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RulesThis is a discussion on M'ray saray khat jala do, mere sab nishaN mita do within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; M'ray saray khat jala do, mere sab nishaN mitaa do Meri chaah to bhula di, m'ra naam tak bhulaa do ...
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#1
07-05-2008, 07:12 PM
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M'ray saray khat jala do, mere sab nishaN mitaa do Meri chaah to bhula di, m'ra naam tak bhulaa do t'ri aur manzilaiN haiN, m'ri aur manzilaiN haiN kabhi mil nahi sakengaiN, abhi haath to milaa do t're laakh chahnay walay, tujh pe fida hazaroN tum apne dil ka gulshan kisi aur se sajaado tuje maiN ne dil se chaaha to ye meri ik khata ti yunhi thorr ker m'raa dil m'ray jurm ki sazaa do shab-e-hijr gungunaalo, kisi meethi dhun maiN gaalo jisay sunn ke ro parhay sab koi esaa geeT sunaa do abhi zindagi parhi hai, abhi haal kiya hai ban-naa tuje bhool maiN bhi jaaoN, muje bas yehi duaa do kisi din jo hokay tanhaa, tujay apna aap kosay m'ri yaad phiR jab aaye, muje dil maiN ik sadaa do abhi hal-e-dil na pocho, abhi zakhm sab haray haiN kabhi mil ke sab kahengaiN ihsan usay bataa do
__________________ Ihsan Elahi Last edited by silent_wishes; 07-05-2008 at 07:19 PM. Reason: changing fonts                  |
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#2
07-05-2008, 09:30 PM
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bohat achi hai, really i liked it alot.............. keep sharing aisi poetries, |
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#3
07-06-2008, 06:47 PM
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Quote:
bohot shukriya apka ap iss tarah hosla.afzayi karengi tu inshallah is se acha likh sakhenge khush rahiye |
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#4
07-06-2008, 07:11 PM
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Quote:
Ihsan bhai bohat hi achi koshish hay aap ki taraf se... 1.gif ")1") sheir kehty waqt ye behr jitna maza deti hay usi qadar isy control krna mushkil hota hay... mager ye dekh kr khushi hui k aap ne is meiN 8 sheir keh li'ay... him'mat ki baat hay... aur is ghazal se shairi ki taraf aap ki lagan ka andaza hota hay... umeed hay isi lagan se likhty raheN gy...sabhi sheiroN k thoughts bohat achy haiN.... bas kahiN kahiN kuch alfaaz ka istamal un k taasur ko kamzor kr raha hay... maiN fardan fardan sab sheroN pr ra'ye deta huN:
__________________ ------------------------------------------------- Bedil libaas-e-zeest bohat deeda-zeb tha aur ham ne is libaas ko ulTa pehan liya... (Bedil Haidri) |
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#5
07-06-2008, 07:45 PM
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M'ray saray khat jala do, mere sab nishaN mitaa do Meri chaah to bhula di, m'ra naam tak bhulaa do usooli tor pr dusry misry meiN "tak" ki jaga "bhee" hona chahiay... yaani k meri chaah to bhula dee hay ab mera naam bhi bhula do... ---------------------- t'ri aur manzilaiN haiN, m'ri aur manzilaiN haiN kabhi mil nahi sakengaiN, abhi haath to milaa do yar aik mashwara hay, ager pehla misra aisy paRho to: t'ri aur manzilaiN haiN, m'ry aur raasty haiN... mera khyal hay manzileN do bar use krny ki baja'ye aik bar use krna chahiay... ---------------------- t're laakh chahnay walay, tujh pe fida hazaroN tum apne dil ka gulshan kisi aur se sajaado yahaN aap ne lafz "chahny" ko sahi wazn pr use nai kiya.... sahi wazn pehly sheir k dusry misry meiN use hua hay... ghor kro zara, "chaaah" se "chaaahny" ho ga, alif ko kheinch kr paRha jata hay, na k giraya jata hay... aur pehly misry k hi dusry hi'sy (tujh pe fida hazaroN) k shuru meiN aik rukan kam lag raha hay, dobara ghor kr lena.. ---------------------- tuje maiN ne dil se chaaha to ye meri ik khata ti yunhi thorr ker m'raa dil m'ray jurm ki sazaa do yahaN "ik" ki jaga "hi" hona chahiay... yaani: tuje maiN ne dil se chaaha to ye meri hi khata ti ---------------------- shab-e-hijr gungunaalo, kisi meethi dhun maiN gaalo jisay sunn ke ro parhay sab koi esaa geeT sunaa do[/center] khayal se qata-nazer, sirf wazn k hawaly se dusry misry meiN "geet suna do" pr wazn kharab ho raha hay... is sheir ki aik surat aisi ban sakti hay: shab-e-hijr gungunaalo, koi meetha sur laga lo, jisay sunn ke ro parhay sab kisi aisi dhun maiN gaalo ---------------------- abhi zindagi parhi hai, abhi haal kiya hai ban-naa tuje bhool maiN bhi jaaoN, muje bas yehi duaa do yar mera khyal hay pehly misry k dusry his'sy "abhi haal kiya hai ban-naa" ko "abhi haal kya bany ga" hona chahiay... mozuN yahi hay, paRhny meiN bhi aur sun'ny meiN bhi... aur dusry misry k pehly his'sy "tuje bhool maiN bhi jaaoN" ko bhi kuch tabdeel hona chahiay... ya to isy aisy likho: tuje bhool jaaoN maiN bhi", ya phir "tujhy dil se bhool jaaoN" ---------------------- kisi din jo hokay tanhaa, tujay apna aap kosay m'ri yaad phiR jab aaye, muje dil maiN ik sadaa do ye sheir acha hay... youNhi khoob hay , sirf "meiN" ko "se" se badal kr dekh lo...---------------------- abhi hal-e-dil na pocho, abhi zakhm sab haray haiN kabhi mil ke sab kahengaiN ihsan usay bataa do yar is sheir meiN aap ka takhalus fit nai ho rha... bas is ko thek kr lo , baqi sheir kamaal hay... ---------------------- ye chand bateN mujhy nazer aaeiN, ho sakta hay k baqi dostoN ki ra'ye mujh se mukhtalif ho, mager i hope k in batoN se aap ko apny sheiroN ko different angle se dekhny ka moqa milay ga.... likhty raheN, aur khoob likhty raheN... Allah Taala aap ko mazeed taufeeq ata kary... khush raheN aabad raheN.... |
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#6
07-06-2008, 09:32 PM
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Ihsan bhai.Assalamo alaikum. khushi ki baat hai k mohtaram faizan sb ne aap ke kalam ko itni sanjeedgi se liya aur apni aara se nawaza.Un k kahne k baad kuchh kahne ki gunjaaish to nahi rahti.phir bhi qaraeen ki dilchaspi k liye kuchh kahna chahon ga. t'ri aur manzilaiN haiN, m'ri aur manzilaiN haiN kabhi mil nahi sakengaiN, abhi haath to milaa do is sher me mila do istemaal kiya hai. muhawre k lihaz se hath to mila lo hona chahiye tha. Pahle misre me teri istemaal hua hai jab k radeef do hai, radeef k lihaz se teri ki bajaye tumhari manzilen hona chahiye tha. kabhi mil nahi saken ge..ye tukRa faseeh nahi hai. phir aik misre me manzilen do baar aa raha hai.Is se zor to paida hota hai lekin doosre misre me bhi utna hi zor hona chahiye. ab is mafhoom ko thora badal kar yun bhi kah sakte hain. jo bichaR rahe ho ham se, to ye kaisi berukhi hai idhar ik nazar to dekho,zara hath to hila do isi tarah aur ashaar bhi ho sakte hain. Aap apni mashq jari rakhiye. Beinteha nek khaheshat aur mubarkbaden. Hasan Bhati |
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M'ray saray khat jala do, mere sab nishaN mita do 
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