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RulesThis is a discussion on raaye shumaari baraaye muqabala-e- nazam goi Oct 2006 within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; [center][center] 1) Shehr-e-Wafa 2) Tariq Aziz [/quote] 3) chiraghay akhir shab 4) kanwal Hussain Main ne chaha k tujhay EID ...
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#1
10-14-2006, 05:12 PM
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[center][center]  1) Shehr-e-Wafa  2) Tariq Aziz  [/quote]3) chiraghay akhir shab  4) kanwal Hussain Main ne chaha k tujhay EID pe kuch peshkeroo'n ....!!! Main ne chaha k tujhay Eid pe kuch pesh keron titliyan ded'on mager rang hain kachay un k chand bhejo'n to hai be'jaan sa pather janaa'n! phool bin khushboo k kuch dair hi ji paayen gay taray bhejo'n to kahain toot k khoo jayen gay achay mosam bhi bohat dair nahin rehtay hain ye khizaoo'n ka koi waar kahan sehtay hain kehkashaa'n se to teri aankh kahain roshan hai jugno patay hain zia aankh se teri aksar chandni dhoonday panah aankh main teri aksar sochati ho'n k koi qeemati guhar bhejo'n koi neelam koi yaqoot ya heera dedoo'n phir ye socha hai k tum kanch k nazuk pekar! kis trah dedo'n tujhay tohfay main janaa'n pathar? teri peshani ka perto hai ye soraj janaa'n! teri zulfoo'n ki ghata raat se berh ker janaa'n khushbooyen tera badan oodh k ji paati hain gull ruttain teri hansi dekh k loat aati hain teray meyaar ka kuch bhi to nahin hai janaa'n to hai aakash meri soch zamee'n hai janaa'n zehan uljha hai k...ab kia tujhay soghaat kero'n? thak k socha hai k ab Dil se koi baat kero'n....! Dil main jhanka to jaha'n or tha aabad waha'n tha sitara koi roshan ya tha mahtaab waha'n main ne hanstay hoay dekhay hain kaee khawab wahan titliyaan phool ghata or chamaktay lamhay ghum ko bholay hoye khushiyoon se mehaktay lamhay! aik mandir tha jahan aik sanam roshan tha dilnashee'n aa'kas samaitay hoay ik derpan tha shabnami qatray wahan laal-o-guhar jaisay thay saray hi waqt wahan ujjli saher jaisay thay ye ajab dunya thi jo sab se juda lagti thi meri umroo'n ki duaao'n ka sila lagti thi Dil ki khush bakht si dunya ka sabab naam tera jis k cho lenay se ye DIL hoa anmool mera! naam jo rooh main tehleel hai khushbo ki trah meri nas nas main rawaa'n khoon ki gardish ki trah Dil k band seep main ik qeemti gohar ki trah Iss liye sab se hasee'n cheez ye Dil hai janaa'n hai teray naam se anmool ye dunya janaa'n apni iss chaah ka anjaam main aisay ker doo'n kyun na iss EID pe.... ye DIL tujhay "Toohffa" kerdoo'n..........!! !!! 5) sameera_pearl  6) sleepy_eyes96 EID ab ki bar ess eid ne mangi hai mujh se meri khushyun ki bali waqt k ablon pa bethi meri roh kiss qariny se samait rhy hai hasraton k galy sary lashy bina ye sochy k ess khail ko tu chalty rhna hai pher kitni sadiyan betain gi jub tak na sansain jum jain ess khail ko tu chalty rhna hai kahan ek bar ki bali bujha paye gi khushyun k lahu ki piayas 7) haya n  Last edited by zain; 10-19-2006 at 01:24 PM.                  |
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#2
10-16-2006, 05:47 AM
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AssalamoAlaikum, tamaam sharings ke baghair marking karna kafi mushkil kaam hai , abhi to sirf marks diye ja rahey hain , details baad mein update karoo'n ga. Shehr-e-Wafa : 8 TAriq Aziz :7 Chiraagh-e-Aakhri Shab : 7 |
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#3
10-22-2006, 03:28 PM
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Hairat hai,..........abhi tak sirf aek reply,..woh bhi na mukamal............i s baar tamaam judges kahaan gaye,-:? |
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#4
10-22-2006, 08:49 PM
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 mazrat chahti hooN...is martaba bas marks hi likh sakooNgi...Eid ki aamad aamad hai so kaam ka bohat bojh hai... 1: shehr-e-wafa = 7.5 2: Tariq Aziz = 7 3: chiraghay akhir shab = 6 4: Kanwal Hussain = 7 5: Sameera pearl = 6 6: sleepy_eyes96 = 6.5 7: Haya n = 7 all da best 2 all participants @};-
__________________  . . . Mere dil.. Mere musaafir..! |
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#5
10-22-2006, 11:31 PM
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lo ji maiN ne bhi marking kr hi li... bai bohat hi mushkil kam hy... khair apni taraf se pori koshish ki hy k mukhtasir tareeen ilm (jo maiN rakhta huN) k mutabiq faisla ker sakuN... to ntaij kuch yuN haiN... 1st entry: Shehr-e-Wafa (M. Jherna) Title: Sham-e-Eid ap ne bohat achi nazm kahi. andaaz-e-bayan bohat khobsurat hy, takhayul bhi umda hy, alfaaz ka acha istamal kiya hy… rawani bhi bohat khoob hy (sirf aik do muqamat k, jahaN alfaz k talafuz ki waja se rawani main masla aata hy...) talafuz k bary maiN aik do bateN mention krna chahuN ga. First ye k lafz “Shajr” nahi “Shajar” hota hy (‘jeem’ pr zabar aay ga…) Ap ne jis trah ye lafz istamal kiya usy ager “jeem” pr “jazm” k sath parheN (ghalat talafuz se) to wazn ka taqaza pora hota hy. dosra lafz “siyaah” (seen+ye+alif+hy) jis trha ap ne likha hy us trha parheN to is lafz ki “hy” wazeh ada hoti hy (aur wazn maiN gerber paida hoti hy), yahaN lafz “syeh” aana chahiay tha (seen+ye+hy). ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 7 ------------------------------- 2nd entry: Tariq Azeez Khan Title: Ay kash eid ki khushiaN hmeN bhi raas aateeN Tariq Sahab ap ne bhi achi aur rawaN nazm pesh ki…andaaz-e-bayaN acha hy… alfaz ko achy tareeqy se istamal kya hy… takhayul bhi khoob hy… sirf unwan k tehat kuch tishnagi mehsoos hoi… Aik or bat note kr leN k tabasum moannas nahi hota, muzakkar hota hy… ap ne isy moannas istamal kiya nazm k 14th misry main… “tumhari aik tabasum hy zindagi meri” ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 6.5 ------------------------------- 3rd entry: chiragh-e-aakhir-e-shab (Sonia Iftikhar) Title: Hilaal-e-Eid ap ki janib se bhi aik achi nazm parhny ko mili… sada se alfaaz maiN achy message convey kiay ap ne… andaaz-e-bayan acha hy, rawani main albatta kuch gerber nazer aai… yani is taraf tawaju deny ki zururat hy… ye misra to bohat hi acha laga is nazm ka “khuda naseeb kary sab ko apny piaroN ki deed….” ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 6 ------------------------------- 4th entry: Kanwal Hussain Title: Main ne chaha k tujhay EID pe kuch peshkeroo'n ....!!! kanwal ap ki janib setaweel mager achi nazm parhny ko mili… aik bat jo khas tor pr is nazm k bary maiN krna chahuN ga, wo ye k is nazm maiN unwaan ka poora poora khyal rakha gya... kuch muqamat pr nazer khatki aur mehsoos hua k wazn pora krny k li’ay alfaz ki bherti ki gai hy, lekin akser muaqamat pr behad daad deny ka ji chaha… rawani khoob hy, alfaz ka istamal acha hy, takhayul umda hy, aur wazn k eitbar se bhi koi kami mehsoos nahi hui… ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 8 ------------------------------- 5th entry: Sameera Pearl Title: Payam-e-Eid Sameera ap neb bhi bohat achi nazm share ki… mukhtasir mager mukamal aur dilkash… aur jis andaaz maiN ap ne nazm ko khatm kiya wo bohat acha hy… sada se alfaaz maiN sab kuch byan kr diya… ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 7.5 ------------------------------- 6th entry: Sleepy Eyes. Title: Eid ap neb bhi aik achi nazm takhleeq ki… bohat sensitive aur aik different angle se, khas kr ikhtitaam to bohat tragic hy… andaaz-e-bayaN acha hy, alfaz ka istamal bhi khob hy, aik do misroN k takhayul k bary main kuch confused huN… (3rd & 4th misra)… mozu k eitbar se dekha ja’ay to “Eid” ka pehlu kuch prominent nahi hua… ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 6 ------------------------------- 7th entry: Haya nTitle: Eid ka cahnd Mery Chand ne dekha ho ga Haya! Ap neb bhi aik umda nazm kahi… rawani k lehaz se bhr'pur, alfaaz ka istamal khoob, tkhayul bhi umda… aik do errors nazer aa’y jinheN typing mistakes samajh kr ignore kiya ja sakta hy… kami jo mujhy mehsoos hoi wo thi mozu ki janib se… title tha “Eid ka cahnd mery chand ne dekha ho ga” to is nazm maiN ap k cand k chand dekhny se mutaliq koi bat nazr nahi aai (sirf 2nd misry ke elawa)… yani ager pehly 2 misroN ko nazm se nikal deN to baqi hissa aik mukamal nazm ban sakta hy (kisi aur unwan k tehat…) ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 7.5 ------------------------------------------------- haar jeet se der'kinar, kisi muqably maiN hissa lena hi bohat himat aur aizaaz ki bat hori hy... aur sab dostoN ne jis jazby aur lagan se is muqably maiN hissa liya wo qabil-e-staish hy...
__________________  Last edited by WanderingThoughts; 10-23-2006 at 07:42 AM. |
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| raaye, shumaari, baraaye, muqabalae, nazam, goi, oct, 2006 |
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raaye shumaari baraaye muqabala-e- nazam goi Oct 2006 
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