wa-alaikum-as-salam Raza Sahib!
Jnab ap k liay purani sahi, hamary liay to ye na'ei hy, bilkul barish ki buNdoN ki trha...
aur ap ki gahzal
pr zain bhai aur aap ki discussion paRh kr boaht lutf mila, lekin maiN zain bhai ki tarmeem se pehly waly ashaar na dekh saka
.
meri janib se is qadar achi ghazal kehny
pr dher sari daad qubool kreN.... qafia boaht mushkil sellect kiya aap ne, lekin her sher meiN qafia ka acha istamal kiya hy... kuch ashaar ne to bohat hi lutf diya:
mujhy kab rehny dety haiN ye tanha,
sitam ho gham ho ya phir be-kali ho.
so bohat si daad hazir hy...
aik bat aur arz kr duN Raza bhai, k kisi bhi takhleeq maiN khamiaN kam se kam hoN to hi khubsurti baRhti hy... aur hamari khushqismati hy k is mehfil meiN hamaiN bohat se qabil dostoN ka sath naseeb hua hy, so ham sab dost pury khuloos se koshish krty haiN k yahaN pesh ki jany wali takhleeqat meiN khamiaoN ko dur kiya ja'y...
isi silsily meiN aik do bateN meiN bhi arz krna chahuN ga....
dusry sher k donoN misroN meiN lafz "jo" aa raha jis se sher k mani samajhny meiN dushwari hoti hy, so is
pr aik bar nazr-e-sani kr leN....
5th sher k pehly misry meiN mujhy wazn ki kami mehsoos ho rai hy, isy bhi aik nazar dekh leN...
"khirad razi ba wa'daa-e-farda"
ya phir shayad mein sahi se paRh nahi saka...
aur maqty meiN aik typing mistake hy, "jazbaat" meiN "zaal" aata hy... plz correct it...
ye kuch guzarishat thiN meri nazer meiN...
ho saky to inheN aik nazr dekh lijiay ga, ager kuch nagawar guzra ho to maazrat chahuN ga...
Allah Mola aap ko bohat ziada ata kary,
khush raheN, abad raheN....