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Jayen Kahan

This is a discussion on Jayen Kahan within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; **Ek Sawal hay mera** Kiya mery Auqat hay malik? k poochoon main Sawal Gar tu mujh ko rook de .. ...


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  #1  
Old 04-06-2008, 11:51 PM
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**Ek Sawal hay mera**

Kiya mery Auqat hay malik? k poochoon main Sawal
Gar tu mujh ko rook de .. Main see rahoon ga apnay lub
Misl-e-parwana jaloon ga .... Per na boloon ga main tab
Per meray malik ....!!! Jahannum se bhi pehlay kion jaloon??
Gar dimagh-o-Dil hain razi
kion na phir keh k taloon?
Har ja zalim phir rahay hain tery nagri main yahan
Koi chara hi nahi mazloom ka jayen Kahan???

Zeest k hangam main martay hoay pistay hoay
Behra-e-neelam main ye ja ba ja biktay hoay
Aabla pa chal rahay hain
Tery rehmat hay kahan??
Koi chara hi nahi mazloom ka jayen kahan???

Dard-o-Gham ki dhoop hay .... Chalay hain paon main KHUDA
Door tak manzil nahi in kehkashaon main KHUDA
Tarsay hoay bemar hain Rehnay ko chaon main KHUDA
Kiya asar bilkul nahi in ki Duaoon main KHUDA??

Sun le malik!!! hum ghareeboon ki zara si iltija
Tu hamari aas hay ..
Tu hi hamara aasraa
Num hain aankhain ... Chaak dil ... Phatnay ko hay aatish fishan
Koi chara hi nahi mazloom ka jayen kahan???
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  #2  
Old 04-07-2008, 12:46 AM
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Default Re: Jayen Kahan
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v nice................ ............
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  #3  
Old 04-07-2008, 05:56 PM
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wahhhh... bohat umda nazm kahi aapne... dad qubool kijiye..

1 2 misroN maiN mujhe rawani ki kami mehsoos hui.. nishan dahi kiye daiti hooN;

Behra-e-neelam main ye ja ba ja biktay hoay

Tarsay hoay bemar hain Rehnay ko chaon main Khuda

ho sakta hai k meri hi ghalti ho... behr haal... nazm bohat khoob kahi aapne..

khush rahiye
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  #4  
Old 04-08-2008, 02:51 PM
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cute mary will become famous soon enoughcute mary will become famous soon enough
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bohat khoob janab bohat achi poetry hai aapki
apna khayal rakhyega
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  #5  
Old 04-08-2008, 03:21 PM
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zabardast janab buhut aala
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  #6  
Old 04-09-2008, 10:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kanch ki mehroo View Post


wahhhh... bohat umda nazm kahi aapne... dad qubool kijiye..

1 2 misroN maiN mujhe rawani ki kami mehsoos hui.. nishan dahi kiye daiti hooN;

Behra-e-neelam main ye ja ba ja biktay hoay

Tarsay hoay bemar hain Rehnay ko chaon main Khuda

ho sakta hai k meri hi ghalti ho... behr haal... nazm bohat khoob kahi aapne..

khush rahiye
SHukriya Mehro ji. asal main ye abhi poori hi nahi thi aur mera tasalsul toot gaya tha kisi waja se. Soocha tha k aap se help loon ga. lekin phir socha k chaloo post ker deta hoon mehro khud hi kuch na kuch nishan-dahi ker den gi, aur wo hi hoa. lekin mehro ji aap kam az kam bata tu den k is ki rawani kaisay theek keroon?? koi hul tu bata dain. i m waiting.
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  #7  
Old 04-09-2008, 01:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aik-Dukh View Post
SHukriya Mehro ji. asal main ye abhi poori hi nahi thi aur mera tasalsul toot gaya tha kisi waja se. Soocha tha k aap se help loon ga. lekin phir socha k chaloo post ker deta hoon mehro khud hi kuch na kuch nishan-dahi ker den gi, aur wo hi hoa. lekin mehro ji aap kam az kam bata tu den k is ki rawani kaisay theek keroon?? koi hul tu bata dain. i m waiting.
itni umda nazm ko adhoora chor daina bilkul munasib nahiN.. isay zaroor mukammal kijiye.. aik bar phir dad qubool kijiye..

misroN maiN alfaz k thoray say hair phair say rawani bahaal ho sakti hai.. jaisa k aapka misra tha;

Zeest k hangam main martay hoay pistay hoay
Behra-e-neelam main ye ja ba ja biktay hoay

aap is misray maiN "yeh" ko yooN hi" say replace kar daiN.. meri naqis raye k mutabiq aisay misra behtar m'aloom hota hai.. y'eni;

Zeest k hangam main martay hoay pistay hoay
Behra-e-neelam main yooN hi ja ba ja biktay hoay

doosra misra hai;

Dard-o-Gham ki dhoop hay .... Chalay hain paon main KHUDA
Door tak manzil nahi in kehkashaon main KHUDA
Tarsay hoay bemar hain Rehnay ko chaon main KHUDA

is misray ko aisay change kia ja sakta hai..

Dard-o-Gham ki dhoop hay .... Chalay hain paon main KHUDA
Door tak manzil nahi in kehkashaon main KHUDA
do ghaRi sasta naiN saktay haiN chaon main KHUDA

ya aisa hi kuch aur.. to ziada munasib hoga..

khush rahiye
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  #8  
Old 04-09-2008, 08:36 PM
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Ok main kooshish keron ga k jald se jald is ko poori ker k aap se approve kerwa k Post keroon. aap ki batain main ne note ker li hain. Shukriya.
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