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Dil se jab dard gaya, dil bhi gaya, jaaN bhi gayi

This is a discussion on Dil se jab dard gaya, dil bhi gaya, jaaN bhi gayi within the Urdu Poet Club forums, part of the Urdu Poetry category; Originally Posted by WanderingThoughts As-salam-o-alaikum Sarabz bhai... wah jnab, bohat khoob.... aik aur bohat achi ghazal ap ne share ki ...


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  #11  
Old 09-28-2007, 07:10 PM
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Default Re: Dil se jab dard gaya, dil bhi gaya, jaaN bhi gayi
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Originally Posted by WanderingThoughts View Post
As-salam-o-alaikum Sarabz bhai...

wah jnab, bohat khoob.... aik aur bohat achi ghazal ap ne share ki ham se... bohat lutf mila paRh kr... khas kr is shair k to kya hi kehny haiN...

Na koi hijr raha aur na koi wasl raha
Shiddat-e-dard gayee, khwahish-e-darmaaN bhi gayee

baei bohat khoob, kya hasb-e-haal shair hy... kamaal hy ji... bohat aala... dhairoN daad itny achy shairoN pr...

ab zara aik shair k hawaly se kuch bateN jo mujhy khatkiN (ya jinhoN ne mujhy confuse kiya). Qeemat-e-ehd gai, wuq'at-e-paimaaN bhi gayee yahaN "ehd" aur "paimaN" k aik hi maani haiN, to isy do bar likhny ka jawaz nahi banta. kuch be-ja sa laga... isi shair k misra-e-oola meiN bhi "maani" aur "mafhoom" ka matlab aik hi hy... so yahaN bhi sha'ir qil'lat-e-alfaaz ka shikaar lagta hy...

majmooi tor pr aik umda gahzal kahi aap ne , so meri janib se aik bar phir dheroN daad qubool kreN, aur ager meri koi bat nagawar guzri ho to der-guzer kijiay ga...

Allah Mola aap ko shaad-o-aabad rakhy....
Faizan Bhai, ghazal ki pasandeedgi ka bohot bohot shukria...aap to itni ziada tareef kar dete hain ke sharminda hojata hoon. Aur ye aap ne kia kaha ke aap ki baat mujh ko nagawar guzregi....ye kabhi nahin hosakta janab bulke sachchi baat to ye hai ke mujhe intehai khushi hai ke aap ne itne ghour se ghazal ko parha aur apni qeemti aur pur khuloos raye se agaah kia.

Zer-e-nazar shair ke misra-e-oola main to khushi aur gham ka alaihda alaihda tazkira kia tha aur maqsad ye tha ke donon apne ma'ani kho chuke. Albatta takrar-e-lafzi se bachne ke liye ek jagha "mafhoom" ka lafz istemal kia. Misra-e-sani main waqai ma'nwi takrar hai. Qeemat-e-ehd ya wuq'at-e-paiman darhaqeeqat ek hi cheez hai. Bas yun samajh len ke ek hi baat ko do tarah se keh dia. Mujhe nahin pata ke musallama sheri usoolon ke hisaab se ye sahi hai ya nahin. Apna mouqif to main ne bayan kar dia. Ab aap please guide kijyega ke kia ye sahi hai ya nahin aur agar nahin to ise kaise behter banaya ja sakta hai.

Aap ki qeemti raye ka muntazir rahoonga. Aap ki khaas tawajju ka ek baar phir shukria.
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  #12  
Old 09-28-2007, 07:30 PM
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Talking Re: Dil se jab dard gaya, dil bhi gaya, jaaN bhi gayi
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Dil se jab dard gaya, dil bhi gaya, jaaN bhi gayee
Aur jeenay ki wo ek khwahish-e-nadaaN bhi gayee

Chashm-e-hairaaN maiN sajaa tera sarapaa bhi gaya
Aur tasawwur se teri zulf-e-pareshaaN bhi gayee

Na koi hijr raha aur na koi wasl raha
Shiddat-e-dard gayee, khwahish-e-darmaaN bhi gayee

Gham ke ma'ni rahe baqi na khushi ka mafhoom
Qeemat-e-ehd gai, wuq'at-e-paimaaN bhi gayee

Teri ummeed jo haaray to sabhi haar gaye
Quwwat-e-ishq ke saath azmat-e-insaaN bhi gayee
ghazal ka muzoo acha hee lakin aap nee ghazal ke sath kuch insaf nahi kiya
maslan shidat-e-dard gayee ki jaga shidat dard giya huna chahiye etha

ore
wuqat -e-paimaan bhi gaeyee nahi huta balkeh

wuqat-e-paiman bhi giya banta hee ok


and plz donot mind ok
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  #13  
Old 09-28-2007, 08:49 PM
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ghazal ka muzoo acha hee lakin aap nee ghazal ke sath kuch insaf nahi kiya
maslan shidat-e-dard gayee ki jaga shidat dard giya huna chahiye etha

ore
wuqat -e-paimaan bhi gaeyee nahi huta balkeh

wuqat-e-paiman bhi giya banta hee ok


and plz donot mind ok
Dost, mozoo ki tareef ka bohot shukria, main ne hargiz mind nahin kia bulke khushi hai ke aap ne apne taur per sincerely guide karne ki koshish ki. Meri danist main shiddat aur wuq'at donon moannas hain lehaza gaya ke bajae gayee use kia hai. Shayed aap is main confused hain ke shiddat aur dard alag alag lafz ke taur per treat hone chahyen aur isi tarah wuq'at aur paiman. Magar haqeeqat ye hai ke Shiddat-e-dard ka matlab hai dard ki shiddat aur Wuq'at-e-paiman ka matlab hai paiman ki wuqa't. Lehaza shiddat-e-dard ke saath shiddat ke hawale se moannas ka seegha ayega aur isi tarah wuq'at-e-paiman ke saath wuqa't ke hawale se moannas ka seegha ayega. Mumkin hai main ghalat hoon magar meri danist main jo sahi tha main ne usi tarah likha hai. Aap ki tawajju ka bohot shukria.
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  #14  
Old 09-29-2007, 04:30 PM
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Default Re: Dil se jab dard gaya, dil bhi gaya, jaaN bhi gayi
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Saraab Bhai, kia hi umda ghazal kahi aap ne is baar bhi

jeene ki woh ik khawhish e nadaan

Wah sahab...bohot hi umda
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  #15  
Old 09-29-2007, 08:46 PM
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Fakhir Bhai, bohot shukr guzaar hoon aap ki raye ke liye....nawazish hai aap ki
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  #16  
Old 09-30-2007, 11:24 PM
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very nice...............m ashallah
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  #17  
Old 10-02-2007, 12:43 AM
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very nice...............m ashallah
Thanx so much Yasmeen Sahiba....its so kind of u
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