Quote:
Originally Posted by yasmin ahmad  dil tera muntazar neigh hai to aur kia hai
mujeh tera intazar neigh hai to aur kia hai tetllie ke peroun pe kaus-o-kazah ke rang
kudarat ka shahkhar neigh hai to aur kia hai awaaz dee tujeh to tu uttah ker chalie gie
ab dil mera beazar neigh hai to aur kia hai tum saath ho meray to koi fekar neigh
khushi ye beashumar neigh hai to aur kia hai dorie ke bawajood bhi dil ko yakeen raha
ye tera eatabar neigh hai to aur kia hai Yasmin Yasi |
as-salam-o-alaikum Yasmin Sahiba!
bohat khoob, achi ghazal share ki hy aap ne, aap ki ghazal meiN khubsurat bat is radeeef ka intkhab hy, bohat acha radeef hy aur mujhtalif zavioN se is
pr likha ja sakta hy.... aur aap ki is ghazal meiN dusri khush aaeind bat ye hy k kuch sher bilkul wazn meiN haiN, yaani aap sahi rasty
pr gamzan haiN, is safar ko jari rakheN, aur her waqt kuch na kuch seekhti raheN....
aik do bateN aur bhi arz krna chahuN ga, pehly misry meiN aap ne lafz "muntazar" ghalat likha, isy "muntazar" nahi "muntazir" kehty haiN... dusra ye k ye lafz "intzaat" k ham-qaifa nahi hy, aaap khud ghor kreN, baqi qafioN
pr aur matla k qafia
pr... so i think aap ko matla
pr nazr-e-sani krna paRy gi...
dusry sher meiN aik lafz ghalat likha gya usy bhi thek kr leN, lafz "kaus-o-kazah" nahi hota, balkay kaus
-e-kazah hota hy.
overall ghazal paRh kr mujhy bohat acha laga, aap is se bhi behter likh sakti haiN, so behter se behtreen ki taraf safar jari rakheN, aur ham se sahre krti raheN, Allah Mola aap ko boaht ziadaa ata kary, khush raheN, aabad raheN....