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This is a discussion on When u lied... within the English Poet's Club forums, part of the English Poetry category; My love was deep, But now its ended when u lied... My strength was u, But now I am broken ...
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#1
02-27-2008, 03:24 PM
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My love was deep, But now its ended when u lied... My strength was u, But now I am broken when u lied... My feelings were so good, But now I feel nothing when u lied... My future was bright, But now I only see the night when u lied... My all trust was in u, But now I can't trust anyone when u lied... My heart beated for u, But now it has stopped when u lied My EVERYTHING was YOU! But now there is NOTHING CAUSE U LIED...! Hey all please leave ur comments after reading this poem that u liked this poem or not! and if u found any mistakes in my poem then please tell me because I m a bit weak in english actually I m a student thats why and sorry for the mistakes if there is any! Thank u.
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#2
02-28-2008, 05:41 AM
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kia mairi poem itni boori hai k kisi ne ek reply tak nahi kiya:(
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#3
02-28-2008, 08:36 AM
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I guess the structure of the poem can be changed a bit, and instead of repeating 'when you lied' half a dozen times, it would be appropriate to use this as a punch line rather than a mere repeater... Converting those verses into a proper stanza of four would do some trick as well... My love was deep My strength was you My feelings were great I trusted you And then ... you lied You know, something similar...well its just a suggestion...so take it easy on ya.. Cares.
__________________ A heart in pain longs for rain a heart asks for no shrine No heavens divine but for a heart that's mine |
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#4
02-28-2008, 08:43 AM
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thank u so much ... I m beginner abhi isi liye yun likha thanks for the advice and for replying
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#5
02-28-2008, 08:55 AM
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You are most welcome. Carry on.
__________________ A heart in pain longs for rain a heart asks for no shrine No heavens divine but for a heart that's mine |
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#6
03-01-2008, 04:56 AM
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1.gif ")1") .................. ................
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#7
03-15-2008, 10:41 AM
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angrezi vi.............. very nice 
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#8
03-15-2008, 11:11 AM
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Quote:
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#9
03-31-2008, 08:42 AM
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Very Nice...keep it up... 
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#10
03-31-2008, 08:44 AM
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thank u so much bhai
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LinkBack to this Thread: http://www.hallagulla.com/urdu/english-poets-club-505/when-u-lied-184673.html | ||||
| Posted By | For | Type | Date | |
| Urdu Poetry Forum | This thread | Refback | 02-28-2008 09:04 AM | |
When u lied... 
Re: When u lied... 
