byan krna chahuN ga.

KARB:

Karb aik jazba hy, jo us us waqt paida hota hy jab insaan chahty hoy bhi koi commitment puri na kr saky, ya us k sath zamana esi chaal chal ja’ay k jis ka tor us k pas mojud na ho…. (kuch, na kr sakny ka ehsaas).


Muqabla-e-Nazm goi k ntaaij kuch yuN haiN:

1st entery: Meerji

Meerji aap ki taraf se aik achi kawish parhne ko mili, khyaalat achy haiN, alfaaz ki selection bhi khoob hy, but rawani main garbar hy….
maiN ne aik bat aur meh’soos ki aap k ashaar main, wo ye k mozu k eitbaar se bhi aap ke ashaar main kuch kami reh gai… (but ye bat kabil-e-staaish hy k aap ne is contest maiN issa liya)

meri taraf se aap ki kawish ko milty haiN 5 marks. (likhty rahi’ay khoob se khoob ter k li’ay)

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2nd entery : Karb

To Karb ji! Aap ki janib se bhi nazm likhny ki aik achi kawish hy, aik achi bat is nazm jo mujhy lagi, wo ye k ba’az misroN main bohat rawani hy (alfaaz ki trteib esi hy k aik hi lay maiN sara misra parha jata hy…) unwaan pr bhi achi grift hy aap ki...

magar abhi bohat se mukaamat pr behtri ki gunjaa’ish hy.

To meri taraf se aap ko milty haiN 7 points.

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3rd entery: luckylibra

baari aati hy Lucky Libra ki, to dost aap ne aik ghazal post ki hy is liay aap ki is kawish ko aik ghazal k mutabik points di’ay jaa’iN ge.

Achy andaaz maiN ghazal kahi hy aap ne. alfaaz k selection bhi khoob hy, bas kami rahi to wazn ki… (but u need no worry, inshallah ye kami bhi khatm ho jaa’y ge waqt k sath sath)

Meri taraf se aap ko is ghazal pr 6 points milty haiN. (likhty rahi’ay khoob se khoob ter k li’ay)

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4th entery: heer_malik

to jnaab aap ki enteri bhi chuN’ky aik ghazal hy is liay isy bhi aik ghazal k aitbaar se marks diay jaa’ain ge.

Sab se pehli bat jo aap ki ghazal prh kr mery zehn miaN ubhri, k aap ne kuch achuty khyaalat paish ki’ay haiN… yunhi likhty rahi’ay inshallah behteri aati jaa’y gi.

Aap ko points mil’aiN ge 5. (hope to see more better efforts from you in future.)

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5th entery: Qasim

to jnaab-e-Qasim aap ki enteri k mut’alik arz kruN k andaaz’e byaan bohat umda hy… alfaaz ka chunao bohat acha hy, rawani bhi khoob hy.

Meri taraf se aap ko milty haiN 7 points.

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6th entery: mystique

ji Mystique sahiba! Aap ne bhi aik umda kawish paish ki, “Derd k sehra se pary” alfaaz ka acha issta’maal kiya, rawani bhi khoob hy. (no doubt k ye aik mukamal nazm hy, magar unwaan k tehat kuch kami mehsoos hoi mujhy.

So aap ki effort ko milty haiN 7.5 marks.

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7th entery: Rida Jabeen!

Rida Sahiba aap ki janib se aik taweel nazm parhny ko mili, aur nazm main wo tmaam khobiyaN mojud haiN jo aik achi nazm main honi chahi’aiN....

Aik achy shair ki trha Unwaan ko bhi khoob nibhaya hy aap ne.

Kuch kami jo mujhy mehsoos hoi, wo ye k kuch mukaamat pr alfaaz ruk ruk kr ada hoty haiN, yani rawani disturb hoti hy.

So meri taraf se aap ko 8 points milty haiN.

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8th entery: Aik Lamha “mery mseiha”

to jnaab aik lamha ji, aap ki is effort pr to maiN pehly hi achy khasy comments de chukka huN, but points k hawaly se mzeid kuch arz krna chahuN ga.

Alfaaz maiN rawani hy, andaaz-e-byaan bhi umda hy, bila shuba aap ki kawish bhi aik mukamal nazm kehlany ki haqdaar hy.

Magar Nazm ki ibtdaa main kuch kmioN ki waha se rawani maiN rukawat aati hy, but aap ny achy andaaz miaN nazm ko phailaya aur aik bherpoor andaaz se isy smaita aur khatm kiya.

So meri taraf se aap ko milty haiN 8.5 marks.

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9th entery: Shumaela Rana

ji shumaila sahiba! Aik bohat hi achi nazm aap ki taraf se parhny ko mili, aur mera khyal kehta hy k aap ki ye nazm “Nsri Nazm” ki category main aay gi.

Achy khyaalat paish ki’ay aap ne, nazm maiN khyal ka tasalsul bhi brqraar raha, magar aap alfaaz ki trteib miaN ziada se ziada rawani lane ki koshish kraiN.

Kuch kami Jo is nazm main nazar aai, wo ye k nazm k climax k lehaaz se ibtidaa maiN, na-danista tor pr, kuch ibhaam reh gya jo k parhny waly ko chonka deta hy (jb wo karbla waly sequence tak pohanchta hy.)

So meri taraf se aap ki is kawish ko 7 points milty hiaN.


(Uufff............

yar bohat mushkil kaam hy.... subha k 4 baj chuky hiaN aur ab miaN sona chahta huN, subha kam pr bhi jana hy.)

Wish u all best of luck.

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sab hi sathiyoN ne bohattt khubsoorat poems likheeN....agarchay marks daina khasa mushkil hoga magar karna to hai hi...so lets start

Meer ji:
Meer bhai sab say pehli ghalti yeh ke aapne muqabla-e-nazam goi maiN aik adad ghazal share kar di... isliye ab isay ghazal ke taur par hi marks diye jayeNgay...
ghazal ka khayal acha hai...magar mozu par garift nahiN .. ghazal ke aksar ashaar behar say kharij haiN...matla aur 3rd last shair maiN qawafi ka khayal nahiN rakha gaya.... apki ghazal ke liye 4 marks

karb:
bohat khubsoorat andaz...dilkash khayalat... magar...mozu nahiN diya gaya is nazam ko...nazam aakhir maiN unwan say bhi kuch kuch hat si gaii....lekin beharhaal..majmoori taur par aik achi nazam.. meri taraf say 6.5 marks

luckylibra:
aapne bhi nazam ki bajaye ghazal keh di...
diye gaye unwan say kafi hat kar likhi gai ghazal...aksar misray behar say bhi out haiN... majmooi taur par khubsoorat ghazal... 5 marks

Heer_malik:
khubsooorat kawish...magar aik aur ghazal...
teri bandagi maiN fana huwa...
v nice.... 5.5 marks

:Qassim:
beautifulllll poem...bohat hi dilkash nazam...mozu bhi khoob diya gaya....rawani , alfaz ka chunao, khayalat..sab khoob.... 7.5 marks

Mystique:
wahhhh...unwan ke to kia hi kehnay... aur nazam bhi bohat haseeen...khayalat bohat dilkash...alfaz ka iste'maal...sab aa'laa... 8 marks

Rida Jabeen:
khubsoorat unwan ke sath aik bohat achi nazam...alfaz ka chunao bohat khubsoorat..markazi khayal bhi dilkash raha....7.5 marks

Aik Lamha:
mere maseeha...wahhhh...u nwan maiN to goya jan rahi nazam ki...bohatttttt hi khubsooorat nazam...dil maiN utarti huwi...diye gaye mozu ki mukammal tarjumani karti huwi nazam... 9 marks

Shumaela Rana:
khubsoooorat kawish, dilkash khayalat ...magar.....unwan say bohat hat kar ....5 marks

best of luck 2 all of u guyz@};-
khush rahiye

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Mere dil.. Mere musaafir..!