Urdu Poetry/Shayari Forum - View Single Post - raaye shumaari baraaye muqabala-e- ghazal goi November 2006

**WanderingThoughts** · #2 11-30-2006, 07:17 AM

Is bar bhi ghazal contest maiN bohat achi ghazalaiN parhny ko miliN, aur ye dekh kr bohat khushi hui k HG pr bohat acaha likhny waly maujud haiN, jin se na'ay likhny waloN ko bohat kuch seekhny ko mil sakta hy�

ntaij kuch yuN haiN�

1. Sab se pehli entery hy Zain bhai ki�
to jnaab aap ki janib se achi kawish parhny ko mili� kuch misry to bohat khoob kahy aap ne, maslan: �khanjer ba-dast kon tha mauj-e-saba k sath�, ya phir: �aisa frakh-dil tha k mujh ko dikha k phool�

lekin ap k akser sheroN maiN wo besakhtagi dekhny ko nahi mili jo k achy sher ka khaasa hoti hy� misroN ki bunat ka moamly maiN bhi kuch kami mehsoos hui�

ap ki ghazal ko mily
andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 3.5 marks
wazn / behar = 4 marks

Total Marks = 7.5

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2. dosri entery hy LuckyLibra ki�
Asad bhai aap ki janib se bhi aik achi aur taweel kawish parhny ko mili�

jin hastioN ka zikr aap ne kiya, un ka zikr to jin alfaaz maiN bhi kiya ja�ay wo maqbool hota hy� so mery khyaal maiN aisy sheroN ko points dena durust nahi�. Lehaza yahaN ap ki ghazal ko jo points milaiN gy wo (Hamd, Naat, ya Ishq-e-Hussain waly sheroN k elawa) baqi sheroN pr hoN gy�

khyaalat bohat achy haiN� andaaz bhi khoob hy lekin aik bat jo aap k sheroN ko parh kr mehsoos hoi, wo ye thi k akser sheroN maiN aap ne alfaaz ka ista�mal beja kiya hy, yani jahaN kam alfaaz se kam chalta hy wahaN ziada alfaaz ko istamal krna sheri husn tbah krny k mutradif hota hy� missal k tor pr aap ka aakhri sher:

�wo apni sari yadeN, apny khawb de gya,
yuN asad k jeeny ka wo saman kr gya��

ab is sher maiN �wo� aap ne donoN misroN maiN istamal kiya hy, jab-k ager aik bar bhi istamal hota to apna matlab wazeh kr deta� us k bad lafz �apny� aur �apni� ki baja�ay ager ye lafz aik bar istamal hota to bhi sher ka matlab wazeh ho jata� ager is sher ko yuN kaheN to kesa lagy ga:

wo apni sari yadeN, sabhi khawb de gya
aur yuN asad k jeeny ka saman kr gya�� to kuch behter lagy ga�

dosri ahm bat k wazn ki aur behar ki kami shidat se mehsoos hui� bra�ay mehr�bani is pr tawaju deN� aap bohat achi ghazal keh sakty haiN�

ap ki ghazal ko mily
andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 3 marks
wazn / behar = 2 marks

Total Marks = 5

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3. tesri entery hy Sahir bhai ki�
to jnaab Ali bhai aap ki ghazal bhi bila shuba aik umda ghazal hy�
andaaz-e-bayan bohat khoob hy aur alfaaz ka chunaoo aur un ka istamal bhi bohat acha hy� aur kiya khoob girah lagai hy misra-e-trah ko�

lekin aik do bateN arz krna chahuN ga� matla ko ager ghor se parha ja�ay to malum hota hy k pehly misry maiN hi aap ne bat ko khol diya hy� yani is sher maiN aap jo batana chahty thy wo aap ne pehly misry maiN hi byan kr dia, to dosry misry ki zururat hi nahi rehti� halaN�k sher kehty waqt khyal rakha jata hy k pehly misry maiN bat ka ishara diya ja�ay aur dosry maiN us bat ko khola ja�ay, ya ap keh leN k pehla misra parh kr qari k zehn maiN sawal uthy, aur dosra misra us ka jawab ho... lekin ap ki ghazal k matla k pehly misry maiN hi sari bat khul jati hy� jis se dosry misry k ehmiat nahi rehti� aur ap janty haiN k matla hi se ghazal ka andaaza hota hy�

dosri bat ye k ghazal k dosry sher maiN bat mukamal tor pr wazeh nahi ho saki yani kuch abhaam reh gya�

mushkil bohat tha terk-e-taluq ka merhala
lekin wo mery kaam ko aasan kr gya�

yahaN ye to wazeh hota hy k wo shakhs aap ka kam aasan kr gya� mager kesy??? Is bat ka ishara is sher maiN kahiN nahi milta�

ap ki ghazal ko mily
andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 4.5 marks
wazn / behar = 4 marks

Total Marks = 8.5

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4. chothi entey hy Pehli barish ki�. Bohat achi kawish aap ki janib se bhi parhny ko mili� andaaz-e-bayaN bohat khoob hy� alfaaz ka istamal bhi acha hy� kuch mukamat pr wazn ki kami mehsoos hui� misra-e-trah ko aap ne bohat hi khoob girah lagai� ye kam waqai bohat mushkil hota hy� majmoi tor pr aap ki ghazal bohat achi hy�

ap ki ghazal ko mily
andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 4 marks
wazn / behar = 3 marks

Total Marks = 7

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5. entery hy Kanwal Hussain ki�
Kanwal Sahiba aap ne bhi aik achi ghazal kahi�
alfaaz ka chunao bohat khoob hy� andaaz-e-bayaN bhi bohat acha hy� aur misroN maiN besakhtgi bhi maujud hy� lekin kuch misroN maiN wazn ki kami mehsoos hui� aur kuch misroN ki bunat maiN wo perfection nazer nahi aai jo is waqt ap ki shairi maiN honi chahi�ay�

ap ki ghazal ko mily
andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 3.5 marks
wazn / behar = 3 marks

Total Marks = 6.5

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6. entery hy Asif Shahzad ki�
to jnaab Asif bhai aap ki ghazal bhi bohat khoob rahi�
alfaaz ka chunao aur in ka acha istamal kiya aap ne� lekin matla ka dusra misra jis qadar berjesta aur rawaN hy us eitbar se pehla misra us ma�yar ka nahi hy�
girah-band sher k pehly misry maiN lafz �yuN� ko hata bhi dya ja�ay to sher ka matlab wazeh ho jata hy, mehsoos hota hy k sher ka wazn pora krny k li�ay is lafz ka izafa kya gya�
maqta k donoN misroN maiN aik hi bat ko dohraya gya hy� jo k beja malum hota hy� lekin majmoi tor pr ye aik umda ghazal hy�

ap ki ghazal ko mily
andaz-e-byan, alfaz ka chunao = 4 marks
wazn / behar = 4 marks

Total Marks = 8