It seems that you are unregistered. Please register with us by clicking Here, or if you are already registered login here
It seems that you are unregistered. Please register with us by clicking Here, or if you are already registered login here
Welcome to Urdu Community & Poetry/Shayari Forum
Home
Blogs
Books
Games
Photos
Albums
Video
Import
Invite
Tags
Survey
Awards
Tutorials
RulesThis is a discussion on Ra'ay Shumari bra'y Muqabla-e-Nazm goi *EID Special* (Sep. 07) within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; As-salam-o-alaikum Dosto! is bar muqabla-e-nazm goi ke liye unwan tajweez kiya gya tha: EID hmaiN bohat khushi hy k is ...
| |||||||
| Poetry | Video | Photo | Books | Games | Sites | Register | Groups | FAQ | Calendar | Mark Forums Read | Chat [12] |
| Notices | |||||||||||
|
 |
| | Thread Tools |
|
#1
09-23-2007, 07:38 AM
| |||||
| |||||
As-salam-o-alaikum Dosto! is bar muqabla-e-nazm goi ke liye unwan tajweez kiya gya tha: EID hmaiN bohat khushi hy k is bar bhi hmaiN bohat si khubsurat nazmeN paRhny ko miliN... hum un tamam members ke shukar guzar haiN jinhoN ne muqablay maiN shirkat ki aur apni khubsooorat tahareer hum sab ke sath share keeN... jaisa ke aap ko ilm hai ke muqablay ke nataaij ka ailaan judges ke mushtarka faislay par mabni hoga...Judges say guzarish hai ke woh 30th September 2007 tak is thread maiN apne faislay say hmaiN aagah karaiN... judges har nazam ko 1-10 tak marks daiNgay.. aur aakhir maiN tamaam judges ke diye gaye marks ka aust kar ke hatmi nataaij ka ailaan kia jayega... judges panel meiN shamil members k naam darj-e-zail haiN: (Irshad Qamar, Sohail Malik, Sahir, Zain, Kanch ki Mehroo, Mehtab & WanderingThoughts) Evalutaion ka criteria yeh hai Andaz-e-beyan (5 marks) (rawani, alfaz ka ista'amal, takhayyul) mozu se insaf (5 marks) total marks = 10 muqablay maiN shamil nazmaiN yeh haiN: 1- ali4everfriend  ==================== 2 - sifi_tanhai  ==================== 3 - rameesa WAFA_E_DOSTI KAY NAAM Socha tha is eid pay kia nazar karon haan bohat socha tha kay nazar sar_e_bazar kisi cheez pay thaherty na thi dil kisi bhi tuhfay ko tarjman_e_dosti manta hi na tha bunday, haar, gluband juta,suit, keemti perfume sab ki pukar thi " ay dardmand" tughay maloom hai" hamara maqsoom"? ay jan _e _wafa teray chara ger nay teray maseehay dilber nay to dostian perkhnay ki waqt_ e _wasal dagh_e_mufarqat anait kernay ki kuch aadat si bana li hai ay jaan_e _sitam gar seemi ger nay chahton ki reet say dosti badalna apnay naam wadeeat kar li hai shaid yeh tera tufa_e_eid bhi ik nigah_e_ghalat pay qurban ho kay ban jay teray liay judaee_e_ musalsal ki waeed bhi ya phir kisi aur chahat kay naam ban jay payam_e_saeed bhi so sun kay asheiaybazar ki duhaee main tahi haath, tahi pehlo bazar say nikal aye phir fiker_e_andaisha hay wafa nay bana kay alamat_e_tuheed_e_do sti_o_pakeezgi phol safaid bhaij dia teray hazoor main ==================== 4 - faridnawaz rind ko piine kii, pilvaane kii Eid vaa’ezoN ko va’az farmaane ki Eid suu-e-Kaaba sheKh ko jaane ki Eid najd meN laila ke divaane ki Eid Eidgaah ek kuucha-e-dildaar hai aashiqoN kii Eid vasl-e-yaar hai…. ==================== 5 - ][V][aadi  ==================== 6 - silent_wishes EID mehekti hai fiza khushboo se jab bhi eid aati hai muhabbat ke naye armaaN , naya ek rang laati hai badan pe peerhan khush rang , sajay sab lauG hotay haiN ke dil sarshaar hota hai sabhi ka aik jazbay se galay miltay haiN sab apnoN se hum kitni muhabbat se yeh ulfat kaash ke baara maheenay dil maiN rakhay hum koi ghareeb ho miskeeN bhalay nadaar ho jitnaa woh apni eid ki khushyooN pe samjota nahi kerta watan se door ho apna koi tho yaad kertay haiN usay mehsoos kertay haiN ke jesay paas ho apnay koi bichrra hova jab hum ko iss din yaad aata hai tho uss ki yaad maiN aankhoN se phir aaNsu chalaktay hai bohot si dooriyaaN mit-thi haiN apni eid ke din pe bohot se doost miltay haiN bohot hee door se aa ker manatay haiN jisay har um'R ke logoN se mil ke hum Khuda ki dain hai deta hai ek aisy khushi hum ko ==================== 7 - dua_e_sehar lo ab k bars phir se eid ayi hai jane yeh aapne sang kya lai hai................. ? khushioon ki barat ya gamoon ki soghat lai hai kuch yadain beete lamhoon ki kuch baatain guzre logoon ki ya kuch rishte naye layi hai kya khaber yeh eid kya kar jaye gi.......? bichre huwoon ko milaye gi ya mundmil hote zakhmoon ko phir se hara kar jaye gi ae kassh yeh eid kuch tu naya kar jaye dukhte diloon k dard ka kuch tu madawa kar jaye veeran sehnoon ko yeh phir es abad kar jaye meri dua hai ya rub yeh eid sab kadortoon aur nafratoon ko khatum kar k muhabbaton ki faza amer kar jaye ==================== 8 - Shehr-e-Wafa  ==================== 9 - Kanwal Hussain  ==================== 10 - zeneya  ==================== 11 - Tauqir Is Eid par Wo meray sath nahi Magar wo, uski yadain uski batain Sab mujay yad hayn Us nay b mujay yad kia hoga Phir meray khayalon myn kho'ay huay Tasawur k kisi lamhay myn Dheeray say kaha ho ga Eid mubarak ==================== Note: ap sab se guzarish hy k Judges k elawa koi is thread meiN post na kry, judges k elawa koi bhi post delete kr di ja'ay gi.
__________________ ------------------------------------------------- Bedil libaas-e-zeest bohat deeda-zeb tha aur ham ne is libaas ko ulTa pehan liya... (Bedil Haidri)                 |
|
#2
09-25-2007, 04:49 AM
| |||||
| |||||
Azeezan-e-bazm Assalam o alaekum is muqabila-e-nazm goi maiN bhi logoN ki pehlay ki terah achi hazri aur dilchaspi rehi. sab shuera nay khub mehnet say likha laikin majburi yeh hay keh yahaN mujhay marking ka fareezah anjaam daina hay jis ki wajah say kuch ko dosroN say behter bataana peRay ga...... so jin ko marking maiN kami nazer aye woh meri nalaeqi kay ilaawah yeh bhi zarur sochaiN keh woh apnay kalam maiN kahaN behteri paida ker saktay haiN. to aatay haiN marking ki teraf andaz-e-bayan + mozu say insaaf 1. Ali 2+2=4 2. sifi 2.5 + 2 = 4.5 3. rameesa 2.5 + 2 = 4.5 4. Farid 4 + 4 = 8 5. Maadi 2 + 2 + 4 6. Silent wishes 4 + 4.5 = 8.5 7. Dua-e-sehr 2.5 + 2.5 = 5 8. Shehr-e-wafa 4 + 2 = 6 9. Kanwal 4 + 3 = 7 10. Zenya 3 + 3.5 = 6.5 11. Touqir 2 + 2 = 4 ager meray say marking maiN kuch kotahi hui ho to umeed hay keh deeger judges us ka azala ker laiN gay. khair andesh Sohail Malik
__________________ Sohail Malik Last edited by sohailmalik64; 09-25-2007 at 04:53 AM. |
|
#3
09-28-2007, 12:28 PM
| |||||
| |||||
andaz-e-bayan + mozu say insaaf 1. Ali = 3+1= 4 2. sifi= 3+1= 4 3. rameesa =3+1=4 4. Farid= 4+4=8 5. Maadi= 3+1=4 6. Silent wishes =4+3=7 7. Dua-e-sehr= 3+1=4 8. Shehr-e-wafa =4+3.5= 7.5 9. Kanwal =5 + 3 = 8 10. Zenya =3 + 2.5= 5.5 11. Touqir =3 + 1= 4 |
|
#4
09-30-2007, 04:12 PM
| |||||
| |||||
is martaba kafi naye likhnay waloN ko muqablay maiN daikh kar bohat acha laga... 1.gif ")1") 1: Ali Ali apne muqablay maiN shirkat ki... acha laga... apki koshish bohat umda rahi... go takneeki hawaloN say abhi nazm maiN khamiyaN haiN... magar musalsal mashq say yeh masla hal ho sakta hai... so.. likhtay rahiye.. 2+2.1=4.1 2: sifi_tanhai ghaliban pehli martaba apka kalam nazar say guzra.. achi koshish rahi aapki... rawani ki kami thi nazm maiN... is taraf bhi tawajja dijiye.. aur likhtay rahiye.. 2.3+2=4.3 3: Rameesa apki koshish achi rahi... magar abhi khayalat na pukhta haiN... rawani ki bhi kami mehsoos hui... likhti rahiye... 2+2=4 4: Faridnawaz achi koshish rahi apki... magar abhi khayalat ko nikharnay ki zaroorat hai... likhtay rahiye.. 2.5+3=5.5 5: Maadi achay khayalat haiN apke... rawani ki janib bhi tawajja dijiye... mashq jari rakhiye.. 2+2=4 6: Silent wishes Ihsan... apki nazm bohat umda rahi.. bas aik aadhi jaga rawani tooti...wagarna tamam nazm bohat achi hai... 4+4.2=8.2 7: dua-e-sehar dua apki nazm ka khayal acha hai... rawani ki kami mehsoos hui mujhe... mashq jari rakhiye.. 2+2.5=4.5 8: shehr-e-wafa wohi aik pal...mere gumshuda.. bohat hi dilkash nazm hai Mizo... bohat acha laga parh kar... so dad qubool karo.. 4.2+4=8.2 9: Kanwal Hussain kanwal...bohat hi umda nazm rahi tumhari... dil ko chooti hui... bohat si dad hazir hai.. 3.8+4.5=8.3 10: Zeneya Zaini... nazm ka khayal acha hai.. magar abhi mazeed nikharnay ki zaroorat hai.. rawani ki bhi kami mehsoos hui mujhe... mashq jari rakho.. 2.5+3=5.2 11: Tauqir achi nazm kahi aapne tauqir.. umda khayal hai... likhtay rahiye... 2+2=4 aap tamam sathiyoN ki shirkat ka behad shukriya... khush rahiye
__________________ Signature Removed - Image exceeds 650 px by 350 px |
|
#5
10-01-2007, 07:32 AM
| |||||
| |||||
1- ali4everfriend Ali bhai aap ne EID k mozu pr achi nazm pesh ki, mager is nazm k majmoi taasur meiN kuch kami si rahi, aik bat grammer ki kuch mistakes k hawaly se kahuN ga, k nazm likhty waqt jis andaaz meiN aik bar aap kisi ko mukhatib kr leN, pori nazm meiN usi andaaz ko follow kiya kreN, jesy aap ne likha "ham tum meiN kahiN kho ja'aiN", aur aagy chal kr aap ne likha "phir khawb meiN saNwaruN tery rang janaN". pehly aap ne khud ko "ham" likha, phir "saNwaruN".. jabkay yahaN "saNwareN" ana chahiay tha... isi trha "tum" aur "teri" ka faraq hy jo is nazm meiN mehsoos hua, baqi rawani k hawaly se bhi kami ka ehsaas hua aur nazm meiN aik markazi khyaal ki kami bhi mehsoos hui... mager aap ne jis lagan se is contest meiN his'sa liya wo qaab-e-staish hy, ager yahi jazba aainda bhi aap meiN raha to yaqeenan aap ki tehreeroN meiN bohat behtri dekhny ko mily gi... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 2.5 mozu se insaf = 2.5 total marks = 5 ------------------------------------------------------ 2 - sifi_tanhai Safwan bhai aap ne "Eid ka Sog" k unwan k tehat aik achi kawish pesh ki, waqaei nazm meiN aik sog ki si kayfiat shuru se aakhir tak berqaraar rahi... acha likha aap ne, alfaaz ka istamal khoob kiya, aur takhayul bhi khoob raha, mager rawani meiN abhi kafi behteri ki gunjaish hy, ager aap twaju deN to kuch waqt meiN hi is kami ko pora kr sakty haiN... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 3 mozu se insaf = 3 total marks = 6 ------------------------------------------------------ 3 - rameesa Rameesa sahiba aap ki nazm khyaal aur andaaz-e-bayaaN k hawaly se kamaal rahi, go k aap wazn aur flow ko maintain nahi kr sakiN mager jis andaaz meiN ap ne khyaaloN ko khyaaloN se aur alfaaz ko alfaz se joRa, wo qaabi-e-tehseen hy, is nazm se aik bat ka andaza hua k aap k pa alfaaz ka bohat zakheera mojud hy, bas ab zuroorat is bat ki hy k is khazany ko behter aur munasib andaaz meiN istaamal kiya ja'ay, taakay aap k zehn-o-dil se nikalny wali takhleeq her lehaaz se mukamal ho saky,,, ager ap koshish kreN to aasani se is kami ko dur kr sakti haiN... shart lagan aur tawaju ki hy../ aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 3.5 mozu se insaf = 3.5 total marks = 7 ------------------------------------------------------ 4 - faridnawaz Farid bhai aap ne bhi aik choti si kawish Eid k hawaly se pesh ki, acha andaaz hy apka bhi... kuch qadeem touch liay hu'ay hy ap ki ye nazm... because "rind", "waa'iz", "Sheikh" waghaira ka tazkara in dinoN is qadar aam nahi raha... ap ki nazm meiN aik bat mehsoos hui k rind, waa'iz aur shaikh ka to aapas meiN rabt lagta hy k ye aik typical si bat hy, mager in logoN k sath "laila k deewany" ka zikr kuch ajeeb sa laga... andaz-e-bayaN, rawani, alfaaz ka istamal sab khoob raha... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 3.5 mozu se insaf = 4 total marks = 7.5 ------------------------------------------------------ 5 - ][V][aadi Aadi bhai ap ne bhi Eid k hawaly se aik achi kawish pesh ki, aazad nazm likhny ki koshish achi rahi, mager abhi rawani aur wazn k hawaly se kaafi tawaju ki zuroorat hy, aur nazm ko overall dekah ja'ay to is meiN bunyadi khyaal ki kami mehsoos hui... jo k nazm ki pehchaan hota hy... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 3 mozu se insaf = 3 total marks = 6 ------------------------------------------------------ 6 - silent_wishes Ihsan bhai aap ki taraf se bhi Eid pr aik umda nazm paRhny ko mili, aur ye dekh kr khushi hui k aap ne paband nazm kahi, bohat achy andaaz meiN ap ne Eid ki khushioN aur sa'aatoN ko bayaN kiya, kahiN kahiN wazn meiN masla nazer aya, mager overall aik achi kawish rahi... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 4 mozu se insaf = 4 total marks = 8 ------------------------------------------------------ 7 - dua_e_sehar dua_e_sehar aap ne apny id ki munasibat se Eid pr aik dua'iya nazm pesh ki jo k bohat achi kawish hy... khyalaat meiN tasalsul hy, alfaaz ka acha istamal hy, mager ap ki nazm meiN bhi bar bar rawani ki kami ka ehsaas hua jis ne acha asar nahi choRa, go k nazm ka khyaal bohat umda hy, mager kuch mazeed mehnat kr k is nazm ko is se achy andaaz meiN kaha ja sakta tha... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 3.5 mozu se insaf = 3.5 total marks = 7 ------------------------------------------------------ 8 - Shehr-e-Wafa Gul Sahiba aap ne qadry mukhtasir nazm pesh ki Eid k hawaly se, mager is mukhtasir si nazm meiN jaa'my andaaz meiN khyalaat ko bayaN kr dia, bohat achi kawish rahi... is bat ki bhi khushi hy k aap ne paband nazm kahi, in dinoN aazad nazm ki taraf ziada rujhaan dkehny ko milta hy, is waqt paband nazm kehna goya is qadeem tarz ko zinda rakhny wali bat hy... so is lehaz se bhi ap ki kawish khoob rahi... mager is sari nazm meiN aik do bateN mehoos huiN, mujhy is nazm ka aaghaz is qadar jandar nahi laga, kuch tashnagi si mehsoos hui, dusra ye k aik misra aisa tha jis ne nazm k overall impression ko kuch kamzoor krny ki koshish ki: "mujhy le le apny hisaar meiN", jis mey'yar pr aap ki nazm chal rahi thi, yahaN pohanch kr aik dam se nazm ka scale kuch down hota mehsoos hua, k aap is misry ko is se kahiN behter andaaz meiN kehny ki salahiat rakhti haiN... baqi rawani, alfaz k istamal , takhayul her hawaly se nazm khoob rahi... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 4 mozu se insaf = 5 total marks = 9 ------------------------------------------------------ 9 - Kanwal Hussain Kanwal Sahiba ap ki janib se kuch taweel nazm paRhny ko mili, khoob likhti haiN ap bhi... nazm k aaghaz se ikhtitaam tak aik khaas ehsaas ko sath le kr chalna, aur wo bhi taweel nazm meiN, qadry mushkil hota hy, kahiN na kahiN nazm markazi khyal se dur ho jati hy.. mager aap ki nazm meiN ye bat khususan mehsoos hui k nazm shuru se aakir tak aik hi rang meiN rangi rahi... andaaz-e-bayaN, rawani, takhayul her lehaz se nazm khoob rahi... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 4.5 mozu se insaf = 5 total marks = 9.5 ------------------------------------------------------ 10 - zeneya Zeneya Sahiba ap ne bhi bohat achy andaaz meiN Eid ki khushioN pr nazm kahi... choty choty misroN meiN sab bateN krna bhi mushkil hota hy, ap ne achy andaaz meiN ye mushkil kam kiya, sada sa lehja, aur alfaaz ka behter istamal is nazm meiN dekhny ko mila.. mager baz muqamaat pr rawani ki aur wazn ki kami mehsoos hui... jis ne is nazm ka impression kuch kam kr diya... ager aap kuch koshish mazeed krtiN to shayad ye kami bhi dur ho jati... overall aik achi kawish rahi... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 4 mozu se insaf = 4 total marks = 8 ------------------------------------------------------ 11 - Tauqir Tauqir bhai ap ki kawish bhi khoob rahi, choti si nazm meiN ap ne apny jzbaat ka izhar kiya, nazm meiN rawani ki kami ka ehsaas ziada hua, ap ki nazm meiN sadgi ka anser ziada numayaN raha, ager is saadgi meiN rawani shamil hoti to is nazm ki shakl kahiN behter hoti... so mera mashwara hy k aap rawani ko improve krny ki koshish kreN... baqi, andaaz-e-bayaaN k hawaly se bhi behtri ki gunjaish nikalti hy... aap ko milty haiN: Andaz-e-beyan = 3 mozu se insaf = 2.5 total marks = 5.5 ------------------------------------------------------ Last edited by WanderingThoughts; 10-01-2007 at 09:40 AM. Reason: some typing mistakes |
|
#6
10-01-2007, 09:03 PM
| |||||
| |||||
aap tamam judges ka behad shukriya.. khush rahiye HG Administration. |
Ra'ay Shumari bra'y Muqabla-e-Nazm goi *EID Special* (Sep. 07) 
