Urdu Poetry Forum

Originally Posted by Benighted

nice .................... .......

Originally Posted by dilshadnazmi

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salam _o_alaekum ,

aap ki gazal nazar nawaz huwi , pasand aaei , tewar bahot ach_cha hai aap ka , gazal ka yeh rang aap ke laheje ke saath mel kha kar do aatisha ho gaya hai ,
magar eak baat arz karni hai woh yeh ke kuch eak jagho'n par mamooli si khamiyaa'n jhalak rahi hain , agar usse durust kar liya jaey tou gazal aur bhi mutasir kar sakti hai ,
maclan .................

Leker meraa pataa waqt raayegaan na karo
Mai.n tou banjaraa hoon kiya jane kidher jaoonga

yeh sheair wazn me aata mahsoos nahi ho raha hai dusra misra qadrey theek hai , magar pahela wazn me khara nahi uttar raha hai , usse dubara dekh lein ,

Is Taraf dhundh hai jugnoo hai na chiraagh koii
Koaun pehchaanegaa bastii me.n agar jaoonga

iss shaeir ka pahela misra bhi wazn se kharij hai ...
Yahaa.n reh jaaye.nge guldaano.n me.n yaadon kii nazer
Mai.n tou khushboo hoon fizaaon me.n bikher jaoonga[/COLOR

iss sheair ka bhi pahela misra wazn se kharij hai !!!

mujhe ta_aj_jub huwa ke eak misra isqadar paband aur chust hai aur dusra misra wazn me khara nahi utar raha hai , aesa kiyo'n , khaer agar aap dubara koshish karein tou gazal ki surat aur bhi nikhar jaeygi , main muntazir hoon , deegar eahbab bhi iss par mashwarah deingey , main muntazir hoon , tab un tamami hazraat ki aa_ra dekh kar main aap ko kuch aur batane ki koshish karoonga insha allah , agar aap meri mudakhalat pasnd karein tab , ??? warna yeh ishara hi shayed aap ko aap ki gazal pe nazr_e_cani karne ke liye kafi hoga ,
tewar aur mazameen bahot khoob hain , baat seedhey seedhey dil par acar andaz ho rahi hai aap ki gazal ki , lab_o_laheja jadeed aahang ki gam_mazi kar raha hai , meri janib se dher sari mubarak baad qabool karein ,

dua ka talib

dilshadnazmi