Urdu Poetry Forum

Mere lahad per wo khak ura ker chalay gay
mera pyar ka moqam gera ker chalay gay


jin k lian hum chahtay thay mahktay kanwal
wo khar meray ghar main gera ker chalay gay

jo raaz hum nay apnay dostoon ko na dya
wo meray doshmanoo ko bata ker chalay gay

kitnay sookon se unhoon nay khon-e-wafa kia
aur qatal kay sab nishan mita ker chalay gay

mahfil main loog sanwar ker aie
aur wo humain dard-e-ansoon main saja ker chalay gay

ghta badal bhi mera sath na day saki
aur hawa manzil kay sab nishan mitati rahi

is umed per k ab to kiran aie gi
sada mayoosi se khud ko main bachati rahi

mehwish afsar

Mehwish sahiba aadab!

aik achi kaavish hai, islah ke jazbe se chand tahafuzzat pesh karta houn , umeed hai aap ishi spirit mein samjhen gi:

1. aakhri do ashaar ghazal ki baaqi tarkeeb par nahin, shayad ghalti se yahan likhe gaye
2. pehle sher ka dosra misra meri nazar mein "mera" ki bajai "mere" se shuru ho to kaisa rahe ga?
3. dosre sher ke pehle misre mein kya aap "jin k liye" likhna chahti theen?
4. Is misre "aur qatal kay sab nishan mita ker chalay gay" ke wazan per zara nazre saani kar lijye ga, shayad jhol nazar aaey.
5. ghazal ka aik behad mufeed tutorial is forum mein nazar se guzra hai, aap chahen to us se istifada hasil kar sakti hain.

yaad rakhiye mutalia aur mashq mazeed nikhar laen ge Insha Allah.
Duago.
Zemir.

__________________
is dasht mein jal jal Zameer - e be asar ka Haal ab
DhooNDay waheeN per khak-e-dil, paaey jahaaN bhi rakh rakh

Assalam o alaikum...
Bohat bohat shukria kay aap nay apnay nayaab mashwroon se mere ghzal ko nawaza inshallah main aap ki batai hoi batoon ko made nazar rakhoon gi...
Duaoon main yaad rakhna ka shukria..
Shukria...
Mehwish afsar

Achi koshish hai. Nice. Kuch sher tou sach mein dil ko ja ker lage.