Urdu Poetry Forum

**WanderingThoughts** · #11 07-11-2006, 11:57 AM

Zanjeer ban ke paaoN se lipTii he yeh zameen
Aor sar pe aasmaan he rakht e safar meraa.

wah... acha sher hy....

**Tahir** · #12 07-11-2006, 12:04 PM

very nice................ ..@};-

**Ashraf Naqvi** · #13 07-13-2006, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zain

ASLAM O ALEKUM Ashraf bhahi,

Ik dil he, aik jaan he rakht e safar meraa

Mayraa yeh kul jahaan he rakht e safar meraa.

bahot khoobsurat sher hai,daad qabool kijiye,

Zanjeer ban ke paaoN se lipTii he yeh zameen

Aor us pe aasmaan he rakht e safar meraa.

pehla misra bahot khoobsurat hai,lekin doosare misre main rakht e safar aap ne kin ma.anon main liya hai is ki zara wazaahat kar dain PLEASE.

Daryaa o dasht ab meray a,adaa,a ki saf maiN haiN

Goyaa ik imtehaan he rakht e safar meraa.

bahot khoobsurat sher kaha hai aap ne,dheron daad is sher ki nazar,
AankhoN se is cheraagh ka kuchh aisa rabt he
Manzil ka ik nishaan he rakht e safar meraa.

yeh sher parne main to bahot khoobsurat hai,lekin is ke pehle misre main IS CHIRAAGH ka mafhoom waaziya naheen,aor doosare misre ke muani samajhne se qaasir raha hoon(shaid kam aqqali ki bina par) ke rakht e safar , manzil ka nishaan kese ho sakta hai?PLEASE is ki thori se wazaahat kar dijiye ga,shaaid aap ke samjhaane se baat samajh main aa jaaye,

Rakkhay huay he aaj bhi apnay HiSaar maiN

Mairay liyay amaan he rakht e safar meraa.

yahaan bhi RAKHT-E-SAFAR ko aap ne kin muani main istamaal kiya hai,samajhne se qaasir hoon,aor aap se is ki wazaahat ki darkhwaast karta hoon,umeed hai mayoos naheen karain ge,

Ashraf yaqeeN banaakay liyay phir rahaa hooN saath

Kiaa dilnasheeN gumaan he rakht e safar meraa.

is sher ka doosara misra bahot khoobsurat hai,aor daad ka haqdaar hai,so dheron daad qabool kijiye,is khoobsurat misre ki takhleeq par,
lekin pehl misra apni naaqas ul aqqali ki bina par samajhne se qaasir raha hoon,PLEASE is ka mafhoom bhi bata dijiye ga,

Ashraf bhahi chaahata to baaqi logon ki tarah main bhi wah wah kar ke nikal jaata,lekin......... main bakhoobi jaanta hoon ke aap MASHA ALLAH bahot achhe shaair hain,aor na sirf asraar o ramooz ko jaante hain,balke khayaal aor adaaigi par bahot mazboot garifft bhi rakhte hain,.....so jo baatain mujhe samajh naheen aayain,main ne bila jhajak aap se poochh leen,is yaqeen ke saath ke aap meri baaton ka bura naheen maanain ge,aor doosara aap se yaqeenan kuchh na kuchh seekhne ko mile ga,
phir bhi agar mera koyi harf,koyi baat aap ki dil aazaari ka baais bane to us ke liye ma.azarat khwa hoon,aor sharmsaar hoon,aor is soorat main yeh yaqeen rakhta hoon ke aek bhahi doosare bhahi ko muaaf karne main der naheen kare ga,
bahot khush rahiye,aor likhte rahiye ke bahot achha likhte hain

zain bhai! Mujhay bohat hi achha lagaa k aap ne mairi is ghazal ko tanqeedi nazar se dekha. Is se sabit hua k aap na sirf achhay sha,er hain, balke aap ka tanqeedi sha,uoor bhi bohat gehra he. MaiN khaas taor par aap ka mamnoon hooN k aap Mairi takhliqaat ko gehri nazar se daikhtay haiN, sarsari nazar se naheeN. JahaaN tak is ghazal ke ash,aar ka ta,alluq he mujhay khud bhi in ki khamioN ka e,atraaf he.
Waisay mairay nuqta e nazar se '' Doosray misr,e maiN "Aasmaan he rakht e safar meraa" se murad Naqaabil e bardaasht bojh he, jo kisi insaan ko har haal maiN uthaana hota he.Isi tarha ''AankhoN se is cheraagh ka kuchh aisa rabt he'' ki wazaahat mairay khayaal maiN doosray misr,e maiN maojood he" Manzil ka ik nishaan he rakht e safr meraa" Mairay liay manzil ka nishaan aik cheragh ki manind he aor mairi aankh manzil par lagi hui he aor aor manzil par pohanchnay ki lagan ko hi maiN nay rakht e safar banaaya hua he. Bhai! agar aap ghaor karaiN to mairay khayaal maiN har she,ar maiN pehlay misr,e ki wazaahat doosray misr,e maiN maojood he. Bahar haal yeh mair apna nuqta e nazar he. Aap ka is se ittifaaq zaroori naheeN. Zahir he k yeh aik insan ka kalaam he, khuda ka kalaam naheeN k jo khamioN se pak ho. har insani kawish main kaheeN na kaheeN khami zaroor reh jati he.
MaiN bhi insaan hooN is liay apni khamioN ka mujhay barmalaa e,atraf he. Waise bhi maiN ne kabhi bhi baRa shaa,er honay ka da,awaa naheeN kia. MaiN to abhi khud ko shaa,ery ka tifl e maktab hi samajhta hooN.
Aap ka aik baar phir mamnoon hooN k aap nay mairi is ghazal par tafseeli raay di. bohat bohat shukria. Khush rehiay, haNstay muskuratay rehiay. Allah aap ka haami o Naasir ho. (Aameen)

**Ashraf Naqvi** · #14 07-13-2006, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tahir

very nice................ ..@};-

Tahir Sahib! Thanks

**Ashraf Naqvi** · #15 07-13-2006, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kanch ki mehroo

bohat hi khooob Ashraf bhai....bohat haseeen ghazal kahi is bar bhi... @};-

khush rahiye

Mehroo jee aap ka bohat bohat shukria k aap ne is ghazal ko bhi achhi ghazal qaraar dia he. aap ke husn e nazar ka shukria.@};-

**zain** · #16 07-14-2006, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ashraf Naqvi

zain bhai! Mujhay bohat hi achha lagaa k aap ne mairi is ghazal ko tanqeedi nazar se dekha. Is se sabit hua k aap na sirf achhay sha,er hain, balke aap ka tanqeedi sha,uoor bhi bohat gehra he. MaiN khaas taor par aap ka mamnoon hooN k aap Mairi takhliqaat ko gehri nazar se daikhtay haiN, sarsari nazar se naheeN. JahaaN tak is ghazal ke ash,aar ka ta,alluq he mujhay khud bhi in ki khamioN ka e,atraaf he.
Waisay mairay nuqta e nazar se '' Doosray misr,e maiN "Aasmaan he rakht e safar meraa" se murad Naqaabil e bardaasht bojh he, jo kisi insaan ko har haal maiN uthaana hota he.Isi tarha ''AankhoN se is cheraagh ka kuchh aisa rabt he'' ki wazaahat mairay khayaal maiN doosray misr,e maiN maojood he" Manzil ka ik nishaan he rakht e safr meraa" Mairay liay manzil ka nishaan aik cheragh ki manind he aor mairi aankh manzil par lagi hui he aor aor manzil par pohanchnay ki lagan ko hi maiN nay rakht e safar banaaya hua he. Bhai! agar aap ghaor karaiN to mairay khayaal maiN har she,ar maiN pehlay misr,e ki wazaahat doosray misr,e maiN maojood he. Bahar haal yeh mair apna nuqta e nazar he. Aap ka is se ittifaaq zaroori naheeN. Zahir he k yeh aik insan ka kalaam he, khuda ka kalaam naheeN k jo khamioN se pak ho. har insani kawish main kaheeN na kaheeN khami zaroor reh jati he.
MaiN bhi insaan hooN is liay apni khamioN ka mujhay barmalaa e,atraf he. Waise bhi maiN ne kabhi bhi baRa shaa,er honay ka da,awaa naheeN kia. MaiN to abhi khud ko shaa,ery ka tifl e maktab hi samajhta hooN.
Aap ka aik baar phir mamnoon hooN k aap nay mairi is ghazal par tafseeli raay di. bohat bohat shukria. Khush rehiay, haNstay muskuratay rehiay. Allah aap ka haami o Naasir ho. (Aameen)

Ashraf bhahi main jaanta hoon ke aap MASHA ALLAH bahot achha lakhte hain,aor ramooz-o-aoqaaf se bhi gehri waaqfiyat rakhte hain,issi liye jahaan jahaan mujhe is main kuchh khaami nazar aayi,main ne nishaandahi karna apna farz samjha,khushi is baat ki hai ke aap ne meri baaton ka bura naheen maana,
yeh baat aap ne bilkul theek kahi ke koyi bhi insaan khaamiyon se khaali naheen,issi liye main chaahata hoon ke ham aek doosare ki khaamiyon ki nishaandahi karain,ta ke un khaamiyoon ko door kiya jaa sake,
bahot khush rahiye,aor likhte rahiye ke bahot achha likhte hain aap,