 Re: raa'y shumari bra'y muqabla-e-nazm goi (June 07) | |
ASLAAM O ALEKUM,
lijiye ji main bhi haazir hoon,apni raaye,aor marking ke saath,1.gif ")1")
lekin is se pehley ke marking shuru karoon,munaasab samajhta hoon ke aap tamaam doston ka shukriya ada karoon,ke jin ki wasaatat se is qadar khoobsurat nazmain parney ko mileen,......yahaan yeh bhi yaad karana zaroori samjhta hoon ke in muqaabalon ka maqsad kissi ki haar ya jeet naheen,balke aek doosarey se kuchh seekhana,kuchh sikhaana hai,so..jo dost bhi jeete,ussey yeh naheen samajhna chaahiye ke ab ussey mazeed seekhaney ya mehnat karney ki zaroorat naheen rahi, .....aor jo dost kaamyaab na ho paayain,unko dil bardaashta naheen hona chaahiye,balke pehley se ziyaada mehnat karni chaahiye,ke kuchh bhi seekhaney ke liye mehnat pehli shart hai,
aor ab aatey hain marking aor raaye ki tarf...........
1,Manatiq
bahot achhi koshish rahi aap ki,lekin merey khayaal main abhi bahot si baaton ki tarf tawajah deney ki zaroorat hai,jesey ke.mozu ke saath insaaf,..khoobsurat alfaaz ka chunao,aor un ka behtar istamaal,aor khaas tor se wazn,yehni rawaani,......so mehnat jaari rakhiye,aor ustaad shaairon ko baghor pariye,INSHA ALLAH bahot behtari aaye gi,..merey khayaal main aap ki nazam ko jo marks miltey hain,woh darj zeil hain,.......
mozu se insaaf, = 3
andaaz-e-bayaan+rawaani,=3
total marks=6
2, Arabian Girl
aap ne bhi achhi koshish ki hai,aor aap ki shaairy main bahot behtari dekh raha hoon main,lekin abhi,alfaaz ke chunao,un ke munaasab istamaal,andaaz-e-bayaan main dilkashi,aor mozu ko samajhtey huye,mozu ke andar reh kar likhney ki koshish jesi baaton ki tarf tawajah deney ki zaroorat hai,so mehnat jaari rakhiye,aor ustaad shaairon ko baghor parti rahain,to INSHA ALLAH jald hi bahot achha likhney lage gi aap,
aap ki nazam ko miltey hain......3+3 = 6 marks
3, Rose4u,
aap ne bhi bahot achhi koshish ki,aap ki nazam is lehaaz se achhi hai ke aap ne mozu ko samajhtey huye likhney ki koshish ki,lekin khayaal ko behtar aor waazeya andaaz main paish karney,wazn,aor alfaaz ke chunao ki tarf tawajah deney ki zaroorat hai,
aap ki nazam ko miltey hain,...4+3= 7
4, Kanwal Hussain
aap ne bhi bahot khoobsurat nazam kahi,aor bahot achha laga aap ki nazam par ke,2/1 baatain jo main ne mehsoos ki,share kar deta hoon,......aap ki nazam yoon to bahot achhi hai,lekin chand aek maqaamaat par aap takhaatab main ikhtalaaf kar gayeen,jesey ke......aap ki nazam ka mozu hai,zindagi ae zindagi,..lekin nazam main aek jagah aap likhti hain,......sayaah dil waaley bhanwaron ne bahot de dard ho kar ,ZINDAGI ko rond daala hai,shagoofey Zindagi ke shabnami bosey ki hasrat le ke dil main,......aek aor baat jo main ne aap ki nazam main mehsoos ki,woh yeh hai ke aap ne ZINDAGI ko sirf aek rukh se,yehni sirf khushiyon ke andaaz main dekha hai,jabke ZINDAGI,dukh,aor khushi donon ka ahaata karti hai,(mera khayaal hai ke aap samajh rahi hongi ke main kaya kehna chaah raha hoon),
aap ki nazam ko merey khayaal main milney chaahiye...
3.5+4.5 = 8 marks
5,Sher-e-Wafa
aap ne bhi bahot khoobsurat nazam kahi,khoobsurat khayalaat se muzayyan yeh nazam bahot pasand aayi,mozu se bhi khoob insaaf kiya gaya hai,so aap se itna hi kahoon ga ke mehnat jaari rakhiye,ta ke agli nazam is se bhi ziyaada khoobsurat ho,
aap ki nazam ko merey khayaal main milney chaaiye,.....
mozu se insaaf, = 4
andaaz-e-bayaan+rawaani,=4.5
total marks...8.5
6, Tariq Raheel
aap ne bhi achhi koshish ki hai,lekin manzil paaney ke liye abhi bahot mehnat ki zaroorat hai,so mera aap ko yahi mashwara hai ke ustaad shaairon ko ziyaada se ziyaada parain,aor samajhney ki koshish karain,ke unhon ne kaya likha,aor kesey likha,to yaqeenan aap ke kalaam main bhi bahot nikhaar aaye ga,
aap ko miltey hain,.....2.5+2.5= 5
7,Sirra,
ghaalban pehli baar aap ko par raha hoon,bahot achha laga aap ki nazam par ke,yaqeenan aap main likhney ki bahot salaahit mojood hain,zaroorat hai us ko saamaney laaney ki,agar aap rawaani aor alfaaz ke intakhaab,aor un ke sahee moqa par istamaal ki tarf tawaja dein to aap ki tehrooron main bahot nikhaar aa jaaye ga,
meri nazar main aap ki naqzam ko miltey hain....3.5+3=6.5
8,Bailamos
aap ne bhi achhi nazam kahi,lekin nazam mozu se kaafi hat kar lagi mujhey,aor rawaani main bhi kami mehsoos huyi,alfaaz ke istamaal ke tarf bhi kuchh tawajah deney ki zaroorat hai,beharhaal mehnat kartey rahiye,INSHA ALLAH behtari aaye gi,
aap ki nazam ko miltey hain,...
mozu se insaaf,....3
andaaz-e-bayaan....3.5
total marks...........6.5
9,Hijjr
aap ne bhi paband nazam kehney ki aek achhi koshish ki hai,aor yahi is nazam ki khaas baat hai,jabke nazam main rawaani,alfaaz ka intakhaab,un ka munaasab istamaal,abhi mehnat talab hain,so mehnat kartey rahiye,INSHA ALLAH asraat jald zaahir honge,
aap ki nazam ko miltey hain....3+3=6 marks
aakhir main aek baar phir aap tamaam doston ki shamoliyat ke liye shukriya ada karta hoon,umeed hai ke aap tamaam dost aainda bhi apne khoobsurat kalaam se hamain mehzooz honey ka moqa inaayat farmaayain ge,
bahot khush rahiye,aabaad rahiye,
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