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RulesThis is a discussion on raaye shumaari baraaye muqabala-e- ghazal goi November 2006 within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; ASLAAM O ALEKUM, Saathiyo, is maah jo muqaabala-e-ghazal goyi ke liye misra diya gaya tha woh tha Mohtaram Khalid Shareef ...
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#1
11-26-2006, 05:55 AM
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ASLAAM O ALEKUM, Saathiyo, is maah jo muqaabala-e-ghazal goyi ke liye misra diya gaya tha woh tha Mohtaram Khalid Shareef saahib ka yeh mash.hoor misra...... "ik shakhs saarey shehar ko weeraan kar gaya" is par hamaarey bahot qaabil doston ne apni bahot khoobsurat kaawishaat shaamil ki,jin ko par kar waaqayi bahot lutf aaya,.......aor ab waqt aa gaya hai ke un tamaam ghazliyaat ko judges ke saamaney paish kiya jaaye,ta ke wo in ghazlon par apni raaye ka izhaar kar sakain, judges main is baar jo naam shaamil hain,woh darj zail hain... Moin (aik lamha), Faizan ( WanderingThoughts), Ankboot, Mehroo Marking ka tareeqa kaar wohi rahe ga,yeni ke.... andaaz-e-bayaan,alfaaz ka chunao........6 marks wazn/behar......4 marks total marks........10 ab tamaam judges se yeh darkhaast ki jaati hai ke PLEASE aayain,aor tamaam sho.ra ke kalaam ko parhain,aor un par apni bahot qeemati aara ka izhaar karain,ta ke is maah ke is muqaabaley ko sameta ja sakey, yahaan yeh bhi batata chaloon ke yeh thread 30/11/2006 ko close kar di jaaye gi,is liye tamaam judges se darkhaaast hai ke wo is date se pehley pehley evaluation ke amal ko poora kar lain,ta ke 1st dec ko fateh ka aelaan kiya ja sakey, Note: judges ke ilawa is thread maiN aur koi post nahiN kar sakta, basoorat-e-deegar post delete kar di jayegi aap ki tawajah aor ta.aawun ka bahot shukriya, jo kaawishaat is maah muqaabala main shaamil ki gayeen,wo darj zail hain,..... 1) Zain  2) luckylibra  3) saahir  4) Pehli``Barish  5) kanwal Hussain  6) asif shahzad 
__________________  Last edited by kanch ki mehroo; 11-27-2006 at 05:13 PM.                 |
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#2
11-30-2006, 06:17 AM
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Is bar bhi ghazal contest maiN bohat achi ghazalaiN parhny ko miliN, aur ye dekh kr bohat khushi hui k HG pr bohat acaha likhny waly maujud haiN, jin se na'ay likhny waloN ko bohat kuch seekhny ko mil sakta hy… ntaij kuch yuN haiN… 1. Sab se pehli entery hy Zain bhai ki… to jnaab aap ki janib se achi kawish parhny ko mili… kuch misry to bohat khoob kahy aap ne, maslan: ”khanjer ba-dast kon tha mauj-e-saba k sath…, ya phir: “aisa frakh-dil tha k mujh ko dikha k phool… lekin ap k akser sheroN maiN wo besakhtagi dekhny ko nahi mili jo k achy sher ka khaasa hoti hy… misroN ki bunat ka moamly maiN bhi kuch kami mehsoos hui… ap ki ghazal ko mily andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 3.5 marks wazn / behar = 4 marks Total Marks = 7.5 - - - - - - - - - - 2. dosri entery hy LuckyLibra ki… Asad bhai aap ki janib se bhi aik achi aur taweel kawish parhny ko mili… jin hastioN ka zikr aap ne kiya, un ka zikr to jin alfaaz maiN bhi kiya ja’ay wo maqbool hota hy… so mery khyaal maiN aisy sheroN ko points dena durust nahi…. Lehaza yahaN ap ki ghazal ko jo points milaiN gy wo (Hamd, Naat, ya Ishq-e-Hussain waly sheroN k elawa) baqi sheroN pr hoN gy… khyaalat bohat achy haiN… andaaz bhi khoob hy lekin aik bat jo aap k sheroN ko parh kr mehsoos hoi, wo ye thi k akser sheroN maiN aap ne alfaaz ka ista’mal beja kiya hy, yani jahaN kam alfaaz se kam chalta hy wahaN ziada alfaaz ko istamal krna sheri husn tbah krny k mutradif hota hy… missal k tor pr aap ka aakhri sher: “wo apni sari yadeN, apny khawb de gya, yuN asad k jeeny ka wo saman kr gya…” ab is sher maiN “wo” aap ne donoN misroN maiN istamal kiya hy, jab-k ager aik bar bhi istamal hota to apna matlab wazeh kr deta… us k bad lafz “apny” aur “apni” ki baja’ay ager ye lafz aik bar istamal hota to bhi sher ka matlab wazeh ho jata… ager is sher ko yuN kaheN to kesa lagy ga: wo apni sari yadeN, sabhi khawb de gya aur yuN asad k jeeny ka saman kr gya…” to kuch behter lagy ga… dosri ahm bat k wazn ki aur behar ki kami shidat se mehsoos hui… bra’ay mehr’bani is pr tawaju deN… aap bohat achi ghazal keh sakty haiN… ap ki ghazal ko mily andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 3 marks wazn / behar = 2 marks Total Marks = 5 - - - - - - - - - - 3. tesri entery hy Sahir bhai ki… to jnaab Ali bhai aap ki ghazal bhi bila shuba aik umda ghazal hy… andaaz-e-bayan bohat khoob hy aur alfaaz ka chunaoo aur un ka istamal bhi bohat acha hy… aur kiya khoob girah lagai hy misra-e-trah ko… lekin aik do bateN arz krna chahuN ga… matla ko ager ghor se parha ja’ay to malum hota hy k pehly misry maiN hi aap ne bat ko khol diya hy… yani is sher maiN aap jo batana chahty thy wo aap ne pehly misry maiN hi byan kr dia, to dosry misry ki zururat hi nahi rehti… halaN’k sher kehty waqt khyal rakha jata hy k pehly misry maiN bat ka ishara diya ja’ay aur dosry maiN us bat ko khola ja’ay, ya ap keh leN k pehla misra parh kr qari k zehn maiN sawal uthy, aur dosra misra us ka jawab ho... lekin ap ki ghazal k matla k pehly misry maiN hi sari bat khul jati hy… jis se dosry misry k ehmiat nahi rehti… aur ap janty haiN k matla hi se ghazal ka andaaza hota hy… dosri bat ye k ghazal k dosry sher maiN bat mukamal tor pr wazeh nahi ho saki yani kuch abhaam reh gya… mushkil bohat tha terk-e-taluq ka merhala lekin wo mery kaam ko aasan kr gya… yahaN ye to wazeh hota hy k wo shakhs aap ka kam aasan kr gya… mager kesy??? Is bat ka ishara is sher maiN kahiN nahi milta… ap ki ghazal ko mily andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 4.5 marks wazn / behar = 4 marks Total Marks = 8.5 - - - - - - - - - - 4. chothi entey hy Pehli barish ki…. Bohat achi kawish aap ki janib se bhi parhny ko mili… andaaz-e-bayaN bohat khoob hy… alfaaz ka istamal bhi acha hy… kuch mukamat pr wazn ki kami mehsoos hui… misra-e-trah ko aap ne bohat hi khoob girah lagai… ye kam waqai bohat mushkil hota hy… majmoi tor pr aap ki ghazal bohat achi hy… ap ki ghazal ko mily andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 4 marks wazn / behar = 3 marks Total Marks = 7 - - - - - - - - - - 5. entery hy Kanwal Hussain ki… Kanwal Sahiba aap ne bhi aik achi ghazal kahi… alfaaz ka chunao bohat khoob hy… andaaz-e-bayaN bhi bohat acha hy… aur misroN maiN besakhtgi bhi maujud hy… lekin kuch misroN maiN wazn ki kami mehsoos hui… aur kuch misroN ki bunat maiN wo perfection nazer nahi aai jo is waqt ap ki shairi maiN honi chahi’ay… ap ki ghazal ko mily andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 3.5 marks wazn / behar = 3 marks Total Marks = 6.5 - - - - - - - - - - 6. entery hy Asif Shahzad ki… to jnaab Asif bhai aap ki ghazal bhi bohat khoob rahi… alfaaz ka chunao aur in ka acha istamal kiya aap ne… lekin matla ka dusra misra jis qadar berjesta aur rawaN hy us eitbar se pehla misra us ma’yar ka nahi hy… girah-band sher k pehly misry maiN lafz “yuN” ko hata bhi dya ja’ay to sher ka matlab wazeh ho jata hy, mehsoos hota hy k sher ka wazn pora krny k li’ay is lafz ka izafa kya gya… maqta k donoN misroN maiN aik hi bat ko dohraya gya hy… jo k beja malum hota hy… lekin majmoi tor pr ye aik umda ghazal hy… ap ki ghazal ko mily andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 4 marks wazn / behar = 4 marks Total Marks = 8
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#3
11-30-2006, 05:53 PM
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sorry ... kafi late ho gaye hum...humara net dagha day gaya tha...wagarna hum to sab likh chukay thay...  Zain: bohat achay...bohat khubsoorat ghazal kahi aapne...behar ke to yaqeenan 4 marks pooray hi apke huwe... ghazal bhi humaiN bohat achi lagi...andaz-e-bayaaN ... alfaz ka chunao... bhi khoob raha... 4.5 ... to total huwe 4+4.5 = 8.5. lucky libra: Hussain(RA) ban ke aa gaya jo ishq dosto naizay pe bhi talawat-e-Quraan kar gaya bhaeee wahhh.... ghazal ka khayal to bohat acha hai...kuch ashar to bohat hi ziada khubsoorat haiN...magar....aksa r ash'ar behar say kharij haiN... aur ghazal behar ke hawalay say tawajja talab hai... behar ke apko miltay haiN 2 marks... andaz-e-bayaN aur alfaz ke chunao ke liye apko miltay haiN...4.... total marks...2+4 = 6 Sahir: bohat khooob... apki ghazal bhi yaqeenan bohat khoob rahi...behar ke to apke huwe pooray 4... andaz-e-bayaN...aur alfaz ka chunao bhi dilkash raha...so iske liye ... 4.5.... total.... 4+4.5 = 8.5 Pehli barish: apki ghazal bhi khubsoorat rahi....lutf aaya parh kar...magar 1 2 misroN maiN mujhe behar ke hawalay say kami mehsoos huwi...behar ke 3 marks....andaz-e-bayaN waghaira ke apko miltay haiN....3.5 total..... 3+3.5 = 6.5 Kanwal Hussain: wahhh..bohat achi ghazal kahi Kanwal apne...behar ke 3.5... andaz-e-bayaN bhi khoob raha... iske liye apko miltay haiN....4.5... total.... 3.5+4.5 = 8 Asif Shehzad: Asif apki ghazal bhi khubsoorat rahi...parh ke lutf aaya...behar ke to pooray 4 marks... andaz-e-bayaN aur alfaz ke chunao liye apko miltay haiN...4... total...... 4+4 = 8 hum aap sab sho'ra ke shukar guzar haiN ke apne apni khubsoorat ghazliyat ke sath muqablay maiN hisa liya.... umeed hai aainda bhi muqabloN ki ronaq barhatay rahaiN gay... all da v best @};- khush rahiye
__________________  . . . Mere dil.. Mere musaafir..! Last edited by kanch ki mehroo; 12-01-2006 at 04:58 PM. |
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raaye shumaari baraaye muqabala-e- ghazal goi November 2006 
