Urdu Poetry Forum

**silent_wishes** · #1 08-22-2007, 01:03 PM

Assalam o Alaikum Friends !

I wrote dis poem 8 yrs ago, when i was in 9th class....later i moved to urdu poetry.
Viewing dis section at HG, I decided to share it with u.
As I never give dis poem to a teacher for correction.....so if there is any technical mistake...plzz do advise me

YOU LIVE IN MY HEART

As star are shining in the sky
In my heart you are blinking

You are so sweet and lofty
That I always of you thinking

You seem in a special way
Like snowfall on the hill

I want to give you so joy
That keep your heart for always fill

Just shiny face you have like moon
With smile of you the sun rises

I hope you will come back soon
As willing as in spring roses

**Aas** · #2 08-24-2007, 10:23 AM

Hey silent_wishes....wel come to the English club.

Well...now that U are here....i would have to suggest you to re wrote your poetry in Ms word...just to see if there's any grammaatical errors in the text...and second, when you choose a word...that should reveal some state or emotion...you should double check with the dictionary as well...'cos you have erred on more than one occassion...

But n e ways....every one of us makes mistakes and then the one's who are willing they ammend...and learn...and this applies for all of us.

Have a nice time. Adios.

**usman6484** · #3 12-06-2007, 12:52 PM

thanx for nice shareing

**silent_wishes** · #4 07-13-2008, 05:58 PM

thanx a lot Aas for ur suggestion....
but i wud be very glad if u point out my mistakes
be happy

**shumyla4** · #5 07-14-2008, 07:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silent_wishes

Assalam o Alaikum Friends !

I wrote dis poem 8 yrs ago, when i was in 9th class....later i moved to urdu poetry.
Viewing dis section at HG, I decided to share it with u.
As I never give dis poem to a teacher for correction.....so if there is any technical mistake...plzz do advise me

YOU LIVE IN MY HEART

As star are shining in the sky
In my heart you are blinking

You are so sweet and lofty
That I always of you thinking

You seem in a special way
Like snowfall on the hill

I want to give you so joy
That keep your heart for always fill

Just shiny face you have like moon
With smile of you the sun rises

I hope you will come back soon
As willing as in spring roses

hi ihsan, as u askd to check and point out ur mistake, then dear i think the much i came to know is u have jst tried to match the lines but i should say that ur thoughts are really sweet coz as u told u had written it in 9th std then i blv we all have rights to make mistake in that age. i have rewrite the poem i hope u'll not mind and also wish u will like it. i have tried to give my best to ur poem with same emotion in few hours. and if i have done any mistake then i'm heartly sorry and plzzzzzzzzz let me know so i should correct.

U LIVE IN MY HEART...

Like a star shines in the sky,
In my heart u always blink,
You are so sweet and humble,
About you I can�t stop to think.
I seem you in a special way,
Like a freshness of snow fall upon the hill,
I want to give u all the happiness,
And keeps your heart with mine,
I promise forever I will�..
Your face shines as the moon in the night,
A sweet smile of yours bring brightness into my eyes,
I am waiting 4 u, wishing you will be back soon,
Like in the season of spring flowers waits to rise!!!

BY
IHSAN
THANKS.....

**NainaJawad** · #6 07-15-2008, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shumyla4

hi ihsan, as u askd to check and point out ur mistake, then dear i think the much i came to know is u have jst tried to match the lines but i should say that ur thoughts are really sweet coz as u told u had written it in 9th std then i blv we all have rights to make mistake in that age. i have rewrite the poem i hope u'll not mind and also wish u will like it. i have tried to give my best to ur poem with same emotion in few hours. and if i have done any mistake then i'm heartly sorry and plzzzzzzzzz let me know so i should correct.

U LIVE IN MY HEART...

Like a star shines in the sky,
In my heart u always blink,
You are so sweet and humble,
About you I can�t stop to think.
I seem you in a special way,
Like a freshness of snow fall upon the hill,
I want to give u all the happiness,
And keeps your heart with mine,
I promise forever I will�..
Your face shines as the moon in the night,
A sweet smile of yours bring brightness into my eyes,
I am waiting 4 u, wishing you will be back soon,
Like in the season of spring flowers waits to rise!!!

BY
IHSAN
THANKS.....

soooper ...

**silent_wishes** · #7 07-18-2008, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shumyla4

hi ihsan, as u askd to check and point out ur mistake, then dear i think the much i came to know is u have jst tried to match the lines but i should say that ur thoughts are really sweet coz as u told u had written it in 9th std then i blv we all have rights to make mistake in that age. i have rewrite the poem i hope u'll not mind and also wish u will like it. i have tried to give my best to ur poem with same emotion in few hours. and if i have done any mistake then i'm heartly sorry and plzzzzzzzzz let me know so i should correct.

U LIVE IN MY HEART...

Like a star shines in the sky,
In my heart u always blink,
You are so sweet and humble,
About you I can�t stop to think.
I seem you in a special way,
Like a freshness of snow fall upon the hill,
I want to give u all the happiness,
And keeps your heart with mine,
I promise forever I will�..
Your face shines as the moon in the night,
A sweet smile of yours bring brightness into my eyes,
I am waiting 4 u, wishing you will be back soon,
Like in the season of spring flowers waits to rise!!!

BY
IHSAN
THANKS.....

Hi shumaila, how r u....
U really did it great,,,, i even cant find words for thanking you
u spared ur precious time for this poem and looked into it so carefully and with spirit......i m really impressed.
May god bless u.
Be happy 4 ever

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You Live In My Heart

You Live In My Heart

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