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Old 07-07-2007, 09:18 AM
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Default Re: waadoun ko teray mein ne senay mein rakh lea

Quote:
Originally Posted by yasmin ahmad View Post
chahaat ko tarie mein ne senay mein rakh lea
wadoun ko teray mein ne senay mein rakh lea
ooas kay qataray jab phooloun pe aa gerray
phooloun ne uttha ke osay senay mein rakh lea
lava ubbal raha hai attiesh-feshaan kay ander
os aag ko zameen ne senay mein rakh lea
shamil hai tera payar meray dil mein is taragh
mottie ko jaisey seap ne senay mein rakh lea
guzray huway waqat ki her yaad ko mein ne
sab se chuppa ke mein ne senay mein rakh lea
ye moujjaza dekhanay ke lea kafi hai kisi ko
Quran ko bachaay ne senay mein rakh lea
Yasi ke senay mein ehssas bahara dil hai
duniya ke sab dukhoun ko senay mein rakh lea

Yasmin Yasi
as-salam-o-alaikum yasi Sahiba!

khoob ghazal share ki hy aap ne, bohat acha lag apaRh kr.... Quran wala sher khoob kaha aap ne....

shayad meiN ne pehly bhi zikr kiya tha k aap k sheroN ki khas bat ye hoti hy k akser meiN (sirf aik aadh lafiz ki kami beshi k elawa) qudarti tor pr wazn paya jata hy.... is meiN bhi yahi bat hy:

lava ubbal raha hai attiesh-feshaan kay ander
os aag ko zameen ne senay mein rakh lea

ager aap is ghazal ki radeef (seeny meiN rakh liya) k aakhir meiN aik lafz (hy) add kr leN to ye sher mukamal wazn meiN aa ja'ay ga...

lava ubbal raha hai attiesh-feshaan kay ander
os aag ko zameen ne senay mein rakh lea hy

isi trha kuch aur misroN meiN bhi yahi bat mehsoos ki maiN ne... to yahaN meiN zain bhai ki baat ko hi aagy baRhata hua kehna chahuN ga k aap ziada se ziada practice kreN aur Zain bhai ne jis thread ki bat ki hy us ko zuroor study kreN... inshaAllah aap k kalaam meiN mazeed nikhaar aur khubsurti paida ho gi...

aakhir meiN aik bat talafuz k hawaly se krna chahuN ga, sher kehny meiN alfaaz ka durust talafuz bohat ehmiat rakhta hy, neechy wlay sher ko wazn meiN paRheN to lafz "waqat" paRhny meiN aata hy, is lafz ka durust talafuz "waqt" hy...

guzray huway waqat ki her yaad ko mein ne
sab se chuppa ke mein ne senay mein rakh lea


majmoi tor pr aik achi ghazal kehny pr bohat si daad qubool kreN, Allah Mola aap ko bohat ziada ata kary, khush raheN, aabad raheN aur youNhi acha acha likhti aur ham se share krti raheN...
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aur ham ne is libaas ko ulTa pehan liya...

(Bedil Haidri)
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