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Jana'n

This is a discussion on Jana'n within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; Originally Posted by GhazaL-E-Jana Tum jo har roz yun khwabon men chale ate ho Zulm acha hay magar is kadar ...


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  #11  
Old 06-02-2006, 03:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GhazaL-E-Jana
Tum jo har roz yun khwabon men chale ate ho
Zulm acha hay magar is kadar nahen jana地

Hukum tera tha k hum bhool kar jian tujh ko
Saaf keh dete ab ye shairi nahen jana地




Bht hi umda in 2 Lines ka tu jawab hi nhi

Mehtab Bhai bht c daad qabooL karain
Thanx jii app logon ki appreciation ne hi kuch kuch sikhaya hay
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  #12  
Old 06-02-2006, 06:50 PM
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bohat achi kawish hai bachay @};-...bohat khoob...

chalo ab kuch islaahi bat bhi hojaye, is nazam maiN qaafiye ki kami hai, apki ghazal ka Radeef hai "nahiN janaN", Radeef say bilkul pehlay aanay wala lafz hota hai qaafiya, aap daikho ke pehlay shair maiN aapne kia qaafiya iste'maal kia :

Gar in hathon ki lakeron men tu nahen jana地

is tarha say apki ghazal ke pehlay shair ka qaadiya hai TU, ab baaqi tamam ashar ke misra-e-sani maiN aapko TU ke hi hum awaz alfaz ko qawafi banana chahiye, jaisay ke "su, bu, chu" waghaira. misal ke taur par yeh daikhiye

Gar in hathon ki lakeron men tu nahen jana地
jahaN maiN rang, baharoN maiN bu nahiN janaN

in tamam ramooz ko madd-e-nazar rakhtay huwe is ghazal ko phir say kehnay ki koshish karna.... @};-
khush raho
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  #13  
Old 06-02-2006, 11:01 PM
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bohat achi kawish hai bachay @};-...bohat khoob...

chalo ab kuch islaahi bat bhi hojaye, is nazam maiN qaafiye ki kami hai, apki ghazal ka Radeef hai "nahiN janaN", Radeef say bilkul pehlay aanay wala lafz hota hai qaafiya, aap daikho ke pehlay shair maiN aapne kia qaafiya iste'maal kia :

Gar in hathon ki lakeron men tu nahen jana地

is tarha say apki ghazal ke pehlay shair ka qaadiya hai TU, ab baaqi tamam ashar ke misra-e-sani maiN aapko TU ke hi hum awaz alfaz ko qawafi banana chahiye, jaisay ke "su, bu, chu" waghaira. misal ke taur par yeh daikhiye

Gar in hathon ki lakeron men tu nahen jana地
jahaN maiN rang, baharoN maiN bu nahiN janaN

in tamam ramooz ko madd-e-nazar rakhtay huwe is ghazal ko phir say kehnay ki koshish karna.... @};-
khush raho

Buhat Buhat Shukriya appi. Yehi men chahta tha k koi mujhe meri ghaltiyan batay. Thanx a lot of u. Ise bhi durust karne ki koshish karon ga aur ainda bhi khayal Rakhon ga
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  #14  
Old 06-03-2006, 02:11 AM
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stunning ...
bohat khoob bhai ....
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  #15  
Old 06-03-2006, 02:39 AM
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Hi
Salam
Bahut Khoobsurat
" Apni haaton ki lakero main bassa ley mujh ko
main hoo tera to naseeb apna bana ley mujh ko"
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  #16  
Old 06-03-2006, 01:15 PM
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Tum jo har roz yun khwabon men chale ate ho
Zulm acha hay magar is kadar nahen jana地


really nice
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  #17  
Old 06-03-2006, 04:55 PM
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Achii Ghazal Kahii Aap Ney=d>
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  #18  
Old 06-03-2006, 04:59 PM
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buhat khub
kush raho dear Ameen
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Sukh Da Koi Saa Na Avey...?
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  #19  
Old 06-03-2006, 05:56 PM
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buhat khub...........
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