Thread: Raye shumari baraye muqabla-e-nazam goi (Sept. 06)
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Old 09-30-2006, 08:16 PM
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Default Re: Raye shumari baraye muqabla-e-nazam goi (Sept. 06)
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1. Khayyal ji...

sub se pehlay tou aap ko mubarak ho k aap nay iss muqablay meiN itni achi nazm k saath shirkat ki..... to aap ki nazm buhat khoob hay... laikin Muqablay k unwan ya'ani muhabbat ka haq ada kerti nazar nahiN arahi.... uss k ilawa kahiN kahiN rawani meiN bhi kami nazar aye... khayalaaat buhat umda heiN aur alfaz bhi buhat achay heiN... bus youN samajh lijiye k aik aadh aanch ki kasar reh gayee nazm meiN .. aap k marks heiN

Mozoo = 2
Rawani & andaz-i-bayaaN = 2
Ya'ani aap k total huway 4

aap apni koshish jaari rakhiye... meiN saaf dekh sakta hooN k aap k kalaam meiN pehlay se buhat behteri ayee hay... issi tarhaaN muqablouN meiN shareek hoti rahaiN... judges ki aur doosray saathioN ki raye per amal kerti rahaiN... inshaAlllah shayeri meiN roz afzooN taraqi hoti jaye gi....




2. Chiragh ji..
aap ka nick mashAllah itna bara hay k mujhay ap k nick ka bhi nick banana para ... khair ab atay heiN aap ki nazm ki taraf.... Nazm pooori tarhaaN se unwan per hay... so unwan k tou aap k huway pooray pooray 5...baqi rahi rawani, khayalat, alfaz aur andaz-i-bayaaN.... tou aap ki nazm meiN alfaz to achay ista'mal kiye gaye hein... laikin rawani ki shiddat se kami mehsoos horahi hay... Nazm k buniyadi tareeen ajza meiN se hay uss ka rawaaN hona... buss usski kami nazar ayee.... so rawani meiN aap k marks huway 2

to aap k total marks huway 5+2=7



4. Tariq Azia Bhai
Buhat hi umda kalaaam likha aap nay.. buhat hi khoobsoorat... rawani bhi ghazab ki thi... buss aakhir meiN aker mujhay kahiN kahiN garbar lagi...
laikin mujhay aisa laga jaisay nazm achanuk khatum hogayeee..ya'ani mozoo k saath sahi insaaf kiye baghair... achanuk jaisay beech meiN hi reh gayee.... Mozoo k hisab se aap k marks heiN 3 aur rawani , andaz-i-bayaaN aur alfaz k ista'amal k marks heiN 4
to aap k total marks huway ... 4 + 3 = 7

 Andaz-i-bayaaN tou kaafi pukhta hay...


4. Flimsy

Buhat buhat mubarak ho Flimsy ji.. itni khoobsoorat Nazm k saath amad k liye... yaqeenan ye muqabla aisa hay k iss meiN bay hud haseen kalaam parhnay ko mil raha hay... well done... Mozoo k lihaz se tou aap ki Nazm perfect hay. .ya'ani muhabbat ki tashreeh kerti huwi aik bay hud khoobsoorat alfaz wali nazm.... so topic k marks to aap ko diye jatay heiN pooray ya'ani 5 out of 5.. ab atay heiN doosray ahem nuqtay ki taraf. ya'ani rawani, andaz-i-bayaaN waghaira... to janab.. yahaN kuch garbar hay. y a'ani rawani ki kami hay... aur sath hi alfaz meiN aap nay Angrezi lafz Rythm ka istamal kiya hay... jo k mustahsan nahiN hay.. so doosri category meiN aap k marks heiN 2 out of 5...
so aap k total marks huway 2 + 5 = 7


5. Haya n

Ji janab.. aap se jis umdah kalaam ki ummeed hoti hay.. mashAllah aap hamesha hi uss per poora uterti heiN... buhat si mubarak baad qabool kijiye...
Laikin aik baat mehsoos horahi hay k Nazm ki shuru meiN jo uthan thi.. aakhir tak atay atay wo baqi nahiN rahi.. aur nazm ko samaitna aisa laga jaisay jaldi mein gaya hay...issi liye Topic se na insafi si hogayee... pehli category ya'ani unwan k aap ko miltay heiN 4 marks... phir rawani... bilkul sahi.. andaz-i-bayaaN... buhat acha... laikin kahiN kahiN mubham si rahi Nazm.. nazm ki khoobsoorati hay k uss meiN ibham nahiN hona chahiye... alfaz ki rawani k saath khayalaat ki rawani bhi buhat ahem hoti hay... jis ki kami ba har tour mehsoos huwi.. so iss category m eiN aap k marks huway 3
aap k total marks huway 3 + 4 = 7

laikin ba haisiyat-i-majmooyee aik achi nazm hay.. buss youN samajh lijiye k aap nay handi jaldi choolhay se utaar li


Iss dafa to mashAllah buhat se logouN nay hissa liya hay... buhat hi khush ayend baat hay meiN baqi ki evaluation kal tak kerdooNga

Sub shayer khush rahaiN
Allah Hafiz
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