as-salam-o-alaikum to all…

ntaaij se pehly miaN Kuch baat’aiN ‘NAZM’ k hawaly se btatna chahuN ga k nazm k 3 basic hissy hoty haiN,

1- ibtidaa(is maiN unwaan ka taaruf hota hy)
2- phailaoo (yahaN unwaan k tehat nazm ko phailaaya jatahy)
3- ikht’taam ya Urooj[climax] (is hissy main nazm ko smaita jata hy aur aik peak pr pohnchaya jata hy, yaani hasil’e byaan bat ki jati hy) Nazm maiN aik bat zururi hoti hy k jis unwaan k tehat nazm likhi ja rahi hy, aakhri hissa, us unwaan ki bherpoor trjumani kary.

yahaN pr maiN is maah ki nazm k unwaan “KARB” ko bhi apni soch k mutabiq byan krna chahuN ga.

KARB:

Karb aik jazba hy, jo us us waqt paida hota hy jab insaan chahty hoy bhi koi commitment puri na kr saky, ya us k sath zamana esi chaal chal ja’ay k jis ka tor us k pas mojud na ho…. (kuch, na kr sakny ka ehsaas).


Muqabla-e-Nazm goi k ntaaij kuch yuN haiN:

1st entery: Meerji

Meerji aap ki taraf se aik achi kawish parhne ko mili, khyaalat achy haiN, alfaaz ki selection bhi khoob hy, but rawani main garbar hy….
maiN ne aik bat aur meh’soos ki aap k ashaar main, wo ye k mozu k eitbaar se bhi aap ke ashaar main kuch kami reh gai… (but ye bat kabil-e-staaish hy k aap ne is contest maiN issa liya)

meri taraf se aap ki kawish ko milty haiN 5 marks. (likhty rahi’ay khoob se khoob ter k li’ay)

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2nd entery : Karb

To Karb ji! Aap ki janib se bhi nazm likhny ki aik achi kawish hy, aik achi bat is nazm jo mujhy lagi, wo ye k ba’az misroN main bohat rawani hy (alfaaz ki trteib esi hy k aik hi lay maiN sara misra parha jata hy…) unwaan pr bhi achi grift hy aap ki...

magar abhi bohat se mukaamat pr behtri ki gunjaa’ish hy.

To meri taraf se aap ko milty haiN 7 points.

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3rd entery: luckylibra

baari aati hy Lucky Libra ki, to dost aap ne aik ghazal post ki hy is liay aap ki is kawish ko aik ghazal k mutabik points di’ay jaa’iN ge.

Achy andaaz maiN ghazal kahi hy aap ne. alfaaz k selection bhi khoob hy, bas kami rahi to wazn ki… (but u need no worry, inshallah ye kami bhi khatm ho jaa’y ge waqt k sath sath)

Meri taraf se aap ko is ghazal pr 6 points milty haiN. (likhty rahi’ay khoob se khoob ter k li’ay)

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4th entery: heer_malik

to jnaab aap ki enteri bhi chuN’ky aik ghazal hy is liay isy bhi aik ghazal k aitbaar se marks diay jaa’ain ge.

Sab se pehli bat jo aap ki ghazal prh kr mery zehn miaN ubhri, k aap ne kuch achuty khyaalat paish ki’ay haiN… yunhi likhty rahi’ay inshallah behteri aati jaa’y gi.

Aap ko points mil’aiN ge 5. (hope to see more better efforts from you in future.)

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5th entery: Qasim

to jnaab-e-Qasim aap ki enteri k mut’alik arz kruN k andaaz’e byaan bohat umda hy… alfaaz ka chunao bohat acha hy, rawani bhi khoob hy.

Meri taraf se aap ko milty haiN 7 points.

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6th entery: mystique

ji Mystique sahiba! Aap ne bhi aik umda kawish paish ki, “Derd k sehra se pary” alfaaz ka acha issta’maal kiya, rawani bhi khoob hy. (no doubt k ye aik mukamal nazm hy, magar unwaan k tehat kuch kami mehsoos hoi mujhy.

So aap ki effort ko milty haiN 7.5 marks.

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7th entery: Rida Jabeen!

Rida Sahiba aap ki janib se aik taweel nazm parhny ko mili, aur nazm main wo tmaam khobiyaN mojud haiN jo aik achi nazm main honi chahi’aiN....

Aik achy shair ki trha Unwaan ko bhi khoob nibhaya hy aap ne.

Kuch kami jo mujhy mehsoos hoi, wo ye k kuch mukaamat pr alfaaz ruk ruk kr ada hoty haiN, yani rawani disturb hoti hy.

So meri taraf se aap ko 8 points milty haiN.

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8th entery: Aik Lamha “mery mseiha”

to jnaab aik lamha ji, aap ki is effort pr to maiN pehly hi achy khasy comments de chukka huN, but points k hawaly se mzeid kuch arz krna chahuN ga.

Alfaaz maiN rawani hy, andaaz-e-byaan bhi umda hy, bila shuba aap ki kawish bhi aik mukamal nazm kehlany ki haqdaar hy.

Magar Nazm ki ibtdaa main kuch kmioN ki waha se rawani maiN rukawat aati hy, but aap ny achy andaaz miaN nazm ko phailaya aur aik bherpoor andaaz se isy smaita aur khatm kiya.

So meri taraf se aap ko milty haiN 8.5 marks.

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9th entery: Shumaela Rana

ji shumaila sahiba! Aik bohat hi achi nazm aap ki taraf se parhny ko mili, aur mera khyal kehta hy k aap ki ye nazm “Nsri Nazm” ki category main aay gi.

Achy khyaalat paish ki’ay aap ne, nazm maiN khyal ka tasalsul bhi brqraar raha, magar aap alfaaz ki trteib miaN ziada se ziada rawani lane ki koshish kraiN.

Kuch kami Jo is nazm main nazar aai, wo ye k nazm k climax k lehaaz se ibtidaa maiN, na-danista tor pr, kuch ibhaam reh gya jo k parhny waly ko chonka deta hy (jb wo karbla waly sequence tak pohanchta hy.)

So meri taraf se aap ki is kawish ko 7 points milty hiaN.


(Uufff............

yar bohat mushkil kaam hy.... subha k 4 baj chuky hiaN aur ab miaN sona chahta huN, subha kam pr bhi jana hy.)

Wish u all best of luck.

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