Urdu Poetry/Shayari Forum - View Single Post - raaye shumaari baraaye muqabala-e- nazam goi Oct 2006

**WanderingThoughts** · #5 10-23-2006, 12:31 AM

lo ji maiN ne bhi marking kr hi li... bai bohat hi mushkil kam hy... khair apni taraf se pori koshish ki hy k mukhtasir tareeen ilm (jo maiN rakhta huN) k mutabiq faisla ker sakuN...
to ntaij kuch yuN haiN...

1st entry: Shehr-e-Wafa (M. Jherna) Title: Sham-e-Eid

ap ne bohat achi nazm kahi. andaaz-e-bayan bohat khobsurat hy, takhayul bhi umda hy, alfaaz ka acha istamal kiya hy� rawani bhi bohat khoob hy (sirf aik do muqamat k, jahaN alfaz k talafuz ki waja se rawani main masla aata hy...)

talafuz k bary maiN aik do bateN mention krna chahuN ga. First ye k lafz �Shajr� nahi �Shajar� hota hy (�jeem� pr zabar aay ga�) Ap ne jis trah ye lafz istamal kiya usy ager �jeem� pr �jazm� k sath parheN (ghalat talafuz se) to wazn ka taqaza pora hota hy.
dosra lafz �siyaah� (seen+ye+alif+hy) jis trha ap ne likha hy us trha parheN to is lafz ki �hy� wazeh ada hoti hy (aur wazn maiN gerber paida hoti hy), yahaN lafz �syeh� aana chahiay tha (seen+ye+hy).

ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 7

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2nd entry: Tariq Azeez Khan Title: Ay kash eid ki khushiaN hmeN bhi raas aateeN

Tariq Sahab ap ne bhi achi aur rawaN nazm pesh ki�andaaz-e-bayaN acha hy� alfaz ko achy tareeqy se istamal kya hy� takhayul bhi khoob hy� sirf unwan k tehat kuch tishnagi mehsoos hoi�

Aik or bat note kr leN k tabasum moannas nahi hota, muzakkar hota hy� ap ne isy moannas istamal kiya nazm k 14th misry main� �tumhari aik tabasum hy zindagi meri�

ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 6.5

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3rd entry: chiragh-e-aakhir-e-shab (Sonia Iftikhar) Title: Hilaal-e-Eid

ap ki janib se bhi aik achi nazm parhny ko mili� sada se alfaaz maiN achy message convey kiay ap ne�

andaaz-e-bayan acha hy, rawani main albatta kuch gerber nazer aai� yani is taraf tawaju deny ki zururat hy� ye misra to bohat hi acha laga is nazm ka �khuda naseeb kary sab ko apny piaroN ki deed�.�

ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 6

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4th entry: Kanwal Hussain Title: Main ne chaha k tujhay EID pe kuch peshkeroo'n ....!!!

kanwal ap ki janib setaweel mager achi nazm parhny ko mili� aik bat jo khas tor pr is nazm k bary maiN krna chahuN ga, wo ye k is nazm maiN unwaan ka poora poora khyal rakha gya...

kuch muqamat pr nazer khatki aur mehsoos hua k wazn pora krny k li�ay alfaz ki bherti ki gai hy, lekin akser muaqamat pr behad daad deny ka ji chaha�

rawani khoob hy, alfaz ka istamal acha hy, takhayul umda hy, aur wazn k eitbar se bhi koi kami mehsoos nahi hui�

ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 8

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5th entry: Sameera Pearl Title: Payam-e-Eid

Sameera ap neb bhi bohat achi nazm share ki� mukhtasir mager mukamal aur dilkash� aur jis andaaz maiN ap ne nazm ko khatm kiya wo bohat acha hy� sada se alfaaz maiN sab kuch byan kr diya�

ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 7.5

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6th entry: Sleepy Eyes. Title: Eid

ap neb bhi aik achi nazm takhleeq ki� bohat sensitive aur aik different angle se, khas kr ikhtitaam to bohat tragic hy�

andaaz-e-bayaN acha hy, alfaz ka istamal bhi khob hy, aik do misroN k takhayul k bary main kuch confused huN� (3rd & 4th misra)� mozu k eitbar se dekha ja�ay to �Eid� ka pehlu kuch prominent nahi hua�

ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 6

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7th entry: Haya nTitle: Eid ka cahnd Mery Chand ne dekha ho ga

Haya! Ap neb bhi aik umda nazm kahi� rawani k lehaz se bhr'pur, alfaaz ka istamal khoob, tkhayul bhi umda� aik do errors nazer aa�y jinheN typing mistakes samajh kr ignore kiya ja sakta hy�

kami jo mujhy mehsoos hoi wo thi mozu ki janib se� title tha �Eid ka cahnd mery chand ne dekha ho ga� to is nazm maiN ap k cand k chand dekhny se mutaliq koi bat nazr nahi aai (sirf 2nd misry ke elawa)�

yani ager pehly 2 misroN ko nazm se nikal deN to baqi hissa aik mukamal nazm ban sakta hy (kisi aur unwan k tehat�)

ap ki nazm k total Marks hoay: 7.5

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haar jeet se der'kinar, kisi muqably maiN hissa lena hi bohat himat aur aizaaz ki bat hori hy... aur sab dostoN ne jis jazby aur lagan se is muqably maiN hissa liya wo qabil-e-staish hy...