Salam,
Pehli baar app ka kalam parha, very nice.
koshish to bohat acchi hai, laikin kaheen kaheen zaban atak rahee hai agar wahan alfaaz ki tabdeela la kay rawan kar dein to bari behtreen nazm bun jaye gee.

Raza

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MujhKo Meray Afkaar kay Aainay mein dekho
Qirtaas kay Dhabbay meri pehchaan nahi hen
Sahir Faizabadi