05-30-2007, 07:46 AM
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 | sad~sad | | | Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Islamabad
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 Re: raa'ay shumari bra'ay Muqabla-e-Terhi Ghazal (May 07) | |
As-salam-o-alaikum Dosto! main bhi Marking k sath hazir huN... is bar terhi gahzal k muqabla meiN hamain 3 bohat achi ghazleN parhny ko miliN… jin k Nta’ij kuch youN haiN:
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn[IMG]http://www.hallagulla.com/urdu/ /><o:p></o:p><font size=" /><o:p></o:p> 1 - Faypal Afzal sahib aap ki janib se aik umda ghazal paRhy ko mili… misra-e-trha ko khoob girha lagai aap ne… wazn k hawaly se dekha ja’y to mujhy is ghazal meiN koi kami nazer nai aa’ei…<o:p></o:p> Albat’ta kuch muqamat pr zaa’id alfaaz nazer aa’ay, k jin k baghair bhi sher ka mafhum wazeh ho jata hy…<o:p></o:p> Sher kehny ka andaaz khoob hy, rawani bhi achi hy, aik aadh sher k elawa takhayul ki khoob parwaz aur alfaaz ka munasib istamal nazer aaya aap ki is ghazal meiN…<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> So ap ko milay:<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> Behr aur Wazn = 4<o:p></o:p> andaaz-e-bayaN, Rawani, Takay'yul, alfaaz ka istamal = 4<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> Total Marks= 8 ---------------------------- 2 - Noor-al-sabah Noor Sahiba aap ki ghazal bhi bohat khoob rahi, khaas tor pr matla aur maqta donoN hi bohat umda kahy aap ne… aur sath hi tarhi misry ko achi gira lagai hi… wazn aur behr k hawaly se to mujhy koi kami nazr nahi aa’ei is ghazal meiN, albat’ta misroN ki baanawat (ya isy andaz-e-bayaN keh sakty haiN) main behtri ki gunja’ish maujud hy. isi andaz-e-bayaN ki waja se misroN meiN rawani paida hoti hy… jesy k 4<SUP>th</SUP> sher k pehly misry aur 5<SUP>th</SUP> sher k pehly misry meiN kuch alfaaz k rad-o-badal se khubsurti aur rawani paida ki ja sakti hy… albat’ta baqi sheroN meiN alfaz ka istamal umda kiya ap ne…<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> So ap ko milay:<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> Behr aur Wazn = 4<o:p></o:p> andaaz-e-bayaN, Rawani, Takay'yul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3.5<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> Total Marks= 7.5<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> ---------------------------- 3 - Sunehri Aap ki ghazal bhi kai hawaloN se bohat achi rahi… lekin sunehri sahiba! jesa k ap bhi is haqeeqat se waqif haiN k aap abhi shairi k ibtada’ei marahil meiN haiN, so aap ko urdu shairi k kuch sho’boN meiN abhi bohat mehnat ki zuroorat hy, pehli bat to behr aur auzaan k hawaly se hy, in se aagahi hasil kreN… khoob mashq kreN, aur jis qadar ho sakta hy liken… kuch arse bad aap khud mehsoos kreN gi k aap kahaN se chaliN thiN aur kis muqam tak pohanch gai haiN…<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> Andaaz-e-bayaN acha hy, lekin alfaaz k istamal maiN ehtiyat zuroori hy, koshish kreN k ghair zuroori alfaaz, (jin k baghair bhi matlab wazeh ho jata hy) un k istamal se gurez kreN… rawani bhi kuch sheroN meiN tot’ti hui mehsoos hui… aik sher ko nikaal kr overall aik achi ghazal pesh ki aap ne bhi…<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> So ap ko milay:<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> Behr aur Wazn = 3<o:p></o:p> andaaz-e-bayaN, Rawani, Takay'yul, alfaaz ka istamal = 3<o:p></o:p> <o:p></o:p> Total Marks= 6</SPAN>
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Bedil libaas-e-zeest bohat deeda-zeb tha
aur ham ne is libaas ko ulTa pehan liya...
(Bedil Haidri)
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