Urdu Poetry Forum

**kanch ki mehroo** · #1 01-22-2007, 09:30 PM

is martaba muqabla-e-nazam goi ke liye jo unwan diya gaya tha...woh tha "bahaar"...hum un sab sho'ra ke shukar guzar haiN jinhoN ne bharpoor tareeqay say muqablay maiN shirkat ki...aur apni khubsooorat tahareer hum sab ke sath share keeN...

jaisa ke aap sab ko ilm hai ke muqablay ke nataaij ka ailaan judges ke mushtarka faislay par mabni hoga...Judges say guzarish hai ke woh 31st January tak is thread maiN apne faislay say aagah karaiN...judges har nazam ko 1-10 tak marks daiNgay..aur aakhir maiN tamaam judges ke diye gaye marks ko jama kar ke hatmi nataaij ka ailaan kia jayega...

judges ke naam darj-e-zail haiN:

(Ankaboot, Aik Lamha, Kanch ki mehroo, Zain, WanderingThoughts, Mehtab )

Evalutaion ka criteria yeh hai

Andaz-e-beyan (5 marks) (rawani, alfaz ka ista'amal, takhayyul)
mozu (5 marks)
total marks = 10
tamam judges k diye huway score ka ausat asal score hoga...

muqablay maiN shamil nazmaiN yeh haiN:

1: Ragni

Chaloo ik EHD-e-WAFA karain
Samjhootoon ko chor kar
Jiney ki baat karain
Aankhoon mein aai nami k pichey
Hulkarey laeiti sharat kehti hae
Chaloo ik EDH-e-WAFA karain

Khuwahishoon k samandar mein
Umangoon ki baat karain
Surajh ki tabandgi mein
Chand sitaroon ki baat karain
DUKHOON mein duobey aarmaan mein
Hontoon mein dabi muskaan kehti hae
Chaloo ik EHD-e-WAFA karain

BAHAROON ki Khizaan rut mein
Ziyst k taptey sehrah mein
Dosti ki phuwaar krain
Nafrat k ess jahaan mein
Khushiyoon ka jahaan kehta hae
Chaloo EHD-e-WAFA karain

Chor k chaley janey waloon k liey
Mill janey ki DUA karain
Maar k bi na bicherian
Ab dost Haq-e-Dosti kehti hae
Chaloo ik EHD-e-WAFA karain

2: Miss Naqvi

“Zindagi aur Bahar”

Ik zara si chah main,
Waqt ki nigha main,
Dasht bhari raah main,
Khud ko hum bhula baithey,
Badloon si raw-ish apna baithey,
Phuul tu khila daaley,
Ansoon bhi baha daaley,
Per mun kay uljhey taroon ko
Dil pay lagay waroon ko
q-ker mita paain gay…?
Kaisay unhain chupaain gay..?
Per yeh umeed jo daamun-geer hay,
Khawishoon main raqam naiye masumoon ki jo tasveer hay,
Amad-e-bahaar ka paigham sunnati howi,
Hathoon ki lakeero main chuppi jo taqdeer hay,
Sunharey lamhoon ka ishara kerti howi,
Masoom si jo tehreer hay,
Ussay khojney ko chal niklay,
Ussi khooj ki raah main,
Ik sabaq khuub seekha,
Zindagi ko paaney main
Bahaar ko bulaney main
Khizaa-n jhailni parti hay,
Sard rawwion say niklo tu,
Tapti garmi jhailni parti hay,
Ik zara si chah main
Dil say aabgeenay ko khusion say sajaney ko,
Mahtaab bananey ko,
Jaa lutaani parti hay.

3: Kanwal Hussain

khush rahiye
HG Administration

Note: Aap tamam sathiyoN se guzarish hay kay iss thread meiN post na kijiye... Judges k ilawa kisi bhi member ki post delete kerdi jaye gi...

**zain** · #2 01-29-2007, 05:10 PM

ASLAAM O ALEKUM,
dosto jesa ke taqreeban sabhi saathiyon ko ma.aloom hi ho ga ke main aaj kal chand aek na guzeer wajuhaat ki bina par mehfil main naheen aa pa raha,lekin choonke is ke bawajood mujhey yeh zimadaari sonpi gayi hai to farz ada karney chala aaya hoon,lekin choonke ziyada waqt naheen hai,is liye sirf marking hi kar raha hoon,umeed hain dost mind naheen karain ge,

so merey khayaal main in nazmon ko jo marks miltey hain,woh kuchh yoon hain k....

1: Ragni............... 7.5

2: Miss Naqvi.............8

3: Kanwal Hussain.........9.5

tamaam doston ka shukriya ke jinhon ne apne bahot khoobsurat kalaam se mehzooz kiya,umeed hai aanda is se b ziyada khoobsurat kalaam parney ko miley ga,
khaas tor se Kanwal saahiba ka be had mashkoor hoon ke jinhon ne apni be had khoobsurat nazam se nawaaza,mujhey yeh nazam zaati tor par be had pasand aayi,aor har lehaaz se mukamal lagi,dua hai ke ALLAH karey zor-e-qalam aor ziyada,
bahot khush rahiye,
ALLAH NIGEHBAAN.

**WanderingThoughts** · #3 01-29-2007, 09:36 PM

As-salam-o-alaikum dosto!!!
Is bar muqabla-e-nazm goi ka unwaan tha “Bahaar”. Sab dostoN ki taraf se bohat acha kalaam parhny ko mila… meri janib se nta’ij kuch youN hain… >
<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p]< font>
1: Ragni
</o:p]<>
“Bahaar k Mozu pr likhi gai aap ki ye nazm “Chaloo ik EHD-e-WAFA karain” aik bohat achi kawish hy,<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn[IMG]http://www.hallagulla.com/urdu/ /><o:p></o:p><font size=" /><o:p></o:p>
nazm ka ba-ghaur ja’iza liya ja’y to ehsaas hota hy k khyaalat achy pesh hu’ay hain, alfaaz ka chunao bhi khoob hy… lekin nazm k misroN main rawani ki kami hy, andaaz-e-bayaN k tehat bhi behtri ki gunja’ish nikalti hy. Mozu k hawaly se dekha ja’y to is maiN kuch tashnagi mehsoos hoti hy…<o:p></o:p>
is nazm se andaaza hota hy k aap ki thori si tawaju, aap k is hunar main numayaN nikhaar paida kr sakti hy.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
aap ki nazm ko milty haiN:<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Andaz-e-beyan = 2.5
mozu = 2.5
total marks = 5
<o:p></o:p>

<o:p>::: --- ::: ---::: --- ::: ---::: --- :::

</o:p><o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
2: Miss Naqvi
aap ki janib se bhi aik bohat khoob nazm parhny ko mili…<o:p></o:p>
technically dekha ja’y to nazm mozu ka achy andaaz main aahata krti dekhai deti hy… lekin abhi bhi is main behteri ki bohat gunja’ish maujud hy… khyalaat bohat achy andaaz main pesh ki’ay ga’y hain, alfaaz ka chunao khoob hy aur istaamal bhi acha hua hy… lekin tamaam nazm main rawani ka pehlu tawaju talab hy… (aur ager ap is pehlo pr tawaju deN to jald hi is main maharat hasil kr sakti hain…)<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
aap k total marks hu’ay:<o:p></o:p>
Andaz-e-beyan = 3
mozu = 3.5
total marks = 6.5

::: --- ::: ---::: --- ::: ---::: --- :::

3: Kanwal Hussain<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>

3rd aur last entery hy Kanwal Sahiba ki… to janab! Aap ki nazm bhi khoob
rahi. Aik bat jo main ne is nazm k ikht’taam pr mehsoos ki, wo ye k is nazm ki crafting achi hui hy… yaani nazm ka structure (aaghaaz, dermiyaan aur aakhir) mukamal hy… ye sab se bara plus-point raha is nazm ka…<o:p></o:p>
deegar pehlo’oN ko dekha ja’y to malum hota hy k nazm ka markazi khyaal, jisy nazm main sath le kr chala gya, khoob hy… alfaaz ka chunao aur un ka istaamal achy hy… lekin is nazm ka sab se bara negative point ye hy k nazm main kuch muqamaat pr wazn aur rawani ki kami mehsoos hoti hy… aur aap jesi Shaira se is bat ki tawaqu nahi ki jati… umeed hy aainda aap is bat ka khyaal rakheN gi…<o:p></o:p>
aap k total marks hu’ay…<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Andaz-e-beyan = 3.5
mozu = 4
total marks = 7.5

::: --- ::: ---::: --- ::: ---::: --- :::

sab dostoN ka aik bar phir bohat sukriya k unhoN ne is muqably maiN hisa lia aur hmaiN itni achi nazmeN parhny ka moqa faraham kiya...
umeed hy aainda bhi aap sab dost isi trha is mehfil ki ronaq maiN izafa krty raheN gy...

Allah Mola ham sab dostoN ko bohat ziada seekhny ki taufeeq ata kary.... Aamin...

**kanch ki mehroo** · #4 01-30-2007, 06:43 PM

Ragni:
apki nazam umda rahi Ragni...khayalat achay thay...lekin .. abhi kuch hawaloN say nazam tawajja talab hai...jaisa ke rawani , andaz-e-bayaN...takhayyul ki mazbooti waghaira...apki nazam ke marks kuch yooN haiN;
andaz-e-bayaaN=2.5
mozu=3
total=5.5

Miss Naqvi:
apki nazam ka khayal bohat umda raha...alfaz ka chunai bhi khoob tha..magar abhi rawani ke hawalay say khasi kami mehsoos huwi .. marks kuch yooN haiN;
andaz-e-bayaaN=3.5
mozu=3.5
total=7

Kanwal Hussain:
Kanwal...apki janib say aik bar phir...bohat khubsoorat nazam parhnay ko mili...nazam ka khayal mujhe bohat pasand aaya..alfaz ka chunao bhi khoob tha aur unwan bhi bohat umda...apki nazam ke marks yeh haiN;
andaz-e-bayaaN=4
mozu=4.5
total=8.5

aap sab dostoN ki shirkat ka bayhad shukriya...umeed hai aainda bhi apni khubsoorat poems ke sath muqabloN maiN shirkat kartay rahaiN gay...

khush rahiye

**Ankaboot** · #5 01-31-2007, 12:25 PM

details fir kabhi sahi
1st contribution = 7
2nd contribution = 8
3rd contribution = 8.5

**foqiazafar** · #6 05-08-2007, 10:39 AM

very nice

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