As-salam-o-alaikum Dosto! Ham bhi hazir haiN marking k sath…. Is bar bhi hmaiN “zindgi” k mozu pr bohat achi achi nazmeN paRhny ko miliN… meri raa’ay aur marking kuch youN hy: 1- manatiq Natiq bhai aap ki janib se hmaiN aik achi nazm paRhny ko mili, aap ki nazm ka musbat pehlu ye hy k is meiN aik nazm ki bunyadi khususiaat maujud haiN, yaani ibtida, dermian aur ikhtitaam… mager abhi kaei lehaz se nazm meiN behteri ki gunjaish hy, nazm meiN "mozu" k lehaaz se kami mehsoos hui, yaani zindgi se bat to kei gai hy, lekin bzat-e-khud zindgi k bary meiN kuch nahi btaya gya… abhi deger pehlo’oN pr mehnat ki zuroorat hy, jis meiN alfaaz ka chunao, aur un ka munasib ista’mal, sath hi sath misroN ki rawani shamil haiN… Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 3 Mozu se insaaf = 3 Total marks = 6 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
2- ArAbIaN gIrL Rabi sahiba aap ne bhi aik umda kawish pesh ki, khyalaat bohat achy haiN nazm meiN lekin aap ki nazm ko bhi ager unwaan k hawaly se dekha ja’ay to kuch kami mesoos hoti hy, deger pehlo’oN meiN rawani ka masla aham hy, aur alfaaz ka behter andaaz meiN istamal bhi abhi kuch kam hy aap ki nazm meiN.... Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 3 Mozu se insaaf = 3 Total marks = 6 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
3- Rose4U! Aap ki nazm paRh kr mehsoos hua k aap ne nazm pr kafi mehnat ki hy, so aap ki nazm bhi achi rahi, lekin abhi andaaz-e-bayaN meiN behteri ki gunja’ish hy... aap ne nazm meiN aik jaga tarkeeb istamal ki “dar-haqeeqat meiN”, jo k thek nahi hy, is ka durust istamal ya to “der haqeeqat” hota hy, ya phir “haqeeqat meiN”. Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 3.5 Mozu se insaaf = 3 Total marks = 6.5 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
4- kanwal Hussain KaNwal sahiba aap ki nazm bhi bohat umda rahi, pehli bar meiN bohat gehra taasur choRti hy ye nazm, k jesy is ki bunat-kaari esi ki gai ho k paRhny wala is k asar meiN aa ja’ay... mager ghor se paRhny pr is meiN kuch nuqaat nikalty haiN, so maiN un ki janib tawaju dilana chahuN ga, pehli bat andaaz-e-bayaN (takhatub) k hawaly se hy: aap ne likha “bta ay zindgi, tum kin saroN pr ab huma ban kr uterti ho” isi trha aagly kuch misroN ko bhi dekheN to ye ghalati nazer aati hy, ye nazm jis level ki hy, is level pr aa kr esi kotahi ki gunja’ish nahi rehti.... Dusri bat mozu se insaaf k hawaly se hy, k be-shak is nazm meiN bohat si bateN huiN, lekin nazm ko over-all dekha ja’ay to mozu k haawaly se kuch tashnagi si reti hy.... Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 4.5 Mozu se insaaf = 3.5 Total marks = 8 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
5- Shehr-e-Wafa Aap ki nazm bhi apni jaga bohat khubsurat rahi, dilkash lafzoN se saji, apny ander bohat se maani smaity ye nazm khoob rahi... takhayul, rawani, aur misroN meiN rabt... sab umda hy, lekin kahiN kahiN misroN meiN (shayad misry ka wazn pora krny k liay) zaa’id alfaaz istamal hu’ay... Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 4.5 Mozu se insaaf = 4 Total marks = 8.5 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
6- TariqRaheel Tariq bhai aap ki paighamaat se bhari ye nazm bhi khoob hy... lekin sirf mozu ko lafzi tor pr nazm me istamal krna hi kafi nahi hota, nazm k liay mozu aik markaz ka kaam krta hy, jis k gird nazm ghoomti hy... ap ki nazm meiN is bat ki kami nazer aaei... dusra ye k abhi alfaaz k chunao, un k munasib istamal aur misroN ki rawani meiN bhi improvement ki zuroorat hy.... Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 3 Mozu se insaaf = 2.5 Total marks = 5.5 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
7- sirra Sirra sahiba aap ki nazm paRh kr laga k aap maiN nazm kehny ka hosla aur salahiat maujud hy, sirf kuch tawaju aur lagan ki zuroorat hy.... aap ne alfaaz ko achy andaaz meiN istamal kiya hy, lekin misroN meiN rawani abhi kuch kam hy, aur nazm ko unwan k tehat dekha ja’ay to abhi kuch kami mehsoos ho rahi hy.... Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 3.5 Mozu se insaaf = 3 Total marks = 6.5 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
8- bailamos_ Umair bhai aap ki nazm bhi bohat achi hy, choty choty misroN meiN achy mazmon bandhy haiN aap ne... alfaaz ka chunao khoob hy, lekin in k munasib istamal meiN abhi kuch behteri ki gunjaish hy, rawani meiN bhi kuch kami nazer aaei, aur mozu k hawaly se bhi abhi ye nazm tashna hy.... Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 3.5 Mozu se insaaf = 3 Total marks = 6.5 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
9-HijjAr Ahmad bhai zindgi se gily shikwy krti ap ki nazm bhi achi rahi, aap ki nazm ki khaas bat ye lagi k aap ne paband nazm kehny ki koshish ki, aur us meiN kafi had tak kaamyab bhi rahy... mager abhi aap ki nazm ko rawani ka masla derpesh hy, aur sath hi mozu k lehaz se bhi behtri ki gunja’ish hy... Aap ki nazm ko marks milty haiN: Andaaz-e-bayaN = 3 Mozu se insaaf = 3 Total marks = 6 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
aakhir meiN aap sab dostoN ka aik bar phir bohat shukriya k aap ne is muqably meiN hissa liya aur hmaiN itna acha kalaam paRhny ko mila....
marks kam ya ziada hona itni aham bat nahi hoti,
baRi bat ye hy k aap ne participate kiya.
ham aap se aainda bhi isi jazby ki tawaqu rakhty haiN....
wish u all best of luck.