Urdu Poetry Forum

Mehtaab saaHib aapkaa be_Had shukria k aapne Ghazal ko na sirf pasand farmaayaa bal k apnii dada o taHseen ba-ham pahoNchaaii...

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Khayaal hogaa, junuun hogaa, bahot abhii dil kaa Khoon hogaa
bahaar hai door kii Haqeeqat, bahaar rang-e-chaman nahiiN hai


Ali Z. Usmani [mere vaalid marHoom]

aatish-e-gul se lapakte haiN hawaaoN meN sharaar
soorat-e-sho'la gulistaaN se hawaa guzregii

wah bohat hi khooooooooob boaht hi umda hai

achha laga parh kar

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bohat khoob Hashmat Sahab! lutf aa gya ghazal parh kr...
bohat achy andaaz maiN khyaloN ko alfaaz ka roop diya hy ap ne...
majmoi tor pr aik khoobsurat ghazal kehny pr meri janib se bohat si daad hazir hy, wasool kiji'ay...

bas aik do bateN jin pr mera dimagh at'ka, ap se arz krna chahuN ga...

Quote:

1. phir bahaar aayii hai, gulshan se sabaa guzre gii jaane dil-vaaloN pe is daur meN kia guzre gii!

dusry misry maiN lafz daur se yaqeenan aap ki muraad bahaar ka arsa ho ga... mager lafz daur se pehla khyaal jo zehn maiN aata hy wo is "rawaN zamaany" ka hy... so i think ye lafz yahaN fit nahi ho raha... jab k pehla misra is bat ka taqaza krta hy k yahaN "ab ki bar" ya "is bar" se milta julta kuch lagaya ja'ay...

Quote:

2. le uRii hai yeh bahaaroN kaa junooN_Khez payaam unke kooche se bhii ho kar yeh sabaa guzre gii

is sher maiN lafz ye do bar aa raha hy, in do maiN se aik be'ja hy... sher ka husn muta'sir hota hy...

Quote:

3. noor se hoNge dar_o_baam-e-tasavvur raushan jab mire zehn se yaadoN kii ziyaa guzre gii

bohat acha sher hy jnaab... dar_o_baam-e-tasavvur pr bohat si daad aik bar phir hazir hy...

Quote:

4. subHa_dam nik'hat-e-gul laayegii paiGhaam-e-visaal gul_'azaaroN kii nigaahoN se Hayaa guzregii

is sher maiN aik lafz hy "gul_'azaaroN", is ki samajh nahi aa rahi, plz explain kr deN...

Quote:

5. aatish-e-gul se lapakte haiN hawaaoN meN sharaar soorat-e-sho'la gulistaaN se hawaa guzregii

is sher k pehly misry maiN mujhy kuch confusion hy, mera khyaal hy k "lapakny ka lafz to sho'ly se masub hota hy... (sho'lay ki lapak..), dusri taraf "sharaar" to phoot'ty hiaN, yaubherty haiN....

is sher maiN sirf yahi confusion hy, shayad meri kam-ilmi ki waja se, mehr'bani ferma kr wazakat kr deN...

Quote:

6. jhuk ke qadmoN meN gire jaate haiN gul-posh shajar sahn-e-gulshan se vo rangeen adaa guzregii!

aur is sher pr bhi bohat si daad hazir hy, bohat acha sher kaha hy jnab...



aik bar phir bohat bohat shukriya ham se aik khubsurat ghazal share ka,
Allah Mola ap ko bohat ziadaa ata kary....
khush raheN, aabad raheN...

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aapkaa bahot bahot sgukria Naila saaHiba k aapne merii adnaa sii kaavish ko is darja saraahaa aur apne ta'assurata bhii ba-ham pahoNchaaye. aapkii Hausalah-afzaaii mere liye mash'il-e-raah hai. ek baar phir shukria

zarra-navaazii ke liye mamnoon huuN janaab e 'aalii...aapkii Hausalah-afzaaii mere liye msh'il-e-raah hai. ek baar phir shukria.

zaroor janaab...kiuN nahiiN? gul ke saath Khaar bhi hameN 'azeez haiN

ji haaN...aapne saHeeH samjhaa hai magar maiN 'arz karnaa chaahuuNgaa k yeh ta'assur aapko kiuN kar huaa kiuN k "daur" to koii bhii ho saktaa hai [maazii, Haal yaa mustaqbil]...pahle misr'e meN baat zood-mustaqbil [immediate future] kii ho rahii hai aur usii kii munaasiibat se duusre misr'e meN bhii usii "daur" kii baat hob rahii hai. donoN hii misr'e seGha-e-mustaqbil se paivast yaa munsalik haiN. Ghaaliban, aapko dusre misr'e ke lafz "IS" se yeh iHtimaal laaHiq huaa hai...aapkaa is nukta e nazar se baat munaasib lagtii hai...yes...is baat kaa iHtimaal vaarid ho rahaa hai liHaaza maiN lafz-e-"IS" ko "US" se mutaabaadil kiye detaa huuN taa k she'r saaf ho jaaye. shukria.

phir bahaar aayii hai, gulshan se sabaa guzregii
jaane dil-vaaloN pe US daur meN kia guzregii!

merii apnii nazar-e-kotooh yeh kahtii hai k ek lafz kaa ek hii she'r meN ek se zaayid baar musta'mil honaa har Haal meN she'r ke naaqis hone ke mutaraadif nahiiN ba-sharte k us muta'addid iste'maal kaa koii fanni javaaz nikaltaa ho. ...ustaad sho'araa~ ke kalaam meN jaa ba jaa aise iste'maal nazar se guzarte haiN. to is nukte kii roo se aapkaa ai'teraaz saHeeH bhii hai aur nahiiN bhii.

le uRii hai yeh bahaaroN kaa junooN_Khez payaam
unke kooche se bhii ho kar yeh sabaa guzregii

baalaa mazkoorah she'r ke misr'a e oolaa meN lafz "yeh" payaam kii nishaan-dehii kartaa hai jab k misra'a-e-saaniya meN sabaa kii taraf ishaara kartaa hai...ya'nii ek mushaar hai to duusra mushaar-un-ilaih hai. vaise agar aap ba-zid hoN to amiN isko badal duuNgaa...aakHir shaa'iri duusroN ke liye bhii kii jaatii hai...unkii pasand aur naa-pasand kaa Khayaal rakhnaa paRtaa hai Theek?

shukria janaab, navaazish, karam

gul-azaar = phool jaise ruKhsaaroN waalaa/waalii ba-ma'nii Khoobsoorat

aji nahiiN qibla...kam 'ilmii kaise ho saktii hai...ham aapko to saaHib e 'ilm kii saf meN sab se aage dekh rahe haiN masha Allah.

aatish-e-gul se lapakte haiN hawaaoN meN sharaar
soorat-e-sho'la gulistaaN se hawaa guzregii

is she'r ko kahte huye mere zehn meN ek sho'lasaa jo lapaktaa huaa nazar aayaa thaa us meN se mujhe sharaar bhi jhaRte nazar aaye. kia aapne kabhii nahiiN dekhaa aisa manzar? lapak kii apnii Hudood hotii ahiN magar yeh chingaariiyaaN hii hotii haiN jise hawaa le uRtii hai aur basa auqaat yeh bhii dekha agayaa hai k yehii sharar kisi khalyaan yaa ghaas phoos ke gharoN par paR jaaye to use nazar-e-aatish kar detaa hai aur nateejatan jalaa kar raakh kar detii hai. Allah hameN aise sharaar se bachaaye...aameen [-<

ek baar phir se aapkaa shukria k aapko she'r pasand aayaa goyaa meri meHnat kaa samar aap se mil gayaa...bahooooot meeThaa hai ... yummy in my tummy!!!!!

Quote:

aik bar phir bohat bohat shukriya ham se aik khubsurat ghazal share ka,

aapkii pasandeedgii ke liye ham ek baar phir se aapkaa teh-e-dil se shukria adaa karte haiN aur saath hii saath aapkii nek du'aaoN ke liye mamnoon bhii haiN...Allah aapko bhi dunyaa jahaan kii jaaiz KhushiyaaN 'ataa farmaaye jo aapke Haq meN behtar hoN...aameen. [-<

Hashmat bhai bohat achhay

mashaAllah matla aur maqta khasusan bohat jandaar hain

regards
sohail

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