Lijiye ji baqi ki markings....
6. withlove bhai
buhat achi nazm parhnay ko mili aap ki taraf se... buhat khoobsoorat alfaz aur buhat khoobsoorat ista'aray shamil heiN iss meiN ... .andaz-i-bayaN bhi khoob raha.. topic k hisab se to ye Nazm pooori tarhaaN diye gaye unwan ka ihata kerti hay.. so uss shoubay meiN tou hogaye aap k pooray 5 marks, doosray shoubay meiN kuch garbar ker beithay aap.. ji haaN Alfaz buhat khoob rahay.... laikin Nazm meiN rawani kayee jaga majrooh nazar ayee... kayee jaga wazan ki garbar bhi nazar ayee...isliye doosray shoubay meiN aap k marks huway 2.5
ya'ani aap ka total marks huway 5 + 2.5 = 7.5
Aik mashwara dena chahooNga k Nazm khusoosan iss qism ki nazm ko buhat taveel nahiNI hona chahiye...
7. Lucky Libra ji...
Aap ki nazm parhi... buhat achay khayalaat ka izhar kiya gaya hay aur Muhabbat k aik doosray hi pehloo ki nishandahi ki gayee hay.. buhat acha laga ye jaan ker k aap k takhayyul ki perwaz ghair riwayeti asmanouN tak hay 1.gif ")1")
buhat khush rahiye.... Unwan k aap ko diye jatay heiN pooray marks. ya'ani 5.. aur aap k paas bhi yahi garbar hogayee k Nazm ki rawani sahi nahiN hay.. wazn ka bhi masla hay... kayee jaghouN per typing mistake bhi hay.. jaisay Arsh alif se nahiN Ain se ata hay, aur Rabiya Basra nahiN Rabiya Basri hay wo bhi Suaad se Basri, seen se nahiN...
laikin meiN to yahi kahooNga k sub se alag aur buhat umda kawish thi aap ki... doosray shoubay meiN aap ko miltay heiN 2 marks...
so aap k total marks huway 2 + 5 = 7
8. Pessimist ji
Buhat umdah kawish rahi aap ki bhi, aap nay muhabbat k kayee roop ka zikr buhat baysakhtagi se kiya.... unwan se acha khasa insaaf kiya hay so aap ko marks miltay heiN.. 4.5, doosray shoubay ya'ani andaz-i-bayaaN, rawani aur takhyul.. takhayul to yaqeenan paya jata hay laikin rawani buhat kam dekhnay meiN ayee.... andaz-i-bayan meiN bhi kafi behteri ki gunjayesh hay... so aap ko iss shoubay meiN miltay heiN 2 marks..
to aap k total marks huway 4.5 + 2 = 6.5
9. Qassim Bhai
Wah Qassim bhai.. zinda baad.. .buhat achi nazm likhi aap nay... aik zabardast novel likh diya nazm hi nazm meiN
Unwan k aitebaar se bhi aap ki nazm nay diye gaye Mozoo ka buhat khoobi se ihata kiya hay... laikin meiN samajhta hooN K iss meiN muhabbat ko jazbay k tour per nahiN bayan kiya gaya balkay muhabbat honay k manzar ko paish kiya gaya hay uss k ahsasat bayan kiye gaye heiN.... her soorat meiN ye nazm Muhabbat k unwan per hi hay.. so unwan k tou aap ko miltay heiN pooray 5 marks,
andaz-i-bayaaN k hawalay se meiN kahooNga k buhat hi marboot aur rawaN nazm hay... zahir hay aap jaisay pukhta kaar se issi baat ki tawaqo bhi hoti hay...laikin mujhay aik garbar lagee...agar QareeeN ki jaga qareeb ista'maal kertay to roz marra se zada qareeb hota... uss k ilawa waaN ab matrook lafz hay.. aur iss ka ista'amal go k jayez hay laikin mustehsan nahiN hay.. laikin overall aik buhat hi umdah aur buhat hi shandaaar kawish hay... jis ki jitni ta'areef ki jaye kam hay... doosray shoubay meiN aap ko miltay heiN 3.5
to aap k total marks huway 5 + 3.5 = 8.5
10. Quill Ji
Kia haal heiN Janab Quill Sahab? mera khayal hay k pehli dafa aap HG per kisi muqablay meiN hissa lay rahay heiN, laikin kia hi ghazab ki entry hay.. kia h i zabardast nazm lay ker aap shamil huway heiN... buhat buhat mubarak baad qabool kijiye hamari taraf se...
Unwan k aitbaaar se Nazm aap ki bilkul perfect hay.. so uss meiN to pooray 5 marks heiN
Andaz-i-bayaaN... kia kaha jaye sahab... itna khoobsoorat ... her misra rawaaN... zuban kahiN nahiN atki( bajuz 2 jaghouN k.. jin ka tazkira abhi kerta hooN)... takhyyul bhi kia hi judagana hay... waqayee buhat maza aya... aap ko iss shoubay meiN miltay heiN 4.5 marks
to aap k total marks huway 5 + 4.5 = 9.5
ab un 2 ghalatioN Ki taraf nishandahi kerdooN jin ka mujhay yaqeen hay taluq typing se hay... aik to line number 6 meiN likha hay
to wo gharoor aur tamkinat se aisay kuch aisay bolee, meri raye hay k iss mein pehlay wala aisay zayed hay ..
doosri garbar aakhri line meiN hay... jahaN likha hay
sehar zado paprioN ki soorat meiN dhal chukay thay, tou janab yahaN sehar zada hona chahiye....
Buhat khush rahiye...
11. SilentEmotions
Buhat umdah nazm likhi aap nay... buhat zabardast... Ghair mashroot Jazba-i-wafa per kia khoob roshni daali hay... buhat mubarakbaad qabool kijiye ....
Unwan k aitbaar se aap ki nazm diye gaye unwan k ain mutabiq nahiN rahi... jaisa mein nay pehlay arz kiya k iss mein Jazba-i-wafa ka tazkira zaroor hay laikin jazba-i-Muhabbat ko itna highlight nahiN kiya gaya jitna unwan honay k lihaaz se uss ka haq tha... so unwan meiN miltay heiN aap ko 3.5 marks
Andaz-i-bayaaN buhat khoob raha.. mukhtasir nazmeiN agar apna poora paigham bhi dey deiN tou buhat hi khoobsoorat hoti haiN... aur aap ki nazm nay aisa hi kiya hay... buss kahiN kahiN wazan ki kami mahsoos huwi.... so andaz-i-bayaaN mein aap k marks heiN 3.5
so aap k total marks huway 3.5 + 3.5
Aakhir meiN, meiN saray members k huq mein dua kerta hooN k Alllah sub k qalam ki taqat meiN izafa karay.. aur achay se acha likhnay ki taufeeq aur himmat ata farmaye....
App sub saathioN ka buhat buhat shukriya k aap nay iss muqablay meiN shirkat ki... muqabla koi bhi jeetay.. asal jazba muqablay meiN shamil honay ka hota hay... so uss jazbay k izhar k hisab se aap sub hi hamari nazar mein winners heiN.. ummeed hay aap ki participation mustaqbil meiN bhi jaari rahay gi.... Ameen
Buhat khush rahiye
Allah Hafiz