Assalam-0-Alaikum;

Hum bhi apni marking k saath Hazir heiN aap ki khidmat meiN...

Sub se pehlay to saray dostoN ko mubarakbaad k unhoN nay iss muqablay meiN shirkat ki.. aur itni achi achi ghazleiN share keeN... .ab atay heiN fardan fardan marking ki taraf...

1. Faypal...

Afzal Sahab.. majmoo'i tour per aap ki ghazal buhat pasand ayee... kuch asha'ar se to aap k takhayul ki bulandi ka andaza hogaya... buhat achay khayalaat aap nay bandhay heiN.. buhat si daad qaboool kijiye,.... ab atay hein tafseelaat ki taraf...

ghazal k pehlay shair k pehlay misra meiN aik sangeen nasri ghalati payee jati hay... misra kuch youN hay... din dhalay pair ki shakhoN pe bhala ker deitay
alfaz k ista'mal k qawayed ki roo se... aap kisi pe bhala nahiN ker saktay ... kisi ka bhala ker saktay heiN ..... so agar misra youN hota... din dhalay pair ki shakhoN ka bhala ker deitay to buhat acha hota..

Teesray shair meiN pehlay misray meiN Usay ki jagah unheiN ista'mal kiya jata to aik aib se bacha ja sakta tha... kioN k doosray misray meiN aap deitay ista'amal ker rahay heiN...

paaNchwaaN sher mujhay buhat hi pasand aya... .laikin uss meiN doosray misray meiN thay ka ist'amal sahi nahiN hay...agar thay ista'amal kerna tha to misray k doosray hissay ya'ani saja ker deitay thay k saath kiya ja sakta hay qawayed ki roo se... agar misra kuch yoN hota

jab deitay wo koi cheez saja ker deitay....

to ye mushkil hal ho jati...

Maqta bhi buhat ala hay janab.. .zabardast.... laikin iss k donoN misray mukhtalif zamanoN k haiN.. ya'ani pehla misra zamana-i-maazi.. aur doosra zamana-i-haal se talluq rakhta hay ... agar pehlay misray meiN say hay ka lafz hazaf ker k koi aur lafz ista'amal kerliya jaye to iss shair ko 4 chaand lag jayeiNgay.... ...

doosra, chotha, aur panchwaaN sher buhat pasand aya... .lajawab sher heiN... buhat ma'anwiyat rakhtay heiN apnay ander... buhat zabardast.. buhat s daad qabool kijiye... likhtay rahiye.. aur hum se share kertay rahiye...

Aap ki marking hay
Behr aur Wazan=4
Andaz-i-BayaaN, rawani, alfaza ka ista'mal=4
Total = 8

Umeed hay aap nay meri tanqeeed ka bura nahiN mana hoga.. ye sirf tanqeed bara-i-islaah thi.. aur h osakta hay k aap meri tanqeed se ittifaq na bhi karaiN... kioN k ye ara'a meri zaati ara'a heiN..

Buhat khush rahiye...

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