It seems that you are unregistered. Please register with us by clicking Here, or if you are already registered login here
Welcome to Urdu Community & Poetry/Shayari Forum
This is a discussion on To A Suicide Bomber! within the English Poet's Club forums, part of the English Poetry category; To A Suicide Bomber! Blowing yourself!! Hitting others hard One head here Whole part lost Making eyes weep Making souls ...
| |||||||
| Poetry | Video | Photo | Books | Games | Sites | Register | Groups | FAQ | Calendar | Mark Forums Read | Chat |
|
#1
| |||||
| |||||
| To A Suicide Bomber! Blowing yourself!! Hitting others hard One head here Whole part lost Making eyes weep Making souls scream Leaving minds depressed Hearts with unrest Snatching peace from other Making them yell Is that the way to heaven Or the way straight to hell After that with terrible ends Corpse that lay on the ground Drenched in blood, pieces lost Eyes open, questioning a lot Any mistake? Their any fault ?? Shutting those eyes We cannot deny The fact they ask Any mistake ? Their any fault ?? Still YOU think You have succeed Still you wish in peace you’ll dwell Keep on wishing keep that will But for once just look behind|!! See the homes you broke away See the faces from which you stole The laughter, the life, The love, the shine See the eyes questioning you Why you shattered, why you broke The peace of home, the security of life The trust on humanity, the hope in eyes And see the mates accompanying you Answer them the reason, they ask your way Without any fault, without any mistake Far from beloveds, you took them away Huh! Last but not the least to say Go on wishing, and keep that will But for once think as well Was that the way to heaven Or a way straight to hell|??? Poetess= Noori waiting 4 ur suggestions and comments ~~Noori~~
__________________ Tread softly because you tread onmy DREAMS..~~ W.B Yeats |
|
#2
| |||||
| |||||
| Well, if this message is opted for the suicide bummers than i guess it's the wrong place to get attention... Just kiddin'. ![]() OK...if u can get the structure of your sentences right...i mean...making it sound simple rather than bulged in...i guess you'll be a hell of a poetess Ma'am. This is a very good effort...not just relating to the ones who suffered but also to the one who has created this inhuman mess...i guess u tried to give a complete picture...nonetheles s. Please do carry on...andkeep smilin'. Bye.
__________________ A heart in pain longs for rain a heart asks for no shrine No heavens divine but for a heart that's mine |
|
#3
| |||||
| |||||
| Quote:
![]() plz suggest me how to improve....where did u find the irreguarity?? wasn't it worth posting?? looking Fwd to urreply. ![]() tc NooRi |
|
#4
| |||||
| |||||
| Quote:
Who said is wasn't worth n e thing, let alone posting...? As i have mentioned earlier, it was a great effort...so don't let your mind say other wise. Now, as for the irregularities....la t's say, for example. Blowing yourself!! ... You blow yourslef Hitting other hard ... Hitting others Hard One head here ... Heads crushed Whole part lost ... Body parts lost Making eyes weep ... making eyes wet Making souls scream... And their souls scream Leaving minds depressed... Leaving minds in depression Hearts with unrest... And hearts with unrest Snatching peace from other... snatching peace from them Making them yell... Making them yell Is that the way to heaven... Is this the way to heaven Or the way straight to hell... Or a way straight to hell. You see, these are just minor grammatical ammends, ones which could bring more attraction and appeal... N e Ways, it's up to you to consider...i just gave my thought. Adios. |
|
#5
| |||||
| |||||
| okk thanks alot 4 showing concern...i 'll consider them and hope to make my poem more better... |
|
#6
| |||||
| |||||
| Salam Noori: First of all welcome back....I have read few poems of yours in the EPC and I think they are pretty well.....as guru Aas has already pointed out the structural deficiencies , so I won't point out anything ....I just want to say that you pen-down your thoughts on a very sensitive topic.....infact, I liked the title of your poem very much "To a suicide bomber"....indeed we are all in the same chaos that has been created by the suicidal attacks in our country, but few people dare to express their visions, I congratulate you that you are one of the few!!! Is that the way to heaven Or the way straight to hell well I would like to say it all depends on the secanario and situation but the way it's going in our country ...no doubt it's really painful, it's unjust.....they don't get anything except they put to death our innocent countrymen....killin g innocent people (not the military men) whether they are muslim or non-muslim is unfair, just unfair in any case... All in all impressive thoughts .....keep sharing your visions with us, hope to see some more .... Cheers ..Junki Last edited by junkifunki; 08-11-2007 at 02:28 PM. |
|
#7
| |||||
| |||||
| Quote:
ya i have noted down the mistakes...soon ll b working on it inshallah....as far as ur views are concerned...we share the same feelings....killing innocent ppl just without their any fault...is totally unfair.bt we can only wish ,that things get bettr.tc |
|
#8
| |||||
| |||||
| thanx for nice shareing
__________________ ALLAH MARI KOSISH KO QABOOL FARMAIN. DUA MAIN YAAD RAKHYE GA........ ____________________ ____________________ uSmAn |